Strange Loop - Souvenir Edition >:)

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Douglas Hofstadter

Space Weaver - Lisa Gerard

the riddle is simple but the implications are stronger than you think. we are a strange loop.

Yard Sale

I had a yard sale today, actually got all my stuff in a car and headed over to my moms house and sold there. What a success! There were people buying everything in sight.

I got off to a late start last night, putting out the signs. I decided to put up signage in a consistent, single path from a main road. I didn't set the signs out all over and hope to catch roads; I was going after one direction, that I guessed would be the best direction the yardies would show.

The Hard core yardies got there at 7:30 am, I got up late (7:40) because I got into a big fight with someone last night + ended up fighting until 4:00 am in the morning. I was actually trying to code last night and we got into a dispute about something and all night long we went at it; it was pathetic. Finally we decided to try something called a 'conversation' at the end of it all, and then I fell asleep at the keyboard from the boredom of trying to deal with them. At least I was able put enough on a USB key to be able to carry back off to my workstation and finish the work today.

The yard sale was a smash. It doesn't matter how long the signs are up, it matters how clearly and frequently they point to your place. And the weather was a major factor, it was clear and cool. Everything went for sale. Yay. No more junk in the garage. :D

The thought there is that if you have seven signs or so, don't put them where everyone has to do the perfect thing to follow them and you hit all the main arteries that way. Insted take one good artery and then just guide them in nice and careful.

I missed out on a lot last night; I didn't really have a choice. I was pinned. But tonight. Thats another story.

Us and Them - Pink Floyd

How to dismantle an Atomic Bomb

Your first step is to realize that there are two parts to worry about. One is the reaction core, and the other is the trigger. The trigger drives a pellet of fissible material into a core.

One of the cool tricks you can do with a core is to dope it with heavy water so that you end up with more fast neutrons. Actually the thing to really worry about here is the fast neutrons , they are bad news.

Be safe. Ok. Take the trigger offline - usually there is a keypad, the detonation sequence is likely heavily coded so that it can't be triggered by mistake but you just want to take it apart so things will be in your favor. This thing will not likely detonate by default if the trigger is breached. I said likely. Depends on whose bomb.

Take out the triggering mechanism that would've driven that little pellet core into the main fissible material. Once you can get past the keypad, its probably just screwed into place in the center behind the pad.

Your main problem won't be the bomb itself but the security around the trigger mechanism - there is a good probability it will have a satellite/gps transceiver on a protected circuit so remember, before you start, get yourself inside a metal box. It will block the signal. Electromagnetic field cannot go through a sealed metal box.

The two parts, taken apart will be safe enough .. but commonly the trigger mechanism is protected by a secondary device, much in the same way as cash in a vault often has an exploding paint mechanism to blow up in your car when you drive away. So be careful of that too when you take it out. Also remember, as soon as you screw with it , it will start talking.

Once you have the trigger and core separated you can dispose of the core quickly. Its bad for flowers, children and living things. Don't get any on you or breathe in any dust. If it gets in you it will kill you. Get some dishwashing detergent or other soap and put it in that, so that no dust or particles can fly off it. It will likely be round since that is the easiest shape to make the thing work.

The trigger is another story. By the time you've read this and followed instructions its likely the trigger has communicated to whatever intelligence agency is responsible for monitoring the location of the bomb, your lat/long or, cords, for short.

So the easiest way to dismantle an atomic bomb is to damage the trigger enough to bring them running and then split. And I mean, get out of there fast. You know, like that adage about Lynn, Massachusetts? Lynn, lynn city of sin. Never go out the way you came in. Once they find what you left for them, they'll take it apart for you. And recycle it.

Mysterious Ways - U2

did you know that this temple, really important - the big one, you know, in israel, y made in a funny way. - they built over it alot? to get there, you have to kneel.. i mean the real way in..

My Favorite Bible Verse

My favorite part of the debate last night between the democratic presidential primary debate was "which is your favorite bible verse". Even more fun was how it was reported. Here is NBC Reporter Chris Matthews on Bill Richardson's response:

"And what about Bill Richardson? He didn't even know what to say there.. on that question."

And for the record, gentle reader, here is what Bill Richardson said, in response to the actual question:

"My favorite Bible Verse is the Sermon on the Mount, because its about equality, and coming together. "

As the immortal John Lennon said.. "Why don't we do it in the road?"

Watambi - Joel Crawford

Squirrels! :)

Descent into the Fiery Hell of Blogdom

I am completely aware that I can't really keep a horse. I don't have a big truck. Or a trailer. The cash outlay for an animal like this is prohibitive; Nevertheless, that element of me that somehow drives me forward to do things that don't always make sense, keeps a horse. Its not painful. Why, Does it look painful?

Same with blogging. The hours I spend playing with concepts here are like a garden near my home, that gets way too much care while all around my life frays at the edges.

Which brings me back to the horse. A couple of days ago she took a jump with a rider on her. The rider was thrown forward and she bucked back and the person got up off the ground, fairly shaken. So around we go again, and this time the horse gets communicated the fear of the jump even though she took it fine the first time. Horses have awful short term memory and amazing long term memory so that old adage about "you have to get back up there" really does hold true. The horse will forget its gotten the best of you and just remember that you held on the second time.

So naturally, next two times around once we get the very shaken rider back up on the horse, the horse keeps evading the jump. And we all hold our breath. This is how things get un-learned. And I get out there and step in and provide some pressure. Finally the pony can fly again.

And there is that one moment. We all smiled. Its just a paint mare jumping pony, jumping 1M. An inexperienced rider. A guy in the ring along with, who barely knows what to do, can't afford doing it - but all of a sudden she takes the jump and the rider takes the horse, and everyone is clear headed again.

So maybe life is really finite after all, just moments we string together? The sun setting on a new mexico desert at the last strains of the 9th symphony of Beethoven. Bats flying through the air at Carlsbad caverns cursum perficio. Being able to write here at my desk again, without people drinking beer next to me (I was on a Wi Fi connection at a local bar for the last three weeks..) will accelerate my descent into blogdom again. Is it really hell? Hm. Lets talk about hell ( I still have to go to the stables, it will help me get ready.) Not that I am putting off my chores until the Telco guy arrives... but ..

How will those (how many were there?) (seven?) seals of the apocalypse open ? Lets see... When the pumps underneath New York City shut down , even for two days. or the supply of Gasoline to California ever stopped, just for five days - or just one week of grocery supplies didn't run ..... .......

Two days of shutdown in the tunnel system of New York City, and the entire subway system of New York City floods completely - five days no gasoline in California and every car in California runs out of gas, same thing, essentially for groceries and the entire city of Atlanta starves. In New York, the first freeze, the roads will buckle and tear the city apart - huge chunks of ice in the subways beneath.

Welp. Telco called but never showed up. So off to the stables with me. I will probably have to come back at some importune moment. Like shovelling horse poo. I don't question doing it mind you. I just question my own sanity. These days, now, quite a lot in fact. Why am I actually bothering? Only 3,917 hits?! Only an increase of 700 over 3200 last time. Pah! Maybe I should be at the stables.. My horse appreciates my abilities with shovelling ... (see diagram above)

I guess the real question is if my nails can hold on any longer on this flat black metal surface I'm trying use to halt my descent. The sound of them against the metal, screeching, has been fairly decent accompaniment these last ten miles of freefall. See look, I can change it? I can play "old mcdonald had a farm". Ah. A mans reach should exceed his grasp, or else what's a heaven for?

Hmm... Can the devil know how fast I am coming by the doppler shift in my scream?

Your Mother Should Know - The Beatles

Goodbye Amber

I am not sure when, but Amber Dalton's blog just disappeared .. It was called "For this I went to college?". :(

Keeps things in perspective, huh? Here today. Gone tomorrow. Amber was an object of absolute fascination - I had worked with DBA's in the past, and one of my closest partner was a DBA. It was a very organic thing. She reminded me of Florida, it didn't matter that it was the lame side of Florida, it was Florida. Here today. Gone tomorrow. Gee. Just like South Florida, I guess.

To tell the truth, I didn't know her. Never met her. Spoke with her maybe, what. Once. Alot of "rules" in the conversation. She was nice, don't get me wrong. I know she just hit the delete key when the end came. She was probably miffed that someone backtracked something out of her profile or something. This is totally DBA. They decide to do something, and they do it. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead. Every DBA I ever met was strongly opinionated and had that blank character that let you do things like that. So the blog is totally gone. Completely shredded. Even though the blog was really a record of her and her daughter, she started it when her little one was in utero. Gone.

Hey, though. As watching blogs go by, hers was pretty fun.. .. there are others. There was a unique character about it, that I will miss. So this is my way of saying goodbye.

I only keep a few links on the right hand side. I'm not interested in building up a registry for the blogosphere. Does anyone know a nice decompression blog somewhere I can link up to? Hope you're ok, Ambers. Sometimes things can be unpredictable. Hope all that noise about being alone and loving it wasn't a cover. Bye :)

Cannonball - Damien Rice

retournee a demain, pour vous mon amis. parole et pensee.

Listlessness

1. Play Minesweeper/ Expert Level - while listening to Pink Floyd "The Great Gig in the Sky". Listen for the conversation between a man and a woman.
2. Mistake lust, for love. Fall asleep in your girlfriends bed and let her lipstick lesbian roommate photographer shoot your sleeping visage and then watch in wonderment as you find it at the next museum installation you both attend, blown up to 10 feet high and covered with the sentence "He mistakes lust for love". Be slightly amazed as nobody recognizes you.
3. Get a coupon folder and put it in your car and break out the coupons when you are eating out or at the grocery store. Stick it to the MAN
4. Go to church. Just do it. And sing while you're there too. In fact, get up and sing as a member of the choir. Wear a white robe. Wear what you want underneath the white robe.
5. Join an elite club in a big city, with a secret meeting room atop a black glass skyscraper downtown. Its thousands of dollars initiation. Pay it then don't pay the monthly fees all of a sudden. Ask them to keep you in 'suspended' mode, and pretend to go to India. Then, after you find that they're holding your account for you, take part of the money you save and Really go to India.
6. Let your human body inadvertantly become a breeder for a slow acting virus whose symptoms are similiar to a common cold . But its a cold that doesn't make you feel too sick. Watch in horror as it mutates to destroy the entire world. Listen for its little virus laugh when it does. Then, hit a drum roll and do a Seinfeld impersonation and complain about how everyone is dying. Hit the canned laughter button if everyone is gone. Start your routine off "Hey, I'm Immune.."
7. File some important looking federal papers it doesn't matter what they are, just pick some that you have to file, and file the. Remember to keep things straight and simple. Type out the PDF files if they allow you to edit them then fill out the rest. Try signing something with an electronic signature.
8. Go do something really fun. Like climb a rock wall or something. Something cool. Then add it to this list. Start off the ol list tag, in the comments, and see if you can make the list start off at number 10 instead of 1.

The Doctor is [IN]

A few thoughts on death

I thought I might write a few thoughts on death. I absolutely hate the f-k. He's not thief, nor is he some kind of mystical force. Death is the wagekeeper for all sin in the world. Death will open up the seventh seal.

Death claimed alot of my friends, some of my family, and even some extended family. I don't like that one bit. I dont have any poems to write here. Life is for the living. I do think poetry is great but I prefer the battle epic to the epitath.

I was just wondering, do you think he actually does play chess? When I was a female (a blonde) in SL I beat the heck out of a really obnoxious dominant master type (you've figured out I like high stakes games by now?) who wanted me as his slave. I thought it was a fair wager for the amount of money he was willing to put up against it all. I beat him in that way in which you slowly dawn it upon someone that they made a fool out of themself. I have played better people, I think that was part of my secret. Note to self: anyone with an international rank - And never make a bet golf with anyone who shows up on the first tee with squinty eyes, a suntan, and a one iron in his bag.

So Death, you scored one this week. Your shiny blade is all covered with the blood of innocents again. Here is a nice thought. I will be happy to beat you again.I have practically beaten you twice in the past week already. I am more than willing to make it three times. Lets see.. my business, near death experience, oh I don't know. How about that run at the hill, over on Lake Hartwell? Were you there, Mr. Death? Something made the air colder that day.

Some people think you're great, you know. The opposite of Life. Unity of balance. Some kind of welcoming force to set our souls on a path to heaven. I think I saw you once in the Caldera didn't I. Maybe it was that time the desert sand blew across the road and made it slick. I know you can open the gates to heaven or hell. You cast aside flesh and bone, and set us free. But lets set this straight between us, Death. I know what color horse you ride.

I think I hear your icky friends calling you.

Tugaloo Part Two

Tugaloo Triathlon/ Lake Hartwell - is done >:). YAY. My fourth. Second time I've done this race,- I had a real dogfight with someone on the bike. I cleared a new PR for speed, on the bike. I topped 57 mph on the bike. Son of a bitch passed me while I was just staring at my computer in wonderment. Traded respect at T2.

I probably put together slightly better time than last year but I have decided that this is the year of the marathon I am convinced that if I can fix my stride (I strike left foot hard , so much so that my left leg is actually bigger around than my right - comes also from when I broke the right one when I was younger too but thats another story) - and shed 30 pounds I will have my 10k and I will have my strong time. I have given menu control of every single thing I eat over to the someone who reminds me far too much of the goddess kali. And since she is +under weight+ its actually a fair trade; I made her eat oysters chocolate and peanut butter today. With bread. >:) I had a glass of water. Grrr.

I had the strangest thoughts on the run, I thought about cheating. Which is a real joke, cut through the woods on any Tri, and you will be DQ. I thought about other people who have this self inflated view of themselves as runners. The usual bullshit self talk that gets you nowhere but walking. Sort of like playing "dust in the wind" on your ipod when you're trying to break mile 12 after a long day. Defeatist.

I found someone that was getting hurt worse than me. My first mistake was to assume they weren't and they were just turtle slow like me. Not so. They were hurtin' for certain. TNT people. And so I paced myself with them. Then slowly moved ahead. I wanted to stay with them but finally left them behind.

Then comes the one that can pace close to you. And he and I ran for three miles together. That was fun. I got in front of him. Then we caught his son. Ended up ahead of them by a minute.

The total highlight of this race was the bike, just an epic dogfight, between me and some evil rat bastard on the bike. I must have passed, like, 20 people. I loved it the whole time. SOB passed me in the second to last mile feeding into a no-pass zone after a 57 mph downhill. I think I probably averaged 23 mph. I can't wait to see the results there.

I marked up either arm with two sayings, I actually did more time on the left side than the right. Just read the markings on my arms. It was cool. I breathe naturally on the right. It made the whole thing pretty fun and I usually know I am good out of the swim when I can barely walk out of the thing.

I am a good runner, put down a 4:30 something in high school on the mile. Someone at the tri yesterday told me I have to just run one so hard you puke your guts out at the end, and then you'll be over it. I am so psyched against the whole thing. Running sucks. I have always hated it in the tri, hated it so much. Oh you probably thought it was love. Seriously sometimes I wish I was on drugs. And of course the business is loving its new unprovisioned T1 circuit that my lame Telco put a new order on after they did an administrative shutoff of the last one. A brand new order. Two weeks of downtime. And I have to move every damn site out to offsite. Thrills. I didn't say cheap.

I could use a running partner. Or a coach. Or a pastoral counselor. :)

Violin Concerto II - Philip Glass [Kate Moss]

Good Sects

There is this old story about Solomon, how to him complexity seemed play. He cut through problems like a sharp knife. He had a following.

People seem to be able to form groups around those that can lead, they tend to enjoy the idea that they can follow someone else to nirvana. But if you ended up with the wisdom of Solomon, you're on the outside. You have the chance of being picked off by a predator, and they would gladly sacrifice you. Take a look at the record. Caesar. Socrates. the list goes on.

If you are an agent of change you're different. And if you're different, you're expendable. And possibly worth thinking about. A dangerous place to be.

When I was little my dad got a call one day to the E/R. There was a homosexual doctor who had taken Ak47 bullets. His lover and former employer had just gotten his entire group to drink poisoned flavor-aid (not kool-aid).

I remember the day they arrived. The helicopters came in low across the horizon. They were carrying the body of a dead senator, this gay doctor, who turned out to be a very nice guy, and the wounded and surviving members of the Jonestown Guyana cult. A sect known as the People's Temple.

Hatred had to drive those people to do that. Jim Jones was an agent of hatred. He had a unified church. The sects break off and go their own way but whenever there is some seriously bad thing that they would all need to do, hatred can unify them. What the priest class of ancient egypt did to Akhnaten , the pharaoh, was a good example there as well. He was a just leader, and he had the nerve to try to unify everyone under one god - his image and identity were obliterated by the priest class, all different sects - isis, osiris, horus, anubis, everyone got together and tried to completely erase him. Almost did. If Akhtetaten (the temple of the sun) had not been built, he might have disappeared. His stellae were all but destroyed.

Hatred is destructive. But I think it has purpose. Not only can it destroy. It can provide a mechanism by which evil, or that agent of change that destroys - can be fed. That is, suppose for the sake of an argument that there is a mirror you somewhere.

Say that evil you wants to undo everything you love and care for. Its sole purpose in life is to destroy you. That evil you would contain its focus in hatred - it would watch you, intently. Not out of love. Nearly all of your actions have meaning to it, and that meaning drives its organized actions. It sees the thing inside. And it wants to scream. It looks to you in more ways than one.

I remember once when I lived in the Pacific Northwest (may I soon return) I was in traffic. I hate traffic. I like traffic lights.. but only when they're green. I saw a bumper sticker. it said.. BATHE HER AND BRING HER TO ME.

I was thinking. Dude. thats a cool bumper sticker. And then I realized... wow... this is Seattle... I might be driving behind a guy who is working for the military industrial complex. It was right then I decided, for every plane in my life. If it ain't Boeing, I ain't going! >:)

So, I learned something while I was (and currently am) network down. I learned that the Hindu Goddess Kali is actually one of three forms, Durga (Strength), Kali (Fate) and Parvati (Goddess of the Breast). There are two types. Goddess of the tooth, and goddess of the breast. The tooth, are those who act upon the world. The breast. more sublime, representing motherhood. These are concurrent incarnations. The hindu gods played alts. And the Hindu Love Gods played the Filmore (that was a great concert :)

Many think of the sect that worships Kali (the thuggee, from which the word "thug" is derived) is a cult of hatred. Kali is always shown represented at point of kill, but also something interesting .. her husband. She is always standing on her husband. It turns out, her husband is the only thing that can contain her. She is , in fact, fate. and Time. And destiny. Her husband's sleeping form contains here else she would destroy everything..


Assume voice of Bill Murray.. "So, you know I have that going for me.."

Sleep

I hacked a computer to write this. I'm not actually here. I'm network down. Since my network is gone, I am gone.

Kind of like, you know. What they did to Akhnaten? Remember that guy? He was the one who had the nerve to try to say that Egypt should shut down the different sects and worship one god. He was supposed to sleep until he wakes up in the afterworld..

With all of his vital organs in a jar. Hm... some of them might be attachments, then .. would you say?

Hi There. I'm Brian Durex

..and I don't like normal condoms. >:)

Three Things for Saturday

First, I am playing a game with someone. I think he is Portugeuse. So three things to take care of. We must be polite with our game.

The first is to time things so that I can sprint to my car and get the bar of chocolate I have there. ... done. 12 seconds. got the ipod too. The second is to take a picture of the rose on my desk. Just below my monitor. Let la personne portugeuse just worry a bit while I have him on the bar. I am not cruel, mind you. Just dominant. I will win.

And it has the desired effect. He's second guessing himself now.. The third thing? (edits, uploads the picture, finishes the game) Win the game. . . - Everything wraps - to borrow a term from my summer working for the film industry - at 4 pm ESDT. I plan on some serious play time tomorrow evening.

Six AM Sunrise Brick [Bike/Run]/ This will be likely my only training run for the entire Sept. 15th lead up so I have been trying my own new plan which is kind of what I would call an XP version , pairing strong runs and bikes with medium lead up/downs to base me up. I have to make a good number stick here. 20 mile/ six mile . 1:50 pace goal That will put me right on a sub 3 hour finish at that +bear+ of a course at Tugaloo. (tough bike!) ... you get off on the fear but you party on the deliverable... :)

March - Antonio Salieri (Variation) - Amadeus

Love is the Seventh Wave (Flatland)

Flatland , by Edwin Abbott - is a romance of many dimensions. The basic idea of the book is that it is possible to traverse dimensions and talk of them in the context of your own. For example, we are using electrons glowing on a screen to simulate three and four dimensional audio waves that would reach your ear, hit electronic synapses against 3 dimensional waves in the fluid of your inner ear, and fire into a pattern of three dimensional spread within the holographic network of your brain to acquire cognitive assembly. Sometimes they will stay locked in a cell. But not quite in prison. There is a great difference. ..between being in a prison cell and being in a cell. >:)

Being that we have imagination, we can reference symbolic representations of three dimensional objects (apples, bears, peaches, hot tubs, baseballs, things like that) simply by re arranging essentially 55 million utterances into finite patterns that represent the real thing within your mind. Now, to save some space and time you're probably only going to deal with the ones that you really think are neat. So you might have a disposition to deal with the ones that sound tonal (like Chinese) or atonal (like American English) or music to my ears (Australian). In fact, you're probably going to be forever looking for that nice little feeling you had when you were nursing and your mother was caring for you. Mama might be a decent enough reflection of the movement of a persons lips for a womans breast.. so perhaps you have some built in feelings about what these sounds mean to you. You can interpret the sound anyway you like. The tone, however, will give you away. You can't hide those lyin eyes, son. Don't even try. >:)

So, if Flatland makes this huge assumption that we can think in three dimensional terms about pointland, lineland. etc. Its amazing to read, because the assumptions are so deeply embedded. For example, in pointlad (an entire location in a single point), you can ... go there. Going, means from point a. to point b. Well. so much for pointland concepts. Pointland would be alot like a place I used to live (Oakland Ca. ). There would be no there, .. there.

One of the first features of Flatlands story is that there is a bill to be passed which would allow people add color to their lives. Its called the 'color' bill. Now, its important because women, if they had the power to use color - would use it and could possibly color themselves to look like priests (the circles, which are very high up on the food chain).

They anticipate with delight the confusion that would ensue. At home they might hear political and ecclesiastical secrets intended not for them but for their husbands and brothers, and might even issue commands in the name of a priestly circle; out of doors the striking combination of red and green, without the addition of any colors, would be sure to lead the common people into endless mistakes, and the Women would gain whatever the Circles lost, in deference of the passers by.

Needless to say, the females (I think they were triangles) were all in favor of the color bill. But sort of to keep par for the course with the victorians, they usually failed to conserve energy (they were just discovering it). I believe the whole idea of keeping things neat and clean between the sexes wrests in some part on conservation of energy.

The firing and communication of light messaging on retina to brain tissue would also require electronic medium (electrons flowing in a 3 dimensional field, similiar to the cloud of electrons in a copper wire). So again, three dimensions would be required.

Easily enough, given all the suppression - the subject of love was not introduced. It makes you wonder, can molecules fall in love.

In order to fall in love, a molecule should be able to traverse the dimension it finds itself within. But we have to be very careful about the assumptions we make, or the game falls apart. Flatland was supposed to be hard science fiction, and a send-up of victorian england. And in this it succeeds. Females, for instance, have the power to color themselves as they please and in so doing break from their rigid place in the world. So there's a chromatic revolution to restore social order. And so all we read , in this romance of many dimensions - is the standard posturing of a male mathematician.

How would a molecule, go out of its way to dance around ideas of love, passion and connection between two forms. Perhaps in the same way that energy would fly out of the vaccuum.

For me , at least, the first step in falling in love is believing that you can. That means believing in love that gives without asking. All of life is meaningless except for this way. And this truth. And the life in that love.

The specific character of despair is precisely this: its not knowing its being despair. - Soren Kierkegaard

I don't always open up my posts to discussion. I try to write them so they are tight, kind of a sort of exercise in keeping a journal. But just this once, I am curious to know if you really ever fell in love with anyone with every part of you. I want to know if you feel that you could do that with more than one person? I never really trusted the crush. But man it can make you creative.

I know someone who really is the sunrise. To my night. And I also know that if the world had three suns, and only once ever 1,000 years, there was a night. It would be chaos. Just as I know that every time I see another sunrise I feel good inside. When I say good morning to my friends. I mean it - kind of like, "And now that I've found you. I could never turn my back on you. So I trust in Love. (So I trust in Love)" - POD

And I believe that there are more dimensions to this world than we can see. I think I have caught a glimpse of them somewhere out in the line up. Somewhere where you can almost sense that the sevent wave of a set will be the largest. Sometimes being able to just feel which wave happens next. Sometimes just by feeling relaxed. Its about Time and Rhythm. Expression. And Tone. >:)

Stuff from my Mom

Ok, my mom reads this blog. I find it refreshing that I have managed to ignore her. But I won't ignore it when she sends something cool that lets me be, essentially, lazy and just re-post something she mails to me.

My mom, is kind of a hippie. I love her to death but she and I do have different views on things. My view is more or less aligned with that of Lady Sheridanne Kelley's. I tend to see things in terms of , for lack of a better term, absolutes. Whereas my mom tends to see things in relatives. That said, I think I get my sense of humour from her. I don't try to take life too seriously. But I do plan to play with dolly's. or is that dollies. Hey we all have things that dominate us..

Although she does have an effect on me. For example, the absolute side of me is that if I were ever married it would be a end of tomcatting for turnerbroadcasting. But, I would not get bent out of shape if I didn't have everything on schedule immediately after. My brother is not like this. He flew to Cancun, at 5 am the next morning and had a very cool honeymoon all ready to go. His wedding was beautiful. Then again, he's a lawyer. I found a pod next to his bed once, all opened up with gooey stuff inside. And tentacles.

I would probably , if I got married in real life, be perfectly happy to watch "Natural Born Killers" on DVD and then go to sleep. And maybe fly out somewhere in a month or so. Or maybe two months. Any prospective wife should take note that I am not particularly interested in winding down after a big party by going off somewhere and becoming a tourist. I lived in the carribbean far too long to have a positive idea about Tourists. We go to the foothills of the himalayas? We're going there to live there for a while, love. You get pregnant, no problem. I make sure we stay in good food. (there's a biryani.. I still dream of it.)

Maybe I would fly to Kyoto. Where we would take a bath, nude, with random strangers that smile at us as they jump in the tub with us. And we smile right back. Then off to an Osaka hotel, for the night , then jet down to Hong Kong, where we would gamble. Eat noodles. Pick up some pirated software . Arr. Then I might take us diving on the great barrier reef. B-n-b for a week or so, in a little spot called Capetown. And then, for a month or two, head off to the foothills of the himalaya. Awaken to the sound of the priests singing morning ritual as the mist settles at gangtok or silliguri. Hike the foothills of ChomolungMa and Kanchenchanga. And explore the wonders of a 45 to one exchange rate. heh heh heh. >:)

The point is that I would be a good prey animal about it all and use camouflage on my honeymoon. I know that, as a herd animal, the wolves can take one of us and we'll still be alive. So I wouldn't interfere with other peoples plans to give me their interpretation about my sex life. Especially if I had a marriage where 20 people gave me their opinion about whether or not I should do it. See? I love to hear what you have to say. I might, at this point, regarding my SL marriage, join the priesthood soon. Building churches. Fall in love with peas. Call them my children. So... here's to my mom. She sent me this today. In the spirit of complete chastity and obedience () :-) and to celebrate my SL wedding, which seems more and more a bigger and bigger deal to me. (not sure why)

In an effort to internalize our conscious understanding of the nature of cause and effect, we can never truly know how our thoughts, emotions, words, or actions will manifest themselves on the larger universal stage because it is likely that the furthest-reaching effects will fall outside the range of our perception

Now since yesterday I've been working on a piece that builds from edwin abbott's flatland. Guess I should never expect mom's to play fair but if we ever have that synchronicity thing going I will try to post it here (soft BDSM, no thanks.). So there's my mom's cool thought for the day . Happy Thursday >:) We are secrets to each other Each one's life a novel No-one else has read. (Neils Peart - Entre nous)

Two Girls Both Named Amber

Theres this fantastic line from the film "Inside Man" by Spike Lee, which goes something like this "I plan to be spending time in a hot tub with two girls both named Amber".

The reason for this post is that I tried to get to know someone named Amber once. Just coming clean, here. I even tried to get to know the same girl, again. When she first met me, at sentence count equal to one, she told me I was a smart ass. Then, when I met her again. She told me I was a smart ass. Hmm. .. this seems to be a trend... :)

I wrote about her. To her. Of her. She was not quite an obsession. But man, was she ever my hero. That whole overpunctuation thing? I got that from her. Its. like. this. I do prosody work. Things. like. that. turn. me. on. I think its fun. I really did respect her, once, at least in some sense, and would have loved to have gotten to know her. I would really like to have her as a friend. Don't know if she's right or wrong. I probably am a smartass.

Brevity, they say, is the soul of wit. ;)

She considers herself adventurous. She probably is! I don't mean to carp on her. I guess my point always was - "The really pathetic part about all of this is you have to ask the question" . >:) She asked the question... Two girls both named Amber. Glad I knew them both. One question I always had, was, if you have two girls at once, who's on top? when one gets married, one finds out very quickly who is on top. trust me on this point.

In the end, top, bottom. Up. down. It doesn't really matter who is on top, or bottoms. We're all , in one way or another - Inside Man. That is the story..

And in the end. What a story that will be. :)
please note, they used a smokebomb to attract the cops.. thank you

Touch Tone

The Whitehead Institute spends alot of time studying traits that pass from parent to offspring in a predictable fashion, following well-understood rules of mathematics.

One trait, that interests me is language. Is language innate? I always believed Noam Chomsky was right in this regard; language is inherent to our species.

I do not believe language, the capability to generate it, or use it - is unique. In fact, I believe that our species or even life itself is not unique. I believe that life, can evolve from molecular networks. I believe that those networks communicate.

The network communication that we can filter and view, is language. When I lived in the Caribbean, there was a place about six miles away - I saw it from my window every day. It was just over the strait; an island where, on the other side - was a very unique place. It was called phosphorescent bay. This place is famous for glowing eerily at night; outboard motor wake glows bright green. It is a form of algae that glows when agitated - there were traces of it in a place that we called penguin bay. I saw it one night. Just flashes of it.

I learned later on that this is a form of cellular communication. It really was surprising, to me, to find that these sort of simple creatures were actually talking. And then it hit me: that communication is essential to life itself. Its part of life.

The evidence you want to look for, is in typhus. Its an evil critter. But unlike the viral forms of disease that grow and multiply by splicing off your DNA and just hammering on you - this one can grow and multiply and never be fatal. Until.. it begins to communicate. Typhoid actually signals to other , that there is a critical concentration of the population. They actually send out chemical signals , like the algae in phosphorescent bay - that light up a response in the rest of their population that says , essentially , that they have the numbers needed for their evil campaign. And then they inexorably proceed to destroy or maim their host in a full-on frenzy.

This is evidence of meaningful communication, albeit evil - on the cellular level. If we take the sort of liberal view that encoding and decoding DNA can have some elements of storage capacity - that I wrote about earlier - then we have in DNA a sense of being able pass, from generation to generation, traits that prefer or inhibit certain kinds of communication.

Mendel spent alot of time in the garden. Probably way too much. Why? Do you ever find yourself doing something that you feel you really shouldn't be doing? And yet you keep on. Perhaps he found that in the little peas there was a pattern.

Its important in these cases to follow some kind of code. The more defined, the better. You will be cast adrift on the sea of changes that talking to legumes will get you in our society, if you do not. In Mendels case it was an unwavering belief in the power of God to effectively - I hope I am writing this well - will creation into being. The howl to the moon crowd that found out Mendel was talking to his garden likely darked down when they lined up his day job with what they knew about powerful, invisible beings that write long love letters to the world (thanks sheri!).

Ladd and Dediu have written , about a month and a half ago, that the genetic markers on ASPM and Microcephalin - relate to whether or not a person, if they pick up a certain mutation of them - will have a propensity to speak a tonal language. Chinese, for example - has a tonal word "Ma" that if you say it in a high level tone, means "Mother" , but if you say it in a low, rising tone it means "Horse".

So the game would be to note how these genetic markers identify chinese vs. other races. The Australians, for example, have a lovely british sounding accent but speak essentially, english. The meaning is unchanged. But the recognition task changes immensely. The difference in prosody is enough to through the recognizer into confusion. The basis of the work above, is that meaning is unchanged. Being partnered to an Aussie and being involved in ASR I can say that anyone who believes this has totally gone completely spare. IMHO genetic markers - the cognitive ones taht L+D are searching for - are likely involved in a different task. In my view, DNA is kind of like a smart battery, ready to power on particular types of sequences but not actually controlling the expression or mutation of them - ie. they don't instantiate the mutation but simply power the mutation sequence like a car battery powers a car - it starts it up but the expressed sequences are designed to withstand viral splicing so different engines take over for specific mutation. These engines in my view, should be identical to the ones that started off life in the first place - energy driven networks of molecules. Thats right, sports fans. In all likelihood its because the networks requesting resources are peckish (hungry). Life always deals with the hunger first. [This. is. necessary.]

On this level, the kind of hunger I am willing to bet we can look for is the same kind of organizing network states that defeat an autistic state of being. When our brains shut down, they seize into a state where they cannot see the forest for the trees. I think that the breakdown people suffer in aspergers or autistic network play is related in part to the brains inability to seize on mind, throught the networks. Theres a whole lot of electrical activity in the old noodle.

People with Aspergers are often seemingly cold - this is part of it. This engine that drives life, has a built in sense of direction in how to organize networks of molecules and in various symphonies of what we would call , just above ideas - some sort of organizing powerful thoughts like evil, love, god. This is not to say that science can trap the soul. But rather, that those 10 office floors in your brain that can't use the telephony network and have to send faxes to each other, are network down because the guiding superconcept or superideal is down. Think of it like a smart switch - they are responsible for backplaning the network. Raise your children without these superideals (train a child up in the way that he shall go..:) ) and you will end up eventually paying the price.

Like two trees growing together from each other, organizing superideas are probably in some very real sense alive but enmeshed in each other and could not be removed without killing the other. Higgs boson experiments, that are going on now - are really looking into whether or not spacetime itself displays a sense of being alive. At least in the sense that it is perfectly willing to enfold asymetric pair production and pop energy into the vaccuum occasionally, or wrap a universe up and fold it into a cycle of expansion and contraction. This strikes at a concept of god, for me. After all, what properties would a being have to have, if they exist through, or at the point at which the entire universe is collapsed onto the head of a pin? Omniscient. Omnipotent. Omnipowerful. Sounds pretty familiar doesn't it. But for me, not because God can be found in a particle but because anyone who has ever been in a garden, and sat down and cleared their mind - and just looked at a flower. Or maybe a little squirrel even. Anything really. And just , maybe in this flower - have ever seen God willing this whole thing into creation. It speaks for itself. It is what it is. That was the original hebrew word for god. Y'weh. (I am , that I am).

My ancestors on my fathers side were Austrian. We were "Halle" school of theology (Salzburgers) which said, that if you were in bed, paralyzed with a fever - it was god's will that you were in bed with that fever and that even if you could not move - there is a plan for it and if you follow that plan that god laid out you will succeed.

So we ended up in Georgia. The ones that went to Australia were the lucky ones. Or so I am told.

But at any rate, track down markers through my line and you may or may not find a propensity for pitch. The genetics is there to store what others might see as an almost autistic trait of having perfect pitch - a trait almost necessary for certain languages, such as mandarin. We may have had musical ability. Hey. Maybe not. :) More likely you will see in the sequence a memory trace of the activity.

Language is innate. Chomsky is right about this. Why is it that, language is intuitive? What role would tone have to play in this? Is the communication of emotion, the right way to study tone - or is there another aspect of tonal communication that speaks more powerfully? Are the physical, stored capabilities of our DNA provide the necessary and sufficient conditions for the nearly-autistic expressions of either pitch, or for that matter - any other type of super-processing?

Or is it just god at play with the very fabric of who we are. We are made of starstuff. So they say. Maybe a simpler answer exists. Tracking down the markers that determine whether or not a person will have an ability to speak a tonal language is likely a useful activity. But we should know by now, having read blogs - that we also use tone to read, and understand. As well as communicate emotion.

Thats the reason why you scanned this entire post down to this line, and read it first.

Blood of Eden - Sinead O' Connor/ Peter Gabriel

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.. And the darkness still has work to do.. ...>.)

Web 2.0

Shine it. Its time to let the cat out of the bag. Web 2.0 is about more than just technology. Its a profound evolution of humanity. And the sword cuts both ways.

This weekend I had the benefit of being on the right side of the blade. I got married in SL. I will be damned if this marriage isn't as binding or as real, as a real one. Now, its a partnership. To be clear. So this is the basis. But it is a connection, a web 2.0 type experience that at least to me was truly cool. And scary. I have yet to write about the honeymoon. What about the SL partnership?

SL usually means you don't have a first life. Like Wonkette said to me once, SL usually means something is out of kilter with your first life. I think she said , something like "It just goes to show if you don't have a first life, you won't have a second life".

Now, being transfixed by such spaces as SL is not +supposed+ to be a form of addiction. My new partner said, regarding this, that humans are social animals and that its ok for us to want to be with others. I really do have a first life. And I have had enough addictions to know that SL is an addiction. It is intensely creative, and a profound extension of human communication. It would be nice if it wasn't. I am good at letting my real life benefit by it. I hope I am wrong and she is right. Time will tell.

And it allowed me to make a connection to another human being. One that I needed - its funny how sometimes that connection - can be important to life. For example, there is a person there - I just watch to see if she's online. I simply can't build up the courage to speak to her but if she's online I smile. I know shes there. This connection, a partnership - is different. After all there is a very real dividing line between real life and second life. And if you respect that, you can really grow. Part of my SL character's design is to find that edge - I love voice. I love to talk to other people about politics and listen to international perspectives. I love concerts. Things like that. I am also an intinerant burner. I have extremely happy moments at online raves + I am fairly certain that if Burning Life gets a little more focussed its going to shape up to become a really nice event.

But is this partnership +real+?

The answer is a resounding yes. And I think its important to pass it all through ceremony. At least it was for me. Our partnership was struck far before the SL marriage.

But the ceremony was done this saturday, and it has had a ripple effect on everything I do - for the better. It has the very real message to the world that there is another person out there, I can trust and care for. Thats important to me because in my position here, well, its kind of cold. So this means alot to me. There are three basic things I do - Research, train and adventure. In-world, its RP, play with others, and create things or scripts (a bit like writing software and also drawing and painting, all mixed together - its definitely fun! (note to partner lets do more of it.) ).

So , I kept telling her (and I should add at this point that the first time I saw my new SL wife after the wedding, I had gone anti-griefer earlier that morning and was still armed up - she tried to give me a hug or something and autopunish blew her across the room!! sorry :-/ ) - you know, I kept saying "I had a really great day." Well I did. More to the point, it was how different things seemed over the weekend. My life seemed more stable. Happier. Notably enough we still haven't dropped in for a share of marital bliss yet. I apologize for that its my fault. But I had to kind of gradually wake up here to the fact that our relationship has real world component. Its a nice balance. And it is a permanent thing. If this blog shuts down and I disappear from the world, it will still be there. I guess a little bit like Riddick. Nobody is ever going to kill Riddick.

So, IRL there was this very real impact. In-world (she's Australian, so in the early mornings she's asleep) , that morning, I had discovered that I had become a much better anti-griefer. Got into a hairball of a battle and won it. Very eclectic. Very fun. There are places and things I do in SL that almost put me in a state of euphoria and nothing quite matches having someone come up to you, that says they are evil.. and showing them just how cold and cool and wickedly wrong they are. I never +say+ that I am evil, in-world. I prefer to let actions speak louder than words.

So both in-world and out, I had this really great day. Its hard when all you can do is type a single line to try to say that. :) I kept saying it over and over. I asked her how her day went.

So, about her: She's manager of Role Play , a Brilliant director, A Lady of a large and well run Sim - imho probably the strongest and best lady of that Sim. She plays elvish characteristics which is good because my human form is definitely 100 percent elf. She takes control of situations and she knows what to do; and I would agree that the results usually speak for themselves. Our wedding is a classic example (75 people and it still went off well!). I am slightly blown away in fact by the things she's accomplished. Notably, we are undertaking together some nice project work. I don't really know if what she likes about me is that I can sincerely RP, which is true - (I really mix real life and RP together pretty well )(I am following lead from Tolkien (cf. Leaf by Niggle..etc) ) with some serious exceptions that I really need to talk to her about soon. But again this adds to what she does and part of my ride here is to help her out and also to see what a well managed sim, or even, or whatever - actually looks like. My dad said once "it helps to marry someone who knows how to keep the books". >.)

She's great to be around. She has some beachfront property and being a part of her land group, I can now build there. I built a wave there yesterday, but it was placed wrong. She found a nice place to start the wave off and now it just looks great. Its a really, really short ride and i am not quite there yet as a surfer (in-world skills) but it was really fun. I think we did a good job given that we only had like six meters offshore to work with at the start off point. The wave wraps around the small point nicely. (I say, buy the whole damn point and lets build a good solid left!)

And she's alot of fun. Yes in that way. She hails from down under + I love her accent and alot about her and I've picked up enough to know what I do no know. She's watching me out of the corner of her eye right now.. ():-)

RL, I deal with some extremely harsh personalities + I need to keep a level head. The art of it all is usually missing / not alot of gentle discourse or fun conversation. . Things are usually reduced to a kind of survival speak: need this. do that. etc. And then of course there's disagreement, and that is usually fairly terse. Business. I really do enjoy what I do, but they say you can take away an entire section of the brain of a computer programmer, and leave just the rote ability and he or she will do fine. Thats how I feel sometimes.

She's different than that. If anything. To a fault, she often flies purple when she speaks or writes. And its fun! I described her style as, say, we were writing about the sky, ok? She goes "Ah, the romance of the sky - behold the tumultuous clouds! the vivid expanse!". I go "the clouds rumble low over the horizon, heavy .. laden with rain... " totally complementary styles! She actively pulls me in the direction I need to go. I .. ahem.. occasionally push her... a bit more towards the real. I am usually pushing myself in that direction. I guess, like perhaps we are pushing the web to become more real and useful. iPhone type stuff..

So the web 2.0 , at least this small part of it, is really no longer anonymous. Far from it, it helps people to come together. Not always in a direct way, where you are represented by who you really are. But it builds literacy. It extends you, socially, emotionally and psychologically. Its affords an XP methodology approach to things. You have a cellphone? Does it take a picture of everything. Have you ever wondered where you would send that picture of that paint mare. Now you know. You would drive your spouse crazy if you did things like that. But high speed, semi-anonymous , social, pervasive networked relationships can share things like that. Um. And yes, it does occur to me that I might love the horse too much. It doesn't enter into our relationship. It was just an example picture.

My partner is someone in whom I can confide and build and help in equal measure. And someone whom I can , in a very special way. Love. She is a lady.

I wanted you to know this because I am planning and digging up material for another piece on .. peas! >:) and so I wanted to clear the screen about the fact that the web 2.0 has had this effect on me. I am a social person. I'm partnered now. And it just means, what it means. I love to be loved. (I love to be loved)

>:) happy.