Thursday, October 16, 2014

#home @gain

#soyathought
#yamightliketo
#gototheshow
#tofeel
#thewarmthrill
#ofconfusion
#thatspacecadetglow





#ivegotsomebadnews
#suchaspinkisntwell
#hestayedbackatthehotel
#sotheysendusalone
#asasurrogateband
#justhavetofindout
#ifwefightorwestand



#andifiopenedmyheart2u
#showedumyweakside
#whatwouldyoudo?


#wouldyousendmepacking
#orwouldyoutakemehome
#thoughtioughttabaremynakedfeelings
#thoughtioughttatearthecurtaindown




#iheldthebladeintremblinghand
#preparedtomakeithurt


#justthenthephonerang
#ineverhadthenerve
#tomakethefinalcut



Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Free Form Vent



1. I have no patience for a political party that supports a broken system that prioritizes corporations and billionaires over regular voters. Their basis for doing so is the tacit acceptance that a regimen of lawsuits - feeding legions of lawyers ... is acceptable to be employed by intermediaries in our government as a way of forcing change in legislation. This , in turn, is based again, on the incorrect and false premise that the intermediaries - are in fact necessary to amass large amounts of money during electoral cycles and are necessary.

2. I am disabused of the illusion that Washington is now a place where men go to represent their respective people. I see all too clearly that Washington DC has now (thanks to the money provided by lobbyism) become a sort of twisted university system in which party affiliation means little (most lobbyists hedge their bets as to which party will be in power and so constantly reach across the aisle to recruit the opposite party faction) ... and for which any time in congress is not seen as time spent to complete their mission but rather a sort of training grounds for which congressmen can stay permanently in a lobbyism network centered around Washington, by which they can amass large sums of money through its corrupting financial power.

3. I'm tired of all the accountants rising to the top. Whenever systems are corrupt or start to break down, the bean counters are always given power - mostly because the situation calls for people who can't see the big picture and those who wish to manipulate everything tend to try to push men into power beneath them that they can in turn control by financial ledgerdemain.

4. Same as (3) I'm tired of seeing great talent in America wasted on creating financial vehicles by which people can effectively steal money. Case in point - derivatives. There are armies of people who spend their lives designing complicated financial and numerical instruments whose sole purpose in life is to wrap up worthless assets and re-introduce them as something of value. These people are highly paid, and attain status in society while they perform a subtle form of toxic effect that they themselves see but choose to ignore.

5. On social media, I have lost all patience for people who cannot or will not express themselves because their company, or their school system, or their family or whatever other controlling interest they think exists in their lives - may disagree with their honest idea. I have not been here long (I actually prefer other platforms) but from what I've seen it's clear that there are people here who regularly cull the comments base from their postings so that they present a sanitized version of debate - and they are wary of doing anything other than either re-posting or not posting at all - their own comments or topics for fear of control having some disagreement.

6. On social media, I am not interested in people who are trying to work out their feelings for their father, mother, or family - by use of political statements that either attack heads of state, parties, or authority. You have feelings about your father. Figure them out. It's ok to hate your parents, too. Just honor them if you can and try not to let your personal feelings take expression through political memes. By that same token, realize that your need to have a constant political crisis is likely your own mind attempting to block some idea or thought that you wish to have permanently subducted beneath a layer of false controversy. The A in America stands for Apolitical. We are , myself included, largely apolitical and more interested in the pragmatic aspect of government and the preservation and defense (in 2014 the re-establishment) of representational governance than we are in some personal aspect or generalized personal attack on one or more people, or parties - that may or may not represent something you agree with. I'm southern - I know for a fact the mudslingers are the ones you're going to find in a pig pen . Don't bring them here.

7. I disabuse the concept that 'friendship' can be delivered, as a concept , in the whole cloth - as a means of companies farming your data. My children are distressed by flame wars, finding themselves to be "ghosts" aka people with no followers or friends and other means by which companies who exploit so called "social" media are attempting to increase their enrollment and farm yet more data out of you. If you like someone or something , like it. But it is patently unfair to have a platform in which people can only like things and not dislike them because being human is about applying choices, having thoughts and ideas that are your own and sifting through real and false ideas, friendships, and ideologies to find the one that best suits you and being only able to communicate the "likes" and having "friends" that are seen as part of, effectively - a game - is destructive to children and to empathy. Especially young men, who struggle harder with empathy than females. This is a dangerous social condition for a country such as ours and needs to be changed .

8. Finally, modern prohibition should be repealed. Marijuana is not a class one substance. It does not belong in a category that includes heroine, cocaine and methamphetamine. Our current and modern tobacco industry builds hundreds of thousands of jobs and billions of dollars of revenue into our economy each year and I am of the firm idea that we should allow the conversion of this economy from carcinogen to psychogen, and not only shut down a major sector of an underground market run almost entirely by cartel and dark lord - but also create a viable competitor to the alchohol market from which only .01% BAC concentration can increase the risk of traffic accident by over 48%. The lessons of history are clear - the so called 'temperance' applied to alcohol in the 20's resulted in two things - one, people drinking primarily to get drunk instead of as a mild social device, and two, the mafia. Today, a competitor to alcohol would allow safer roads, and perhaps a more contemplative society, at the minimun - and the concept of marijuana as a gateway drug laid in the same resting place as bathtub gin. Our country spends massive amounts of time, money and energy prosecuting the production of a product whose environmental by products are oxygen and very, very happy butterflies. Better spent towards R+D, our schools, and healthcare reform as both a strategic and social end. When marijuana is legalized its use will become more normative and we, as a people, will change materially in both our culture and our outlook. The question "are you stoned" will become less rhetorical and in my view, the world needs more people driving fuzzy bikes around town wearing tickle me elmo backpacks.


9. Finally, I really hate long posts on the blogosphere. Who the heck does these kind of things? Isn't this the soundbyte place where we go to look at cute pictures of kids?? What kind of a conversation starter is this? Who can comment on something like this - it's like eating an elephant!! I say, onward townspeople, with pitchfork, torch and deadly weapon - towards the door of he who would do such a thing!


Thursday, October 09, 2014

Feel Good, Inc. - Gorillaz

Subdivisions - Alex Lifeson

Sprawling on the fringes of the city
In geometric order
An insulated border
In between the bright lights
And the far unlit unknown



Growing up it all seems so one-sided
Opinions all provided
The future pre-decided
Detached and subdivided
In the mass production zone
Nowhere is the dreamer or the misfit so alone

Drawn like moths we drift into the city
The timeless old attraction
Cruising for the action
Lit up like a firefly
Just to feel the living night



Some will sell their dreams for small desires
Or lose the race to rats
Get caught in ticking traps
And start to dream of somewhere
To relax their restless flight
Somewhere out of a memory of lighted streets on quiet nights...

- Alex Lifeson

And Know They Love You

Many positive states of mind, such as ecstasy, are ethically neutral. Which is to say that it really matters what you think the feeling of ecstasy means. If you think it means that the Creator of the Universe is rewarding you for having purged your village of Christians, you are ISIS material. Other bearded young men go to Burning Man, find themselves surrounded by naked women in Day-Glo body paint, and experience a similar state of mind. - Sam Harris

I happened across this author today and found that he's written a book called Waking Up - a guide to spirituality without religion. I think a central problem I've been trying to work on , in whatever spare time I have had in the last year or so - and having had a near death experience in January - is the fact that faith, and God - can touch lives other than my own and that there really is a benefit to the world to have some kind of institution or rule and guide for best practices that helps us all to become closer to God. I should define terms here. God is normally a cultural thing - so I'm not talking about Christian God, or Hindu God, or Muslim God or Mormon God - I'm talking about. Just. God. The God that atheists worship , like a positron defined as a hole in a sea of electrons. The God that a mosquito worships, fat with the blood of a person ... sitting quietly and praying he is not discovered by a bird. The God of all of us.

I really think we should all closely understand exactly what is going on with this definition, and that mosquito prayer. Some might say it's laughable a mosquito would pray. I can see how you might believe that. But what leads me to this conclusion is a simple observation... prayer is ubiquitous and it happens across all stated belief and organisms and it has a direct effect on the organism. Hospitals that help people to pray, will see less people dying. Sailors stranded at sea who never went to church in their life and would call themselves atheist until their very last breath .. will look up from their raft, floating in the vast ocean - and have clear and distinct conversation of prayer.

To those who say these conversations and calls to a higher power are hallucinatory - I would argue the illusion is not that these people, animals, insects - but simply the concept that we all live our lives without fighting for our very existence at a fundamental level. If I am stranded at sea, I fight for my life in a very real fashion. I must develop a still that transforms undrinkable sea water into fresh water. I must catch fish and eat them , raw or otherwise - or I will starve. I have at most seven days without food but I will have very few days without water. A good film to watch is "All is Lost" by Robert Redford. It shows this fight in clear detail and it really is part of who we are. Not every has a life in which disaster strikes and you can reveal this part of yourself... and certainly some will live their entire lives up to the point at which that part of yourself must be revealed. My realization came early in life that the sheer statistical weight of what can go wrong in life will bring us all to that point, and I decided it's better to be ready .. prepared. To accept that I am a part of some consciousness or some living fabric of being that does not necessarily play by the rules that my own powers of logic and human reason can fathom. But that is a self realization, and there will be others who draw strength from an apposite sense of non-preparedness. That is a lesson I learned from Golf. Grip the club tighter, swing harder, throw your arm at the ball and you won't necessarily get a better path of flight. Sometimes you have to realize that not caring or not being a part of a game is the best way to be prepared... to grab the club as if you would a wounded bird... just enough pressure to keep the club from flying away. The muscles being able to swing harder and faster. And so I admire atheists, and I respect their opinions - and certainly , as Dawkins has stated there is a God delusion and there is a price to be paid for it. But it is not an hallucination. Dawkins correctly asserted that we acknowledge God as an end result of active thinking and that God is a conclusion and not simply a perception. While he then will argue at length, that the conclusion reached is not based on any evidence.. there doesn't have to be any evidence. Francious Ouimet can defeat Harry Vardon. A butterfly can flap its wings in the Amazon and change the weather of the world.

This leads me to something that I can share, I hope - with those who are of faith and those who are not. Much is written about God, and prayer - and about how we build our lives around faith .. and much is written about Godlessness, and delusion, and how much easier it is to build our lives without faith but instead reason. But the truth that shines through all of this is not one of individual life but life of an entire, living organism. Our planet.

And that is where my insight into God came from. I slowly began to realize that the mosquito, in its little , lazy prayer - full of blood - just moments before my hand smashes his body into seventeen pieces and my own blood marks red on my hand - is tracing through the complexity of his own organism - a quantum complexity that can in the smallest wavelengths allow him to experience a form of hyper sensitivity to his own surroundings. He feels the rush of my hand coming down on his wings. But he does not escape. And his death is not meaningless. Maybe this is a Buddhist way of seeing things. Maybe not. But the moments that all living beings experience weave into the moment of all other beings and in that we create a soul. Walk your dog. For one brief, shining moment - you can be the person he thinks you really are. Take that moment. And you will find he gives that moment. If tomorrow you are hit by a truck, the memory of that walk will live on - clouded and hazed by thoughts of bacon and chasing cats - through the mind of that dog - and also in his muscles, and on the scratch his claw left on the pavement and everything you and he did in that day . And that will in some way change the way things are. That is who you were.

I cannot fathom my own mother or father dying. I love them both, differently. I've always seen one as cold, the other warm - and tried to reconcile them in their own sphere. But I realize they have left an imprint on me and long after their departure a part will live on ... I believe - in my own world, by faith - that living a good life is the best way I can remember them. But I know that if I were in another configuration I could just as easily live my life any other way - spiritus mundi. And so for me, that is where religion can always unravel. It is a simple path to walk to see that all organizations based on mysticism will at one point or another request you volunteer your faculty of reason. The challenge, I believe, for us all - is to push the limits of our knowledge until what we see and feel and understand feels like mysticism. I think that's where God wants us all to be. I could be wrong.

But there is nothing wrong with an institution that seeks to broaden faith and to explore its limits. All we need to know about religion, I feel - is that it is a volunteer organization whose mission is to rescue the sinners and equip saints and try its best and like all organizations , corporations, and political parties - it works only as well as you operate it. (any political party who invokes a higher power in its political platforms should be suspect.. political parties should exist only to execute the will of the people.. but that's another story)

The Priest Gregor Mendel - was likely a strange man who spent time looking at that which grows in his garden in a kind of wonderment. It's easy to hate mosquitoes. It's easy to ignore peas and to simply scoop them all up in a spoon and cook them into some kind of dish and then drink a glass of wine and be done with it. Staring at the ones that are wrinkled... wondering which plant produced them... this was the way Priest Mendel found his expression of faith. He called them his children. I can call the mosquitoes that sometimes find their way into my workshop vampires. I take time away from writing, studying or developing software - to kill them. But I wonder about each one, just as Mendel did. A part of their way is that they are difficult they are to see and I challenge myself to see them .. fighting a change in my vision that brings my eyesight now back to 20/10. Like Mendel, I understand the discipline of forcing myself to do something that really should just be a distraction. And I am aware that most people do not read this far, and being unable to hold thought in their mind - they simply scan for words they recognize - try to figure out which side of the argument I am on - and then just swat the rest of what I am trying to say with a quick gesture of their hand.

When Mendel discovered the science of Genetics he did it merely for love and for a sense of his 'children' as he called them. As any father would love a child. Seeing how they twist and turn and fight each day to live likely grounded him in ways we could all learn from... maybe not all of us can see little pea plants as our children, but to those who can. Mazletov!

I should conclude with something that make sense - that life is easily seen to be a web - and that we should not forget its life or death struggle. It holds secret lessons for us in our comfortable lives.

Set the controls for the heart of the sun. The last thought through the mind of a dying organism might be something like watching the sun explode. The fact that it doesn't may be the result of a living organism at work.

Not by some kind of mystical or pseudo political exercise in the boundary of faith, religion and politics ... but by the very existence of twisted, chaotic - seemingly unsolvable lines of electromagnetic force that convolute and twist themselves into incredible display of force and power and could be balanced by the least, nonlinear effect.

And yes, our planet probably exists in its orbit because there really are that many planets out there that could find an orbit just far enough away so that these strange lines of force, pulling on a cloud of ice , dust, and embedded living material - could spiral cometary fragments into its surface at just the right period of evolutionary delay to let us all carry the genetic hiss of memory of Lucifer's hammer.. and just short enough to remind us that we cannot stay here, where we are - and survive. We must continue to evolve. We must find a way.

Because it will come again. Pulled toward us by the sun. Where , likely, God does 97% of his work. Don't bother praying for a good parking space or a new piece of legislation. Instead, teach your children to survive - take the time to love your dog - do the things you have to do when you need to do them and someday you will do the things you want to do , when you want to do them.

Thursday, October 02, 2014

The Return

I noticed today that the blogsphere had grown cold. The friends I blogged with are gone, and in general - much of the writing done today seems to be one or two line - easily mine-able snippets of text traded back and forth on social media. In fact, I see much more of this writing than I ever did on the blogsphere... Someone might have taken two, three days to write a one page blog post - but the social media types are constantly going back and forth with three lines here, one line there ... etc.

I am not sure if the blogsphere ever did leave. I think the circle of friends I used to blog with have changed, and no longer blog as avidly as they did before. I suppose part of the drive I felt to blog - had to do with feelings about my country during a time of war of convenience. I struggled, as an American - with the idea that my country was simply taking an opportunity to get involved in a conflict and send our soldiers into harms way for the weak justification of false intelligence and innuendo.

Then again, I suppose part of that rationale was "if you don't fight them over there, you'll eventually be fighting them over here" . In any case, we have long since moved on from all of that - the economy recovered and in general, our country stabilized.

I've also developed, as I've grown - a sort of distaste for the overtly political themes that danced during the election year... In particular I really dislike the scare ads that powerful lobbyist groups run. I think they distort candidacies to the point of misrepresentation and they undo the power of the free press to help people make informed decisions. Alot of people who run for public office have good intentions .. In fact, the vast majority of them are there to do a decent job.

But slowly, over time... our country has transformed itself - first through the Gerrymander - so that so many districts are not even given viable alternate candidates, and next through lobbyism - which distorts candidates and their records to the point of almost breaking... but also fuels a secondary industry around getting elected (one in which, you'll hire a member of the opposing party simply because you need to hedge your bet if one party falls out of power) ... that our country now basically runs a University System of Sorts... up in DC. One that , if you get elected.. you generally are using your public office as a kind of learning position to figure out how to deal with lobbyists and get paid their fees after you leave. In the past, nearly everyone who went to Congress ... left to return home.

Now they stay, nearly 70 percent of them... and they are all on the take.

I guess I'm glad, in a way - that I found a way to break free of all the "little" writing that has so dominated my world ... and to get back to exploring topics like these. But is the bigger question, what happens now? We have a country that I truly love.. how do I go about helping to make better decisions?

And where have all the flowers gone?

Friday, September 26, 2014

Joseph Smith

Building towns out of nowhere
and churches that live
with testimony

You can't get what you want
but you made the word of God breathe
in the desert like a living rose
and you were the medicine
that became the medicine man

Who met the lord.
Looking out upon the face of a golden dream.

Do you remember the stick game, Joseph?

You were strong
and bright.

You were a mystic
the melancholy passage of time
could not dim

Though in the end.
It tried.

When you were young
you used magic stones
to find treasure
for farmers on their land

I am not sure
but I think you knew
that each year there is a silent day
the anniversary
of your own death

I think you could feel it
I think you could feel alot of things

You knew that one day
The men will come
with faces painted black

Kids with guns
come to end your life.

An inside job.

A requiem
for a dream

The Book of Abraham
And a prayer of Breathing
In the afterlife

Do you see
the Rosetta stone
standing in the distance
Do you charge
a quarter apiece?


There behind bars
You drew your final breath
looking into the face
of someone who cared

You tried to shut down a newspaper
that dared
to print the truth.


And in your last moment
Time folded you into dark overload
your heart singing like the light of a second sun
you flew back into broken vaccuum
And there you found
a prayer
for the dying


There will always be a place
for the seer
and the stone