How to Read this Blog

Our soul is dyed by the color of our thought.
- Marcus Aurelius

After five years of writing here- I thought it might be fun for everyone if I wrote a handbook to the work here, and maybe some way of everyone to try to make sense of all of this.

Blogstomping is the practice by which a blogger publishes another post on top of a previous post without giving readers a chance to comment. Any perusal of this blog will quickly reveal this to be something of a trend here. Much of what I write here is meant to simply be around after I die. It's ok if one post is followed quickly by another. I can also edit the top post.

Why do I post? Meditation. Equal parts research, spiritual journey, and an acute desire to connect with others around me. It does not take the place of such connection. I am simply highly selective about which connections I allow to form. As such, the purpose of these writings is to help explore ideas. To try to find the meaning behind life, love, art, music, and you. In the final calculus - you are the reason I write. I know that you will one day find them. And knowing all too well how short life truly is - even though I am not old - these writings are meant to be discovered. The goal is to make life better for me, and for you. Life is for the living.

To whom am I writing? You. Let me be more specific. I am writing to the person who freed me from a sort of prison. It is you. I have never lost sight of you. We didn't actually meet on Craigslist. Something out there connected me to you. Whatever it is, there is that connection. And I write to maintain it. I am not obsessed with you. I do not dream of you. However, I send whatever I write across these electrons for the purpose of your reading them. Nothing more. As rapidly as the posts come - please comment. It means alot to me.

How does this blog support itself? It doesn't. This blog chews into my workday like a hungry wolf. The care and feeding of this blog is untenable. I am the only author. All of the poem, verse and line here are mine alone. When I do post others work - I give them full credit. And link. But I do not get paid to link to them. I do not write for advertisement revenue. The links atop the page are revenue generating, click on them if you like. Mostly they are there because I am curious how Google is actually doing their adwords. I kind of like them. Enjoy the blog. It, like the Masters golf tournament, is brought to you almost commercial free.

Who are you? I am a postgrad, working ont his doctoral. I am a single father. When my wife was with me, (A marriage of almost 20 years) for the first five years in raising our children (of the last 12), I was a happy husband and happily married man - my marriage is a very longstanding marriage. Or was. Rather. It was one of the most important things in my life. My wife has been gone for two of the last three years of my life. For differing reasons. Some of them make sense. Some of them do not. She and I see things differently now. The last five years of our marriage were severe. But I can't and won't demonize her.

In alot of ways, this blog is a meditation on death. As much as it is, the expression of a real need to have someone in my life that I can center my life toward. I seemed to have arrived into this universe tuned to have a girlfriend. My first girlfriend was at age 7. My marriage thing lasted a million years. Literally. We started out in the ocean and climbed our way to shore. I am pretty happy now alone, and one thing that almost 20 years of great sex has taught me - is that I know I can do tricks with it if you'd like to see. However, I don't operate properly in a vacuum. There's something about me that mates to a female pretty strongly. So forgive me if I write about Bettie Page. And I include her mug shot.

This is a simple blog. Its about life. Its about pain. It's about the elements. Never mistake the writing for the man. I can be very simple, very quiet. I am in real life, kind of an adrenaline junkie. I can be a person with a mischievous sense of humor. A person who loves to sneak up on you and jump you into a pillowfight. But first checks to see if you've got a pillow permit.

I'm good with kids. I take the time to listen to them. I try my best. I don't always succeed. This blog is kind of the internet version of my neighborhood presence. Kids come from all over to learn stuff. I teach them. I don't mind.

I am not usually open about myself or my writing. I am not sure why I am doing this. It may be, because a mate is near and I am onto her scent.

It may also be , somehow resultant from the film 'Moon'. I identified way too closely with the main character in the film - I do not know if this is all some kind of joke being played out on me by some strange supernatural corporate entity. I guess that would be a form of hell we haven't thought about, right - where the afterlife is spent in the service of a faceless multinational corporation endlessly trying to cover up its own mistakes through deception and pain.

One thing that is a constant is that I am and have been so alone. I can't seem to get the music of the film 'Moon' out of my head.

It ends one day. I know that. But will I be alive, when it does? Il fait rien. Ok. So. Summary time: How to read this blog.

1. Think for yourself and question authority. (TFYAQA)
2. Try to jump out of the post early - if you want to comment on it
3. Don't let the subject matter intimidate you.
4. Don't worry about how many posts are there. I write fast
5. Try to remember I'm actually writing to one person
6. It's always tits o' clock.
7. I don't have a thing for Bettie Page. Honest
8. I really am writing to you.

Go now. Don't look back . We've drawn the line.