Twitter

Because sometimes 140 characters is all you need to express yourself. Uses for a useless medium

• Breaking news - follow the source you like, and you'll get it even when you're in the john
• Keeping Tinyurl.com in business - why not? someone had to compress your url for you.
• spying - did you have anything better to do with your free time, than check up on someone you don't know, and experience the rush of pretending that you do?
• D/S Collar - slave should let master know everything. bitch. :)
• unweave the fabric of society - stuck in a long line? on a train? don't talk to the person next to you .. talk to the world
• hack government - tweet your message of revolution. just don't go deep enough to give depth of reporting, thats news media entertainment's job!
• antidote to blogging - because hey, after all things are so much better now.
• pretend you're sexting - your friends won't know the difference. and that chick you were going to see in california this week needs to save on her phone bill anyway
• get into an argument - one where you can't actually express yourself, or try to talk things out in detail. just break it all down to insults. example. "yes, you did." .. "no, you didn't"... divorcing your wife? even better, try to work out a parenting or property plan. .. "u get the house i get the kids. no visitation. the stock portfolio is something we.. damn ran out of characters"
• Because punctuation is just extra characters, isn't it? After all, genetic engineering human beings for spare body parts is just around the corner. Who needs something so pesky as grammar, around here? Get rid of the word 'your', its now spelled 'ur'. 'great' is now 'gr8' roflmao!
• Because this is the 21st century , and Procrustes deserves a visit from you, too Woops.. ran out of characters. Can only give you a link! But you were already in front of a computer, right?

Remember, you will need to be able to do more than you can now in order to make full use of 'Twitter'. Make sure you can say you 'tweeted' someone, with a straight face. Practice it in the mirror so you get it right. Example: Go up to the mirror and say " I tweeted that the BIG PARTY is on for 8 o clock! ".

You're only hit, until you cry. After that you don't ask why..