I Can't Listen to Vampire Weekend Without Smiling

Ok, fine. I get it.
There is a such a thing as catholic guilt.

Sure, I understand.
You can write a song about someone that you can't even say the name of.


I feel you in my bones.
I feel you in my bones.


I need you to know.
We are not perfect, you and I

I want to be better
I try to find
the weak spots
and hack them away

I want everyone around me to be better
I try to find
their weak spots
and play with them all day

It makes me a passive aggressive asshole
A creep
A person you do not want to know

Maybe

But it might make me someone who can love
Someone whose head is in the stars
and heart is in the world

The truth is you don't need me to protect you
You don't need me for nearly anything

But I am here
If at least in an image

Because I feel you in my bones
And I'm strong enough
and ready for

A change in my life
that includes you

And your heart
And that means smiling at the things that drive us apart

It means not being a passive aggressive slipknot
around my own neck
It means letting down my guard
It means trying hard

Hard enough to accept people as they are
and make the subtle change
by the sharp knife
and the thin bright needle

And let the green faerie fly

Away.

It means going back to school
Even if I passed my exam

I was afraid the whole time
that I was a fool

Perhaps.

I still am.

It means California
the Bear Republic
And Atlanta
and Boston

It means Puerto Rico
and the New York Times
and miniature ice cream sandwiches


It means there is no future
There's no answer

And you and me
We have our own sense
of who we are

And what brings us laughter.

And what brings us laughter.


It means so much to me.
But one thing is clear.
And always will be.

Love is forever.
And forever.

And the world is a cold, cold place to be...

All of the sinners.
All of the saints.

But.

I love you, Teresa.
I love you, Mary.

I love you, Chloe.

And an abundance of Katherines.

I know I love you.

Enough to speak
what's in my heart.

I cannot listen to Vampire Weekend
without smiling
and a little part of that cold world between
falling apart