The Bird That Sings When The Dawn is Still Dark
When the morphine came there was a catholic moment when I thought I should refuse I closed my eyes and visualized myself without it and decided it better that this medicine is used It helped. But not enough. The doctors had to do it again. And still . There was that moment of guilt. That single flinching instant where I have seen life as a game and points collected for purity No drink Drugs Mastery of self All at once swept away in a single decision At night, later in my hospital bed I did not dare to dream nor even sleep for fear the pain returned And when they asked me if I needed morphine I finally broke down that wall between me and all of the things that were designed for this specific moment and this specific use There was a moment of sickness very brief and then I felt At first, not necessarily free nor happy but focused As if I was not in dire pain and I began to see that this body that holds me can withstand much more than being