How to Get Fired

The company is big
they won't miss it if you take it
go on
pilfer office supplies

Is anyone walking back to your office?
No. They don't care if you're at your desk
you have plenty of time to get things done
so take your time
Surf the net

And make sure
when they need you
to turn your cellphone off

You should know if you're going to get fired
you can read the writing on the wall

So take as much vacation time as you can
make sure to cash it all out
and speak up about how you're going to be happy
working somewhere else
other than this god-forsaken company

You deserve so much better
don't worry if they aren't happy with your performance
just work on your resume instead
and sleep at your desk
and hit facebook
and play warcraft on company time

then march right up to the boss
and ask for what you deserve