The one thing I teach my cat

I have a hard and fast rule about Cats. No litterboxes. This can lead to some interesting moments if you have kittens. The image below bears an uncanny likeness to one of my cats.. I think I even saw him one night getting something from the fridge...

Cats are pretty un-trainable. So what I do is , first feed the cats outside. And then keep them outside for a while. In this way, a cat will find a place to "go" - they like to find places where they scratch the ground. This seems to give them a target location and they tend to remember where that is, and go back there although you never really want to know exactly where and they don't want you to , either. They might keep newspapers or magazines out there - who knows..

However, they will remember the location and go there again. Over time it will be unthinkable of them to foul your home. Kittens, on the other hand, don't really have that kind of routine to their lifestyle - they will make mistakes. Punish them if you can catch them doing it - they don't really know whats going on otherwise. And then if for some reason they make a mistake, just use orange rind or lemon peel or some other highly aromatic citrus fruit - leave it there and they will avoid the area the next time.

My cats will meow at the door to be let out. I didn't really teach them that. Curiously they often bypass the meow and simply just sit at the door staring at it as if it will spontaneously open by itself .. I call it the "Door Prayer". And of course, since we live in a universe where higher order beings exist, the door magically opens.. wonder if these higher order beings read blogs? I could use a Mercedes..

Its possible that the kitten will believe that he or she can scratch the door open. This happened once with one of my kittens. So they will scratch the door, and its hard to hear. Get someone on the other side, and meow and then have them open the door. Eventually, if you're kind of patient and not too worried about the neighbors wondering why you're outside meowing at the door .. they'll learn that they can open the door by signaling to someone on the other side.

I once called the cats to the door and one kitten came running and I stepped on him. It was an accident, I didn't mean to step on him - he ran up under my legs as I was opening the door. And so every time I called, he ran away. Finally I put a bit of cream cheese on my finger - and called him and slowly he came toward me until finally he made it to my finger and sort of nursed the little bit of nourishment off the tip. And then I was working at my computer later that day and for the first time in two weeks the cat jumped up on my keyboard. (and wrote this.. )

Cats can be taught other tricks but the trick I like best are the high protein rodent based diet supplements that they bring as gifts to me , at the front door. "Good kitty... look at this! You bit its head off just for me."

I had a cat once that caught and ate a bird. Whole. I saw him crunching the beak and its head vanishing. I named the cat "Terminator".

Do you have any pets? Any stories to tell? If you have a border collie, feel free to post anonymously..