Romantic Dominant
The basic idea behind control is that a Romantic Dominant is a strong master that can also engage his or her playmate in scenese in which the basic submissive drive may play out as a form of growth, change and exploration of self. Althought a top may not , at one level , care about what their submissive thinks or feels- a Romantic Dominant is wiling to add the layer of sensation stored in the context of perhaps hidden feeling. Clearly, such a master should be in total control of physical and overt feeling - being unable to control scene at that level would provide for the addition of such explorative play to spiral the experience out of control. Correctly dealth with, however, those feelings act as an amplifier of the experience and scene.
A subbie learning their place should yield from a properly applied bond, a very broad and peaceful sense that allows even a certain form of freedom from the master. A freedom that the submissive should be ready to actively question, as easily as there is no question who would be topping or whether that sensation is allowed.
BDSM often and generally provides a very deep bond between two people. Allegorically speaking, that experience cannot equatemating and life-pair-bonding within which socially romance plays an important role. At least insofar as in cultures where marriage is not arranged, romantic feeling is often the precursor and chemical signal of the subconscious that a particular mate judgement is nearing target compatibility. When, of course, we are not manufacturing adrenaline. ;-)
In play, this romantic connection can be seen in seeming trust - in a sense that the dominant understands more than the physiology of his or her submissive. And in traversing the boundary between simple physical domination and that form of control that brings a sense of universal being and desirability - the dominant extends his or her capabilities to extend his or her submissive's range beyond the norm. It is a mark of quality of a dominant. Far too often a dominant simply dictates a scene. It is far more exciting to plant seeds of an action, and watch a submissive willingly create and evolve a scene under what they believe to be their own precognition or recognizance. This yields, to the top, a very valuable tool in the careful and timed unveiling of the specific mechanics of such a scene to the respective bottom.
It is this precise mechanic that is required for such a definition to be applied, and such a relationship must of necessity be more than one sided in nature.
As a result, the skill required should be one of gentle pressure, a sense that the top will never randomly betray or depart, and perhaps - a certain sense of encouragement on behalf of the submissive to find their own chains and link them.
And in so doing, perhaps more than simply a bond between playmates is to be applied. Submission is a powerful act - and it is no secret that many tops cannot truly understand it. It is a driver of all BDSM relationships and one in which ultimately the submissive holds perhaps the greatest responsibility, for it is far too easy to simply run. To hide.
Because this is the greatest risk of such a relationship, the romantic dominant must of necessity predict at the beginning this particular type of weakness and simply hold in reserve certain tools and techniques to guide the submissive when they inevitably play that card in the relationship. A romantic dominant must ab initio do more homework at the onset of play, than a standard dominant - and he or she must be aware that they will be dealing with a greater range of potential misbehaviour that must be dealt with appropriately.
Power exchange in such play can have both destructive and constructive interference patterns - leading to either the complete annhilation of certain drives , or re-creating them stronger than ever before. As always, risk aware consensual kink should strengthen and develop certain elements of the ritualistic, and preserve the traditions of this type of activity and as such, encounters of this nature are often - but not always - sexual in nature.
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