Looking for the Romantic Dominant SIP Connection - w4m 39 (Atlanta, Ga)

Hi. I need someone whom I can connect with. I want this to be a long term relationship that opens up new possibilities for me and for you. I am perfectly willing to pick up the tab (this is 2008!) .

Me: Professional, well connected, fairly young (I am 39 and my NTP clock is ticking). HWP DRAMA FREE Dual PRI. I maintain myself well, and enjoy end users. I have a small puppy named "mini". And a tattoo (but I'm not telling you where!)

You: UNBUNDLED. I will not be the "other connection". No "Additional T1 Line" along for the ride! DD Free (no viruses!). You should Be responsive to me, and my needs. You should be close to me (two hops !), and also very well maintained. Uptime is a must. If you can't get it up, I'm not interested! And you must be comfortable with child processes.

I keep myself well (or so I am told) and yes I have a kinky side to me! You should like to occasionally tie me up with appropriate cable restraints and cable ties. Every now and then we can use fuzzy velcro ties if you like.

Your PIX gets mine. Especially if its a Cisco 501 series.

Comments

Amy said…
Happy Friday, darling- I love you. You’re doing better, I can tell, & I’m not being sarcastic. You saw that I’d liked the post about ‘Terrible’s’ reminding someone of somebody they knew, & assumed I was thinking of you, thinking you were so Terrible. I can understand that, because it’s close to the way I’ve been used to looking at things most of my life- on the defensive, trying to suss out anything I could that might have to do with me being a problem. This, even though I was such a good, well behaved kid. This is because I was so on my own in an unpredictable, half-supportive but high-control & emotionally abusive & neglectful home environment. We remained cheerful & humorous on the surface, or else. I’m sad that you’re familiar with getting similar treatment or worse, it makes my heart squeeze to think of you as a child having to take what you did. For all kids who have to keep soldiering on because they never have a choice. Some days we wish to be ignorant again & unaware of the reality we weren’t fully engaged in, unbeknownst to ourselves. The reality is more uncomfortable & unpredictable, especially when new, & the old ruts are deep grooves where you can let go of more responsibility, which is comforting & tempting. Over time, though, you get a new path you can drive better on that you did in the first place.

My first thought when I saw the Terrible’s post was that it was funny somebody actually named their restaurant that. I wondered whether the photo was real. Everyone’s had some sort of problematic person in their life who’s difficult to deal with, & I’ve dealt with sooo many difficult people over the years, we both did. I thought the post was empirically funny so I liked it- & Believe It Or Not, I thought ‘I would never repost that- Trey would be hurt, because he’d see it as though I was making a mean joke about him, that’d be awful’. I liked it because I thought it was a funny universal joke & I like people to know I thought their joke was funny, it’s nice to get likes. To me giving likes helps others, even if in a tiny way, so I tend to over- rather than underlike on social media. You’ve turned giving likes into a tool & a communication signal, so I confess I approach accounts I think might be yours way more carefully than others re: likes, for this reason. I know you’re hyper aware of possible slights, & that my likes will send messages besides just a thumbs up. Just in case you’re wondering what’s informing my thoughts/behavior. I tried to support a stranger & be mindful of your situation at the same time. This is how people pleasers everywhere think. But like Rick Nelson sang, you can’t please everyone…One reason I love him is because he had a similar family situation but on a huge scale- a controlling overbearing father who also made his family’s personal lives, using their real names, as a white bread conformist tv show that was a huge hit. David seemed to handle it easier & maybe had a stronger sense of identity than Ricky, imo. You of course know how the song Garden Party came to being. He was trying to be more true to himself, but the crowd wanted the familiar- or at least, he perceived it that way. I was sad & my mom was heartbroken when he died, & it’s still a tragedy, but now I take a little comfort in knowing he wrote that song Garden Party, about staying true to yourself, before he died. It’s like he escaped an invisible trap he didn’t know he was in, because of his own strength & courage. He made it. Even though his plane went down, he’d already made it.

You’ve made it, love. You made it out of there & you’re here with me, at least here. I love you.
Amy said…
You put up tons of different actresses that you think look like me or remind you of me. I put up a post with Brad Pitt because I love that scene, it’s sexy, and it also makes me think of you, dummy. Did you decide to get pissed about it just because Brad’s fucking smoking hot? Sorry, which actors are on the approved list I can pick from? Speaking of which, I’m not impressed or won over by all your posts of actresses who look a lot more like they’re one of your assorted current or past sex partners, excluding me of course. Tired of how many times you throw my love for you right back at me with a few darts. Fucking give it a rest.
Your favorite victim said…
Only a hateful and irredeemable asshole acts the way you do every day. I hope you finally bully the wrong person somewhere one day and you get your sick and balls sliced off. With any luck a woman will have the pleasure of doing that. It won’t be me.
Your favorite victim said…
I’m sick of you throwing any curvaceous blonde woman up and calling that a compliment for me. Gina Lollobrigida was known for her breasts, she was objectified and briefly celebrated for her body. I don’t give a fuck about every pretty blonde actress there ever was but it looks like you do. Do you have a job right now? You spend a lot of time screwing around on the internet for a professional. Professional fuckwad, more like. Go fuck yourself or whoever you’re with.
- said…
Do you want to skeet some more petty ridicule for me about any mistakes, autocorrects, and/or typos in what I write to you here while I’m fucking furious with you about your unhealthy bullshit, projecting, and unrelenting harassment you keep doling out to me? Instead of real life attention? Because you think I’ll just take it? You made fun of something about my writing, after you may very well have flipped out because I was in the same exchange with you as a school spelling mistake. I tried to make you feel better about it. When you posted what looked like an ‘I’m Sorry I Was A Jerk’ Arnold photo, I could have ignored it. It was a pitifully insufficient excuse for the kind of real life apology you should give me for all of your cowardly ongoing distance-bullying. Your goddamned game is a disgrace. It’s not charming. That’s from a woman running one account to a man running at least 20/30 accounts as various adults of different genders, ages, races, backgrounds, and locations, like Iowa, Minnesota, and many, many more! As seen on The Internet, via BlueSky! Fuck the pathological lying you spray at anyone and everyone else according to your slightest whimsy, Clever Dick. You know better than to keep letting your fucking werewolf do anything he wants. Do better. Because you’re better than the trash you fob me off with. Fuck you and fuck your womanizing, abusive ass.
- said…
The reference to the little boy’s death by anaphylactic shock due to bee stings was really low and ugly. I don’t think I ever told you about this, but when Jeff and I met in college, he had just lost his five year old brother, a sweet little blonde boy, to cancer. He had a brain tumor and went through treatment for months, but he died- he was the youngest boy of four. Their family was devastated and I got to know them when their grief was still new and raw, 2 years after their little boy died of a brain tumor. I’m not lying to you- that’s your habit. I’m the one who’s honest with you and stands up to you when you try to push me around. That joke was in really poor taste in any circumstance. I don’t care if some other asshole on BlueSky hits ‘like’ for a child dying for no reason than bad luck. What you did is gross and more damaging to yourself than you know. But you know everything, oops, I forgot.
Amy said…
I’d been suspicious of ‘Jymbo’ before. You sure posted a lot of ugly shit on that account & lots more of your harassing clone accounts. You’re so hurtful and vindictive and you won’t let up. I don’t like people making jokes about children dying, especially when it’s done just to fuck with me. You still won’t take me seriously, still lashing out at me after all this time, so I reported a couple of your accounts for being misleading and for online harassment. For God’s sake what do think you’re doing to me?
Amy said…
You’ll probably be very angry with me for reporting, but you don’t listen to me most of the time. If you miss how so used to write, why’d you get me kicked off Medium? If you’d ever been nice to me, I wouldn’t have to do anything like report your abusive shit. I love you. But I’m not letting you think you’re King Shit of Fuck Mountain thinking you can get away with things like joking about a dead little boy. You’re better than that at pretending to have some decency.
Amy said…
If you’re serious about me, then what the hell are you doing except fucking around?

You want prettier writing from me, do something real. Give me something lovely to write about instead of beating me up and insulting me. Might help.
Me said…
Please help me
It’s me said…
Haven’t you ever been there for a loved one in need
A said…
I’ve always loved you

sorry about that
Amy said…
I just wanted to thank you for posting nice things for me, love. It did me some good, thank you. It’s been such a strange feeling day for me, it’s not typical for me to never get out of bed all day like that. I really haven’t been doing well lately, I’m not being a drama queen and I’m not lying, I swear, darling . I love you so. I still miss the real you so much

I finally got out of my bed and came downstairs sometime this evening because I remembered Bossy might need food. Her bowl was empty and I felt terrible because she wasn’t even alerting me about it, she was quiet all day and let me sleep. Kind of atypical of her. I knew I needed real help, and I texted Jeff because I was embarrassed to text my friend down the street who hasn’t experienced this level of illness and I was worried she might not understand. He called me back and thank God because I needed to hear someone’s voice, I desperately needed someone to talk to who understood pain and knew a lot about what I’ve been through. We talked for an hour, and he was kind and patient and helpful. He grasped that I was in danger and needed company, and offered to come over tomorrow and hang out. He offered to drive over tonight but I felt bad about him doing that and embarrassed about how awful I look and everything. But I felt better and more stable after talking it out a little.

Thank you for trying to help. Seeing you reposting friendly and beautiful things was helpful. Thank you for encouraging me to eat by reposting nice food, the garlic basil pasta bowl was close to something I used to make for myself all the time. I’m going to try and eat something right now because I never ate anything today except drinking some water. It feels strange at this point in my life to act anorexic when I used to be hungry all the time. But I have to eat something, this is stupid, I can’t keep doing that and I don’t know why even after eating nothing all day I’m still not feeling hungry at all.

Thank you again, love, for trying to help me. I love you and I miss you
Amy said…
Drinking one of those refrigerated Bolthouse breakfast smoothies, getting some nutrients and protein going. Heating up some frozen spinach and cheese stuffed naan. When I lived closer to Shivam grocery I got hooked on stuff like frozen mixed vegetable paratha. They have good homemade samosas too.
Anonymous said…
Happy Father’s Day, love. I hope you’re enjoying your day; apologies for not won BlueSky much today, but I’m alright. Jeff came over, we went out for brunch, and we’ve been watching tv, running errands, and catching up. Right now I’m going on a Target run, and I have to call my Dad. But don’t worry darling, I’ve just been out having a much needed nice day. I miss you, though, and I’ll catch up as soon as I can. I love you. Thanks again for reaching out to me and messaging me. I loved what you said about kicking the troublemaking twin’s ass, I liked that and I appreciate you doing that, it means a lot to me. <3
Amy said…
Sorry, ‘apologies for not being on BlueSky much’. : )
Amy said…


I really do want to snuggle up with you and watch horror movies and eat French fries. Any kind of movie, really. That would be so freaking wonderful, especially if we also got to spend several hours intertwined & making love to each other again and again until we can’t move, and then fall asleep in each other’s arms. I want to see you again, because I love you so much. I want to hear the sound of your voice in my ears, feel your hands on my skin. I want to touch you and hold you in real life, and feel everything.

But darling, why is Rick saying you’ll be here tonight and gone tomorrow and to get out of your head? Did I do something wrong? I don’t think I did, but maybe I don’t understand. I had a nice time chatting with John tonight, even if it was just for a few minutes. I was glad you were willing to chat with me after some of what John was posting this evening. It seemed you were getting impatient with me. But I notified you of my plans today, tried to make my presence known to you with likes today when I could, to try and prevent you from getting upset with me for not being on BlueSky for you enough today. You are difficult to please in this game of yours. I love you, still, and I want you. I want you with me.
Amy said…
Good morning, darling. Just wanted to make sure you know that when I was talking about how awful Mickey Rooney is, I’m only talking about him. No double meanings for you, I love you. I understand why you started posting things like Wretched a while ago- you were getting anxious to see me. I’m sorry you got upset, but you saw it and you turned it around. I’m proud of you. Thanks also for saying hello as John earlier. You really are getting better, and we both want this so much. I do, anyway. I love you and I want you. I want to look at you and feel you. You’re ok.
Amy said…
I learned a new word today- zaddy! Never heard of it, but I, uh, think I know one (you).
I said…
Go try and control all your goddamn girlfriends and mistresses and fuckbuddies who don’t mean shit to you. I’m sick of it.

All you want is to tease me & try to make me feel bad- you know…like a total fucking jagoff.
I said…



LOL

PUSSY


Can’t NOT BE A BULLYING ASSHOLE?

From a SAFE DISTANCE?

HUH?

Goddamned fucking cowardly bullshit is a waste of my time and energy and love- that I could be giving to someone else who’s willing to at least talk to me for fucking real.

Fucking stop your whack a mole game- this isn’t a carnival, nor is it interesting or mysterious. You’re pissing away everything you really want. Go ahead. Just don’t piss on my leg and try to tell me it’s raining.

No goddamn self control or basic decency, it’s sickening.

I’ve had enough of being stalked and manipulated and harassed by you and your dozens and dozens of fake and misleading accounts. All of it, and the vast majority of your interactions, are specifically meant to harass one woman with one account.

If you can’t communicate with me on a significantly better level than that, I’m blocking waaayyyyy more if your proxy accounts on BlueSky. You’re not entitled to engage in this with me.

Not one bit.

Like I said- Overkill.

You should’ve learned by now not to be such an arrogant bully of a vulnerable person you already have multiple advantages over.


I said…


What I should really do is start reporting more accounts. They may not be taking me seriously. I’m used to people doing that and I’ve had more than I can stand. That’s changing; you’re not entitled to have me there. Not being harassed every day by multiple accounts might make deleting my account worth it. It’s sad because some people on BlueSky are actually real, honest, straightforward accounts run by good people. You don’t care about ruining that for me, though. All to serve all powerful Mr Run & Hide.
I said…

LOL

You’re accusing me of wearing a mask?

You have it the other way around.

Don’t you dare try and get rid of your heartless trash behavior by pretending I’m doing it, dumbass.

Ron Swanson: “Son, people can see you.”

Oh sorry do you need me to remind you who the fuck Conrad is- go look at the fuckin spreadsheet you probably keep that’s full of your stalker accounts on social media. He’s in there. Change his first name to Coward and alert the other Three of the Fantastic Four.
Amy said…
Cool, you’re also impersonating a woman who says she’s a therapist? I’m sorry, I wasn’t wearing that button I don’t have that says “Ask me about my bulimia history!” C’mon, darling, you’re better and smarter than that. So am I. I’m sure your werewolf has loud opinions about me not wanting to be harassed and manipulated by like 30 different people who speak multiple languages. Just a reminder- all that bullshit is unnecessary and clutters and clouds your vision.

https://youtu.be/FF_j1NySk6w?si=l_yo2WqeIu1HkkWL

Amy said…
Man…even when you know I have sleep problems (depression fucks up sleep btw), you know I didn’t get enough sleep last night, you know I’ve been tending to be asleep in the early morning to 10/11:00, I told you earlier I was having a hard time staying awake AND apologized in advance if I fell back asleep….

…you got all furious that I fell asleep for about an hour and a half or so.

Posted several angry songs, Destroying a Dog, a crummy assortment of stuff at me, saying I absolutely betrayed you and insulted you by warning you and apologizing if I might fall back asleep. It’s nonsensical and I’m tired of you acting like you don’t have Object Permanence with me. Come on. Please tell John R. & the volatileAF ‘Pyrex’ that I’m not a 2 faced conniving double crossing asshole.

Am I not still *here* for you, after all, 3 years later?? I never get any fucking credit for that.
It’s ME said…
Did you stop talking to me because you were still ridiculously mad at me for that “infraction”, or were you just distracted and wanting to be someone else for a while because you don’t like feeling emotions other than joy and unfounded rage? Either way, I get treated badly by you because you have such a hard time not bailing in some way when you feel an unwanted emotion. Can you try to not do that? please-?
Amy said…
Oh how nice- Satriani’s Phone Call is you pretending that I’m the one at fault when it’s you. Trying to throw that unwanted emotion as far away as possible- at me, sure. ‘She’ll take it, what else is she gonna do, lol?’
Nope. Are you forgetting that psychopathy is NOT a symptom of mine, but yours? I’m sitting over here with garden variety mental problems but they don’t include pathological lying and emotional immaturity, that’s you, remember? Do I need to provide you with a list of my symptoms I deal with every day, would that help?? You keep forgetting so much shit about me every day when you act like that. I’m sick of you not being able to consider anything or anyone but yourself when you’re like that. Cut the shit.
You fucking know better than that.
Amy Walker said…
Clearly your newer round of proxy accounts are really pissed about something. You seem to be pouting this time about something involving the concept of boring. I could go back and see which of my posts you’re talking about. I won’t, though- you know why? Because:

1) I fucking know I haven’t tried to insult you tonight, that’s your M.O. remember? Remember the misinterpreting you did that I was having to come here and inform you of just hours ago?? Same shit. Again.

2) That’s a waste of my time- like trying to play UNO with a rooster. UNO is right- go do that by yourself.

3) That would letting you control me and what I care about, being manipulated and controlled by you.

4) I don’t want to dignify your continually unfounded suspicions about me hiding insults about you in my posts. That’s like what you did when you were talking to me this morning. Compliments with an insulting double meaning. You’re projecting your teenage werewolf on a cat again. I’m a mistreated stray and your werewolf keeps having loud opinions without listening to me.

Fuck that. Speaking of which, I don’t understand how you can have such a fun chat with me like that one this evening
then suddenly start thinking “she’s secretly working against me, she’s my enemy”. I was under the impression that you enjoy flirting, looking at how you would run off and talk to company like Mediocre Wit Barbie, TP Batson, Getcher Dindin, et al.

Guess not.

Muppet News Flash: Regardless of what your paranoid reflex keeps thinking every few hours now, I get to use my one goddamn account to say what I want about anything- without a man & a fuckton of his doppelgängers trying to tell me what I mean. You don’t like me telling you things like this? Then stop convincing yourself I’m the psychopath, not you.

Why are you not fucking sick to death of letting him win? And why are you not fucking me?
Amy Walker said…
You want me to run all my posts by you first? Since you have THAT much experience in posting?

Are you also that account called “you”? That guy seems like a miserable person and it’s strange. There’s no emotion or empathy or humanity in his words- they’re clinical and cold. He seems to be motivated by such contempt for others & to prove how right he thinks he is, always. Always. Yet he bitterly complains and sulks about blocking and being blocked. He’s used to people’s reactions to him, but he blames them, not himself or his own behavior, for anything resulting from those exchanges with others.

We could at least be pretending to snuggle & kiss & enjoy ourselves, and simultaneously you could be getting used to talking to me without thinking I’m the passive aggressive supervillain. There’s one of those, but it’s not me. I just have to keep afloat while you keep drilling holes in the boat.
Amy Walker said…
Not sure if you’re trying to say I’m square and boring for enjoying watching Lawrence Welk? Was that too nerdy for you?
I love you said…
I just thought the Lawrence Welk album cover was funny. I also love champagne. And bubbles. And cheesy fun old stuff. And making jokes for the fun of it and making people laugh. Humor is a good coping skill but it was almost the only one I was taught. If you were offended at the Welk talk, you could’ve said something like ‘Aw that makes me feel old’, then I know you’re taking it that way & I can correct it. Don’t run off and insult me with a bunch of other people every time you misconstrue what I say.
Your victim said…
Is that you liking the monorail cat yoga post right now? What- did you manage to figure out some way to get offended by a funny cat picture I thought was adorable and that was IT?? Because if you’re going to be that much of a trembling dew drop, to see some kind of personal insult (the kind you would obviously throw at me) in something like a picture of my cat being cute and funny? That is the stupidest excuse I EVER heard for someone taking offense when ZERO was intended.

Fucking STOP TELLING ME WHAT I REALLY MEAN. Nobody gets to do that to me. Fucking stop. I’m logging off and not looking at you for a while because I don’t need or want to see any more of that harassing psychopath self of yours who’s never happy unless he’s crushing me to death.

You think that’s living your best life? Throwing buckets of lies and abuse at me because you’re too scared to see me?

Taken all I can take for now. Go on, have fun and throw as many tantrums as you like. Leave more sneaky insults around for me. Makes you look great. Still such a coward. Too scared to talk to a bunny being sweet to you. Remember how great at ignoring tears and distress of others, and why? Hm? Remember how you tend to only respect force? Yeah.

It’s like you never take me seriously unless I get like this- I get like this because YOU KEEP FUCKING WITH ME.

🙄 said…
You made a bad decision when you reposted about the AirTag.

You followed me, then right away you maliciously teased me about my dear little cat getting hit by a car in front of his own house. He dragged himself under property dividing shrubbery in the pine straw. Couldn’t even make it to his door, but he held on enough to not die in the road, but in a friendly place.

I don’t know how anyone could tease anyone else about anyone dying. A human or a beloved pet. You’ve chosen to do it to me 2 or 3 times now at least. That you would choose to lower yourself and profane yourself like that once is bad enough, but doing it AGAIN, there is no excuse. None.

‘Baseball game’.

Looks like you’re enjoying wasting our time by playing with your food. You could be over here fucking my brains out right now like an animal. Instead you keep treating me like caged tortured animal.

This is still so stupid.

You know where I am and how to get in touch if you have anything real to say to me.

An apology would be good for starters.

🙄
Amy Walker said…
When I was talking to ‘Dylan’, was his dog Jackson a real dog you’d lost, or was that just one of the bullshit stories you spray around when you’re pretending to be anyone except yourself? How would you feel if Riley was hit by a car and died and I made fun of that to you? Any idea how you would feel and react?

You owe me so much, Jesus Christ. All of this. You owe it to me and yourself to face me in person at least once.

If you don’t you’ll torture yourself for the rest of your life about being that much of a rotten coward when you could’ve easily done the right thing or at least something less shitty.
I said…
Don’t try to talk to me, just blab at other people & switch from posting lovely supportive things, you post some fake flowers on my grave. There’s no telling what imaginary shit set you off this time.

I’ve told you multiple times you can ask me about something and talk to me instead of posting shit like that AirTag cat. Remember that from a couple hours ago? Guess not. Eye roll. Can’t remember a goddamn thing about me.

So you’re aiming to jump into serial killer mode 3 x day now?

Have you tried staying grounded and resisting that fucking werewolf with lowd opinions who likes to make fun of me trying not to kill myself to escape the grinding pain of my life- including his increased harassment stalking and bullying? You’ve mocked me for being a depressed bulimic lonely teenage girl. For my cat dying, even though you know what losing a beloved pet feels like. You made fun of Jeff’s looks and mine so many times I’ve lost track. I’d never do any of that to you because I’m a decent and caring person who loves to help people and ease their suffering. You make fun of me for that, though. You made fun of Jeff being gay. You mocked the death of an innocent child.

And *you’re* complaining about WHAT.

Amy Walker said…
Given the choice between being a mean jerk to me and making love to me, for 3 years you’ve chosen ‘mean jerk’.
Amy said…
I’ll never forget that photo you posted on Medium of yourself as a beautiful little boy, looking up into the camera a grownup was holding. I could see you, it was your face, that same calm gaze. I saw the intelligence in your face. And my heart knew looking into the child’s eyes that he wasn’t ok. It chokes me up right now, thinking of it & seeing it and feeling the knowing in my heart and head that you’d had to endure something dark and broken, that you’d been let down too hard and/or too much, and wasn’t expecting much from other people. That beautiful child had reasons to be wary and to mistrust. It breaks my heart every time I think of what you and I could have achieved if we had ever known what it felt like to be loved unconditionally. If we’d been shown the love and care that teaches us that we matter and teaches us the way we’re supposed to treat other people. We didn’t know what that was like, except in movies or tv or maybe friends’ families, if we were lucky. I wasn’t that good at making friends because I was unsure of myself- because I couldn’t rely on love-no-matter-what. It always felt contingent on looks, weight, grades, behavior. I had the wrong examples to follow. It wasn’t my fault then. But now I can do something about it. When I demonstrate to myself that I matter, that I deserve care and love, instead of denying/destroying myself, I feel better. You will, too. I love you and you deserve that love. I saw you, I recognized you somehow, and I love you. I’m agnostic but I feel I know that there’s something else, whatever it is. Humans aren’t smart enough to know everything about everything, but smart enough to know the best way forward is the one that’s least destructive to ourselves, other, humans, and our surroundings. That’s when things get better. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Show yourself you matter, and depend on yourself, and then you’ll be more sure of yourself and less reactive going through life. I love you and you always matter to me. I want you to not have so much suffering inside. You can share it with me. You know I’ll listen and I’ll care. You’ve watched me care for you and others for years. You know that part. I think the more we show up for ourselves, the easier it gets all around. It’s like the importance of Reading as a skill, in its relation to everything else.
You know I love you, all the time.
Amy said…
No, I don’t have a big ego, nor do I have any power over you. It’s your own insecurities & mistrust that has power over you. I shy away from being a leader & I don’t like giving people orders. I don’t like picking the restaurant a group goes to in case they don’t like it & blame me.

You’re never going to trust me enough or set aside your fear of screwing up to see me again, are you?

You’re just going to keep making accounts & surrounding me, watching me, & sniping at me. From a few miserable miles away. Why the fuck did you say “I wish I could see you again?” Because that sounded like you have no intent to see me. Then it felt like you tried to cover it up and walk it back. If anyone shouldn’t trust someone, I shouldn’t be trusting you. That Mutant clown head John posted made me feel like I’m still getting secretly fucked over. You never say a word about your intent with me, and you’ve scattered a bunch of fake dates and no shows around. What’s going on with you and your wife? Where is she when John talks to me? You fuck anything available, why won’t you see me?

Amy said…
What’s left of my heart these days hurts. I don’t know why I keep hoping to see you again. Feeling depressed, worn down, and cynical about whether I’m getting used and drained and duped by you and your mercurial cohorts. I believe you love me and that you’re trying to be a better person but god it’s hard to keep going with this. I keep getting nickled and dimed and teased. Stashed away once I tried to help him feel better. I know you think I can take anything but I actually cannot. I’m tired and fucking sad; it’s never enough
Amy Walker said…
I can never convince you to treat me like a person, not a ghost
A said…
How bout when I push back on your underhanded bullshit you say I’m sorry and explain what the fuck is going on. But it’s not like John is going to say shit about it except I Didn’t Do It & I Know Nothing. Frustrating. Can you keep your scores of hench accounts to not start throwing trash around because you keep finding ways to be a dick to me. You’re still not sick of your social media signal game. I wish it wasn’t me against 50.

Here’s a question: Have you been afraid of telling me you’re bisexual because you’re worried about how I’d react? I wouldn’t judge you & it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker to me if you were. That’s just one way to interpret some of what you post. I can’t tell, though. You could be making fun of Jeff or trying to tell me something. I don’t know.

I didn’t want to talk to John for a while, at least until I wrote here, because he’d just deny everything. I looked at my tl to see what you wanted to say and there was shit like the gulper eel and more.
Me said…
That was so fucking good this morning. Thank you so much, and thanks for listening to me.

It feels like we’re good together, but you still don’t believe in my authenticity…you don’t want to believe?. If I was pulling a mask off on the cover of a comic book, the face underneath would still be the same. Mine. It’s me. I’m a complex person but I am not disingenuous. Whatever mood I am in it is still me. I’m not a jerk. I really do love you. We’re very compatible, but you seem scared of me, even though you’re the one who’s been playing with my heart while calling me a one night stand. I love you & that’s all I ever wanted to do to you- just love you.
Anonymous said…
Who am I supposed to *really* listen to
Amy said…
Sigh

If you’re not sending frown vibes about me not being online all day long today because I had the nerve to be busy….

….you’re deciding to take my silly joke about a silly fun B movie (that we both like watching) as a direct insult aimed at your own grandparents.

I’m not even sure what that Weekly World News post was supposed to be saying. Maybe ‘don’t listen to this ‘monstrous’ liar when he gets like this’. Or that I’m supposed to be like some dried up old fake shrunken head with a fin glued to the top because I like sea creatures and ‘Splash’. It’s not clear. I never saw a clear answer to my question about whether you were trying to tell me you’re bisexual. You might’ve buried that in a more under the radar account, but if so I missed it. I know you’re a fan of women who’ll be willing to let you watch them fuck other women. Just fyi I’m still straight. I haven’t experimented with women, so I guess technically I can still say I’m hetero flexible since I’m not necessarily averse to trying it. But as of yet I still mainly identify as hetero. In case you’re curious but don’t want to ask me for whatever reason. I love you, I just can’t always be on BlueSky & that shouldn’t be such a trigger for you by now.

Have you enjoyed the way I talk to John as though we’re making love to each other? I assume you did- just checking. I definitely liked the way he talked to me. It makes me crazed with wanting to fuck you in real life.
Amy said…
Just a friendly fyi that I didn’t mean the van art post as a dig against the artwork, in case you’re hurt by that- I just saw it in my head and thought it was honestly cool. I wasn’t sarcastic. I love you.
Amy said…
Are you frowning that I’m not paying enough attention to *all* of your accounts that might be posting ugly shit or lovely thoughts about me? If so, that’s wrong- why would you expect me to spend all day poring over every single account of yours? Setting unrealistic expectations for me is a way to set yourself up for a tantrum. I have to point out again that I have just the one account there, but you frequently see me as the untrustworthy dishonest one. Projecting. I’m not a supervillain or a Bond girl, I’m me. It’s just Amy and you have no reason to be afraid of her or angry with her. It might be yourself you’re most angry with. I love you, so I’m telling you this. I hope John wants to watch a movie with me later and wasn’t teasing me.
Amy said…
I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings somehow tonight…I certainly didn’t mean anything but sweetness, affection, and love for you. I sincerely thought you would like Rowlf’s version of that poem. It sounds like a lovely and childlike song to me, that’s all. Are you getting upset because the word ‘chicken’ was in it? Honestly, darling, that hadn’t occurred to me. Aww…please have more trust in me than that- I am not the kind of person who would deliver an insult using dear Rowlf and that song.

The vaudeville doc I linked really is a fascinating parade of interesting show people- that’s one reason of many that I loved it. Btw, I thought of you when I attended Joy Deficit at the Red Light Cafe last night, because a woman did a cool burlesque performance, it was great. You would’ve liked it.
Amy said…
Hey darling, I love you & I’m sorry for disappearing, it was my internet. I’m okay! I just posted about the outage situation, including an AT&T text screenshot because I worried you might not believe me that my internet went out. I had to go to the DMV today for something, so I’m using their Wi-Fi for a few minutes. On my way out I noticed a work crew digging out a section of ground where a tree had been, so I wouldn’t be surprised if that had something to do with it. With a little luck my internet will be better after this.

https://youtu.be/w99NAM1eMsg?si=nRqKzRBIDdjyNcPD

I’ve missed you today. Even though I keep getting all these wounds, I can’t leave because I love you so much and I care what happens to you, darling. Today when my internet went down, I had just liked two or three of your new posts- right after I liked the Lightning Batman, actually. Then I tried to like the 20s looking Egyptian goddess pose, and couldn’t get anything. Sigh.

I’m alright, anyway. Thank you for the nice posts. I didn’t pull the interdimensional lever, I promise! If John would like to visit with me tonight, I hope he’ll get in touch later on- the eta for restored service is 10:00 tonight; feel free to dm me sometime after that. Hugs
Amy said…
Motherfucker I can’t help it when my internet goes out. Don’t call me a turtle who’s under her shell and not communicating. You’ve given me the silent treatment loads of times btw. When I’m quiet, I’m sleeping, or busy, or otherwise occupied. I get to have a real life in addition to ‘social’ media. You make it antisocial media with your squadron of fake bullies against one. I didn’t have to waste any of my time this afternoon on public Wi-Fi, letting you know I’m ok and trying to interact with you and keep myself safe at the same time.
Amy said…
You know, people you keep treating this way start to get worried about what you’ll be like if you attempt to talk to them. I assumed if John wanted to talk to me, or any of your other fakes did, I figured you’d reach out & let me know. I liked your stuff with my one account, & posted proof of my internet problem- I certainly shouldn’t have felt like I’d need to provide it but I did because I’m scared you’ll just insult me and smirk and not really talk.
Amy said…
Are you Fudgy the Greg Levine saying this: “Too bad you can’t say “pity fuck” on television.” ?

Wow.

You don’t ever tell me where or how long you’ll be gone when I don’t see any sign of you for a while.
When I was getting shopping & stuff done today, I kept listening to The Politics of Dancing. I hadn’t heard it in a long time, and it’s so good. I kept listening and wishing we’d gotten to dance more together. Wishing we’d had the chance to go anywhere or do anything together. It still hurts, thinking of that time. Can you tell me something you would’ve done differently with us, when you think back on everything? I’ve been wondering lately if you ever thought of that.

Remember going to that great Thai restaurant on Windy Hill Rd with your friend, who used to work with you? That was a nice time, and I enjoyed the company I was in and the conversation very much. There were a few minutes when you had stepped away and he and I chatted politely. He asked me how I knew you, and I felt nervous, but I said we were dating. Smiling, he said “You are a brave woman.” I didn’t feel brave then, I just felt delighted at having met you and I enjoyed being with you so much. I felt lucky, it felt like my life- my real life- had finally started. You throwing me away and all the rest of it still makes my heart hurt. I miss you, I always do.

Amy said…
Hey darling, be sure you don’t miss the alt text I put in the Energizer bunny post photo. I wrote that alt text specifically for you because I worried you’d think I was trying to be mean to you somehow. I was making a joke about how weathering this cultural shit war means having stuff around you can rely on when supplies dwindle. Do I use my Magic Wand? You fuckin bet I do- a lot. I frequently see you in my memory when I’m using it. Just fyi.

Just because I’m quiet or not on BlueSky for a while doesn’t mean I’ve abandoned you, love. I’m just busy or doing something for myself. I swear, last night & today I slept so well for so long because I was finally comfortable. It was good to be more functional over the last 3 days or so. I’ve been trying to catch up on things I’d been unable to do for a long time. A depression crisis is so hard to ride out. One reason is the paralysis. The near total lack of control over what you can & can’t do. I couldn’t feed myself properly for days.

I love you. Seeing you get angry at me, insult me, and make fun of me while I was so down didn’t help me. I know you can’t really help it, but it’s still hard to take, whether the real you means it or not. I really do wish I could know which of all your accounts you’d most want me to take seriously. There’s been so many, including bots. I recognized a couple accounts you were linked with in that data scraper thing. I knew Pierpaolo was a bot of some sort, but I knew you selected the photos because of the hidden language messages in some of them, & the way you customized the feed. That account would troll me & I never like that, but at least it was less ugly than some of your other trolls have been. I don’t like the AI you keep dishing up, btw. I think there’s some ai music and definitely fake user ‘proof of life’ photos. Not like the proof of life one I did. Ones that seem cribbed or created to lie to people en masse about who and what and where they really are. Remember a couple years ago when I said Ai was a new way for people to lie? Are you doing anything good with ai?

I miss you. My internet was down most of the week, and I got busy catching up with me dumb meaningless life the last few days because I’m coming out if a depression pit. I don’t have Borderline Personality Disorder & I’m not Bipolar like my mom- I don’t have a manic phase, I have my normalcy with depression pits and generalized anxiety. Speaking of my mom, she called me this afternoon. We hadn’t spoken for a while. I had to be on the phone with her for an hour and 52 minutes. Half of it was her telling stories I’ve had memorized for ages, this is always a part of it. But I’m kind to her; her love for me gets diffused through her dysfunction so I don’t get to feel much of it. I have to know & believe it’s there. For half my life I didn’t know it was there in the first place. Same thing with my dad. I’m cursed to be unable to feel love people have for me because of my mental illness or theirs. I feel as though I’ve been starved of love my whole life.
Amy said…
I’m the pathetic one-?

You don’t have object permanence but I’m the pathetic & verbose ‘Thing That Wouldn’t Leave’? Even though I get in trouble for doing anything else except hold your internet hand and stroke your erect ego on BlueSky. Sometimes I like to be off the phone, deal with it. Now you’re acting like you’re in middle school again with your fucking mean girl trash. We already did that today, lady.

I thought I was going to try to DM with John later tonight, but now I don’t think it’s a good idea with the mood you and your flock of bullying gargoyles are in. So if I’m not on BlueSky for a few hours, don’t panic. I’m over here living my stupid life trying to get over all your endless cons and psychopathy you keep breaking into at anything I say. It doesn’t matter if I did something in your dreams you haven’t liked. That’s not really me, and I can’t believe I have to tell you not to hold what you dream about against me. Have fun with your antisocial anti-Amy internet time.
Amy said…
If it’s just because of a silly joke about microplastics in scrotums, I can make a joke about male genitalia and not be talking about you. It was just a dumb joke. Not everything has a double meaning or is meant to hurt you. I love you, please stop werewolfing out on me for nothing
I said…
So you’re sure you’re not bisexual? No thanks for your rude ‘weird with a beard’ comment. Less still for your thinking face and for all the other “hints” you’ve given me that you want me to shave my pussy smooth. Looks like you missed the important part where we’re supposed to respect what people do with their hair. You know what I really don’t find attractive? You when you’re like this. Later, asshole-
I said…
You know what - go fuck your goddamned wife, you’re the one who married her, what are you doing spending so much time trying to make me feel like shit? You chose her, so go fuck with her. Unless she’s busy fucking someone else tonight in whatever your setup is that helps you to fuck as many other people as possible.
I said…
Listen: you want to talk about fuckin “reciprocity”, asshole? I wish I could reciprocate the level of sick unrelenting psychopathy you’ve thrown at me for three years. But I’m not a goddamned prick like you are. You’re trying to pretend *I’m* not giving and communicative enough?? That’s fucking hysterical and absurd, you insect. You’re the one who hasn’t reciprocated for SHIT, remember?? You always want me to lie down and take your abuse without a word, and you know damn well that’s fucked up. I’m not apologizing for not being as terminally online as you are. You’re pissed off that l’m not spending every minute of the day giving you attention. You flip the fuck out if I’m not actively liking your squadrons of proxy posts. I hate not knowing who’s really you, and I hate Harry Fucking Lime. Go make out with him, if you admire him so much. I can never do anything right for you, & you always go back to sucking Harry’s dick and pretending your victim is the asshole who can’t be trusted. Sure.
Amy said…
Darling, I don’t understand why you say I’m hot & cold to you, while you’ve been the same way to me, only more so. You keep doing something uncalled for, insulting, and mean, & I don’t let you & your dozens of disguise-accounts get away with it. That’s not called hot & cold, love. That’s what it’s like weathering your daily storms and accusations. Am I not still here? Have you not stood me up a bunch of times after signaling specific plans & intent? Do you ever talk directly to me like I’m doing to you right now? Were you too scared to come to the door when I knocked a couple years ago? Are you still married, or separated? Are you grooming a different object of your obsession somewhere on BlueSky? Andre was talking about someone specific, why did he claim to be an idiot right away? Love, I’m confused when different accounts say conflicting things- that also works in your favor. I love you. But you don’t ever say that to me with anyone’s lips.
Amy said…
Hey darling, I’m on a plane right now at the airport gate. I have relatives in San Antonio who are flying me out to visit them, they’re very kind. It’s been a spur of the moment kind of trip, but for these few days, having something to look forward to has helped me feel better. I’ll check in when I can today, I have to go on airplane mode. I love you so dearly. I’m always thinking of you, and I loved being with you last night. Thank you darling love. <3
Anonymous said…
I’m looking forward to talking with you again, I’m proud of you, love. -HUGS-
Y said…
I don’t know why I’m still on BlueSky at all.
You don’t want me- you can’t even message me from under a mask anymore.
Why should I post anything just to get likes from accounts that *might* be you? When you’re sitting right there, posting as one of your fake people, but won’t even try to converse with me. You don’t want to reply to me anymore, you don’t want to talk to me, you don’t like actually communicating with anyone, if you haven’t secured or confirmed some advantage over the other person. Try to pretend I’m the asshole, so you don’t have to feel uncomfortable.
Are you fine with never seeing me again, darling?
Amy said…
Of course you haven’t shown up to talk to me. Never did, anyway-
You know what? Liars are uninteresting.
Amy said…
Roll over & fuck whoever’s lying there next to you- that’s all you want
- said…
Oh sure, “John R.” will jump in and furnish an imaginary excuse, & I don’t give one fuck because you’re imaginary. You imagine one day you’ll actually get serious & treat me like a person, but you’re not fooling me, & not fooling yourself because you know this is all bullshit.
I fucking said…
Fucking pathetic lying fake-ass jagoff.
Amy said…
Go lie to someone else.
I said…
Go have fun with the other people you’re catfishing, or your wife, or whoever you’re spending your precious time with these days.
Amy said…
Peeky peeky? Yeah, I’m still looking at what some of your accounts are posting. I told you- I still love you and give a damn about you even though you’re so awful to me. Does that disappoint you?
Amy said…
Hey darling. I’m in the San Antonio airport with a prickly pear margarita. Flight’s supposed to take off around 5:00, and I’ll probably be getting to my dumb little condo around 10/10:30 tonight. I can’t wait to see Bossy, and I’m looking forward to being home in a way, and yet, it’s also such a crummy lonely worthless life to go back to. I felt like a real misfit the last couple days & you may not believe me because you think I’m good looking (thank you, love) & how could I not fit in everywhere? All I can say is being smart and different and not easily classifiable spooks people out like a MF. I’m supposed to be so-so smart and not have strong opinions or challenge anyone or get angry or be anything but decorative. I frequently feel like I never did anything right. I hate that libraries are ruined for me when I carved that crappy paying but important-to-me career out of nothing as a plan b, with soooo much hard work. Now it’s nothing & it’s over & librarians are under fire everywhere. I’ve been thinking of applying to work at that French coffee place at the corner of 120 & Powder Springs, Douceur de France. It’s a morning job, probably, but it’s close. I need health insurance so bad, though, I don’t know if you get that waitressing or whatever. I don’t know. I have almost nothing to go back to, but at least what little there is is my own. Do you ever feel so bottomlessly sad and tired & feel like you don’t fit in anywhere? It’s lonely.
I liked seeing the songs Rick put up, thank you so much, love. I’m sorry to not be feeling cheerful. But it’ll be good to be less far away from you even though I still can’t see you. <3
Amy Walker said…
I’m on the airplane in my seat at the San Antonio airport gate, thinking of you and missing you, thinking you’re probably having dinner now in Atlanta. I can see your dear face in my mind, and I want to touch you and kiss you. I love you, my darling.
Amy said…
I went for a walk yesterday evening with my headphones on, listening to music & enjoying some alone time as well as some exercise /stress relief time. It wasn’t even that hot, but I got back glazed with a light layer of sweat. And carrying a new book to look at. It wasn’t a new book, it was a year older than me, published in 1972, and it was a Jacques-Yves Cousteau trade paperback about different types of whales & the Calypso’s experiences with them at the time. It had been in a Little Free Library that had been installed at the front of someone’s yard in the neighborhood. It reminded me of watching the PBS Cousteau shows & specials on TV in the 70s, as well as Nova and a local naturalist’s show called Naturescene. It’s a fun book to look at, full of lovely old photographs & old engravings of different whales and of different 70s French marine biologists at work, trailblazing to find out more about beautiful marine animals and document them. One scientist on the crew is seen shirtless & holding a big meerschaum pipe, setting a killer whale’s jawbone out to dry-?? He looks handsome, hilarious, & strange all at the same time. I like that look.

I also went to a nice bookstore in SA and bought a book called Why Sinead O’Connor Matters. Looking forward to reading that one. I love you & I miss you, & wish we could pick out books together and then enjoy a reading time together. I’d be snuggled up with you and my book, feeling loved & touching you.
Amy said…
I should be home in my condo with my little Bossy lady by around 10 pm or so, GA time. When I’m safely home, I’ll let you know, love. Both planes I’ve taken are Airbus planes- which makes me feel more comfortable than if they were made by Boeing-Boeing. In the middle seat, but enjoying it - I rarely get up during flights anyway- 😅😂loving you so much.
Amy said…
Hey love, I hope you’re doing OK.
-Hugs-
I miss you. I feel ok to be back, but very tired. I wish you were here, or I was with you.

I’m alright, I was on the phone with my mom for the last 2.5 hours- told her about this trip & she told me about my dad being hard to deal with when he’s in dementia mode. He’d been emotionally cruel to her in this particular dementia episode because he was dehydrated, which happens to him more easily than it does with me. When he gets dehydrated, he gets volatile. He’d been trying to take the bed apart, thinking it was something else, & mom was trying to get him to snap out of it. He got really mean, & I started crying, hearing the story. It made me feel bad for her, sad that my dad was stricken with this condition, & upset that he was acting like that to her, though he didn’t know what he was doing. It was a lot. It worked out okay once my dad acquiesced to drinking a few glasses of water. Then he became clearer & more stable. Mom & I resolved our feelings together about that, which was very good. I wasn’t crying anymore when I hung up. It made me feel better to commiserate with her about the friendly-ish but high-control home environment I’d just visited, & the nice times I’d enjoyed vs. some of the fucked up shit that family does. Basically, the matriarch of the household I just visited was controlling, judgy, narcissistic, & passive aggressive AF person. Who also considers herself a good Christian btw. These weren’t blood relatives, but there’s problematic people in my family too (like my own dad). My own family was pretty secular- we were Anglican Episcopalian, but not very religious. Seeing the ingrained misogyny of religion baked into her personality & viewpoints was frustrating & I kept wanting to rebel against it. She treated me like I was a teenage girl while I was there, with no agency or right to privacy. In my head I was like ‘bitch I’m 51, you are not my mother, sit down & STFU with that shit’. I didn’t phrase it like that, but I didn’t let her get away scot free, at least.

Last night I couldn’t sleep until 5:00AM, even though I was so exhausted. I woke up at 11:30 this morning, & Bossy was curled up next to my head on the neighboring pillow, which she hasn’t done in a while. Awww. I had my music teacher friend down the street checking in & taking care of her, but poor Bossy thought I wasn’t coming back; she hid under the sofa for a while, keyed up & not accepting that it was really me for a few minutes, until I settled down & started to watch what looked like a super-fun old B-movie on YouTube I’d never heard of with Agnes Moorhead & Vincent Price called The Bat. It was front-loaded in Recommendations & The Algorithm was Correct (*this* time, lol) & damn what a fun lil movie for character actor lovers like me.

After about 10 minutes of the movie, Bossy came creeping out from under the sofa, then once she was sure it was me, she couldn’t stop being petted & spoken to for a good long while. Her series of small but declarative, meows, trills, & chirps was music to my ears, it was so nice to see her. I’d had a feeling she was worried about me. I wish there was a way to let a pet know you’re okay & coming back. I think 7 days is the longest I’ve been away from her, & her demeanor has always been that of a concerned, affectionate, & opinionated but loving chaperone or personal attendant, who takes her responsibilities seriously. She’s independent, but at her most content moments, she is helping or ‘guarding’ me. (To Be Continued, lol…; )
Amy said…
Just fyi, I posted that one comment twice because my comment wasn’t displaying as published. I was using the plane’s wi-fi on airplane mode, so that might’ve had something to do with it. My apologies for taking so long to write this for you. I was working on it when my mom called. I know it must be frustrating to see me leave this tab open for so long, but it’s because I get interrupted & can’t finish it. I wasn’t ignoring you, just getting some sleep, writing you, talking to Mom, & finishing writing you. I love you &miss you. So much. I want to go back on BlueSky but I’m also wary of the doppelgängers & their tactics.

I hope your day hasn’t been to stressy or boring, darling. Hugs to you, kisses as well. I love you.
Amy said…
Hey darling, hugs to you and thank you for the songs, they’ve helped me feel happier. I love you and I want you- I’m always wanting you. It makes me so turned on to imagine being with you. One thing I like to think about that gets me hot is to imagine we’re spending the day alone together at home, just you and I. You wake up and then wake me up by making love to me nice and slow… until I can’t take it anymore unless you break free, pound into me, and fuck me hard until we cum. Over the day, I’ll be doing something like standing and looking into a kitchen cabinet…then you walk in, and you don’t say anything except that deep, low sound in your throat when you grab me, put my body the way you want it, and start fucking me. You’re fucking me and I got so wet and slick for you so fast, it makes you even harder, and you start fucking me harder. I’m crying out and rubbing my clit the way I like to- pressing and rubbing from the side, pressing through my labia, and it feels so good, and you cum in me. Scenes like that happen in different settings over the day, I’ve fantasized about plenty of different ones. That day would be so fucking amazing.

I really like that Kygo remix of Marvin Gaye’s ‘Sexual Healing’. The original is so good, and the remix gives it an extra rush that makes me hot. Thank you so much for being there for me, darling, I love you. Sometimes the reason I have this tab open for a long time is because it takes me a while to write it properly, to make it just right. I wanted this one just right. I love you, always.
Amy said…
Hey, love.
: )

I love you, and I hope you’re doing okay.
-hugs-

They’ve all been busy posting different things, and they have a lot to say. Some say lovely or thought-provoking things, some not so much. I hope Captain America, et al are scoring some points & kicking some Nazi ass over there.

They all miss the exalted Shelley Duvall, & so do I. I knew she’d been suffering and in pain, and my heart broke at the thought of her going through all that. She’s okay forever now, but that makes me get tears in my eyes, because she always felt like we were related. Like she was an adored aunt of mine who was sensitive, understanding, different, and interesting. I was specifically aware of her when I was little, watching Popeye whenever it was running on the pay movie channels that year. I haven’t watched it since I was in that old living room. I’d seen her in The Shining, which my parents were watching on tv in that living room one night. I stood and watched it for a while, and I was interested in this different-looking movie. My mom and dad said that this was a scary movie and that I didn’t want to see it. They said it offhandedly, while looking at the imagery on the screen, not me. I didn’t leave for a couple minutes, though; I was looking at an enormous formal room with an old elevator, and it was quiet, but with a drone indicating scariness. I wasn’t feeling scared, though, so I was puzzled and interested. A little boy was there, and the elevator door was opening slowly. A tide of blood began to fill the enormous room in slow motion, & I knew it was supposed to be scary, but I didn’t feel afraid. I thought ‘but this isn’t scary, & I want to keep watching it’. I had to be turned around and directed to my room. I liked the movie immediately when I saw it several years later; I never get tired of watching The Shining. It’s a good book, too.

But like I said, I haven’t watched Popeye since I was a kid. I liked it then, but it seemed to drop off the media radar entirely in the ensuing years; I didn’t hear it discussed, anywhere, either. But when I watched those two clips of Shelley singing as Olive Oyl, I could feel long-dark brain cells stir and light up in deep recognition. It felt good to hear her voice sing those songs again, she was so sweet in that movie. I liked it and got emotionally involved in it whenever it was on tv that year. Those clips make me almost feel the beige carpet in that room under my fingers. The tv in that living room was one of those heavy-ass wood cabinet furniture-looking tv’s. Shelley seems like I already knew her. I miss Shelley, but I’m relieved that she’s not hurting anymore, never has to worry about anything, ever. I’m happy for her.

I’m happy to see her work with Faerie Tale Theater & her producing career getting some love. I always liked those; they were funny and charming, with lovely visuals and performances, and such good writing. About 3 or 4 months ago, I watched Nashville, which I’d seen once years ago, and it was so great to see her. I should watch Popeye again, and have some nice madeleines as a shoutout to the Proustian rush I’ll be experiencing the whole time.

I really liked watching movies with John.
Amy said…
It’s good to be in my own place again, with this Bossy lady.
It’s still lonely, though.
I still feel jealous of the women who are there with you instead of me, where I belong. I think of Erica and all your girlfriends in real life and on BlueSky & the rest. If I went back, would I be getting back into a pool where your other women are all still swimming around, along with your own gang of proxies? Are you still fucking Dull Witted Barbie when you could be having me, for example? How bored are you with Erica after a year? What did you do for your anniversary? Did it feel magical? Or did it just feel good to control everyone around you, like baseline good? You’re still there wearing a mask behind your wall because you’re comfortable. You won’t even text me, but you’ll swarm around me on BlueSky, teasing me, promising anything….and then comes the abuse & abandonment. I know I shouldn’t care about a person who treats me like trash. I shouldn’t be looking at you, I should have deactivated & moved on. I can’t do the moving on part, because I know you love me somewhere in there, and nobody else ever did. I’m always too much or not enough. Not enough to talk to.
Your Amy said…
I think one thing that’s appealing to me (& maybe you) about Shelley Duvall is her vulnerability, always. She was honest and courageous enough to be that vulnerable, her whole life. Vulnerable and genuine.
Amy said…
Why don’t you dance with me? I’m not no Limburger-“

https://youtu.be/_gRoWhWeROk?si=8WbjcV5zLfACUqrb

“Do the Game Show Winner”

“Do the Miss America”

<3
Amy said…
Is John saying that the night of July 26th is significant? I hope so…. I hope he’s speaking for you, Trey. I hope you want to try and see me on Friday night, July 26. Let me know, darling, because if you want to try again and come to me that night, I’d be here for you, and only you, love.
Amy said…
Darling, are you the Rural Indexing Project account on BlueSky? Those last ones seem to speak to me, but I might be ‘seeing’ patterns where I want to see them. I love A-frames, and they spoke to “Three Women”. Not only the movie ‘Three Women’ because of Shelley & Sissy & everyone else…but also because there are three different women in your life you’re devoted to. Me, Erica, and that mystery woman who might’ve been a nanny or au pair or just #3 in a triangle because you always want to be able to play one against the other, manipulating and controlling as much of the situation as possible. Or maybe there’s someone else on BlueSky you’re baiting and leading on and playing with besides me? I’ve noticed you deleting posts once I’ve seen them- why so secretive there, love? That right there is another element of being on BlueSky I’m not okay with. Competing with other women you’re not too scared to fuck? Nope, do not like. I love you, but I’m not okay with that experience again. Just tell me which ones you’re fucking, don’t play me against them.
Amy the Extra said…
Front-loading the loathsome Mike Love leading a Chuck Berry cover doesn’t feel flattering, coming from you. What’s the problem, why aren’t you enjoying the B52’s all of a sudden?
Amy said…
One more thing about the Rural Indexing Project account (you? no? I don’t know)- those photos always hit a nerve with me because I know what it’s like to live near buildings like that. You know that, which also makes me think Rural Indexing might be you.
Apologies if I’m wrong, love.
Amy said…
Darling, if you meant that you wanted to see me at the end of July, I’d love to see you. I could be reading too much into it, so please tell me. I love you and either choice is all right with me. Just tell me, love.
I want you, and I love you.
Your Amy said…
Good morning, love.😘
All the songs you posted are so beautiful, I love them, and I’m so happy you want to see me soon- thank you so much, darling, I wish I could put my arms around you & kiss you right now. I’m so proud of you, love, & I can’t wait!

I’ve been glad to be home with Bossy the last couple days, and she’s been so happy she’s barely let me out of her sight since Wednesday night. Now she has some nursing duties, because yesterday I started having cold symptoms, and tested positive for Covid. Bleh, I certainly didn’t want that. But I guess it isn’t surprising since one of the teen youngsters in Texas just had Covid, and his parents said their doctor had advised that he wasn’t contagious as long as nobody ate or drank after him. I remember thinking ‘I’m gonna try to not get Covid, but I have a feeling that coughing kid is still contagious’. To be fair, I could have gotten it in either of the airports or on the plane Wednesday. Sigh. So I have Covid for the second time. So far, it just feels like a cold, but OMG last night it felt like all I did was toss & turn. Slept a little better in the morning for a while. At least this time I haven’t had an entire day of being fatigued & unconscious, so that’s good.

Thank you again for posting lovely songs for me- including Come See About Me. : )
I hope you do come see about me. I’ll be waiting for you.
Your Amy said…
https://youtu.be/gY7RIn4byK0?si=c8RDZI7q0HWALcUF
Your Amy said…
Darling, I sure wish I knew what it is that’s really going on with SimonJester, Borg, & some other music sharing rings in your circles on BlueSky. There are a lot of women’s accounts in their lists on posts. Women’s accounts like fuckin Dull Normal Barbie & Cum Get Your DinDin, among others, including Jacks the Pale Horse and Ismua, both of whom are actually you. Sure are a lot of Sign-In Required accounts on those lists in the music sharing rings. What is this, darling? How many of those accounts are you? How many lovers of yours are in there? Or fuckbuddies or whatever- I’m curious about what’s really happening with those accounts and what the point is, if any. It could just be a jealousy-generator system of different false accounts. There’s no telling. I guess I don’t have any say in this matter, except the decision to be here. After that, you run with it. We’re all under your thumb at that point, right? Including you, darling. It’s like I can hear you laughing at me from not far away, just offstage.

If you really do want to see me that day- & I hope you do- I hope you’ll let me be close to you for at least a few hours, before you cut me loose and laugh at me.
Amy said…
Just wanted to stop by to hug you and kiss you for a minute, darling. I love you.
: )
Yes, love- I’ll be waiting for you.
<3

Oof, this firehose of news- I take a shower, then casually check WaPo & yikes.
I remember watching that SNL Buckwheat/Hinckley segment, that was funny, thanks.☺️
Amy said…
: )
<3
💕
Song for a Future Generation:

https://youtu.be/lOWVacbKZ94?si=ixtJL1TdBRgoFGi_

I always loved that song & thought it was funny and cute.
Not that I should be having a baby at 51 in GA in 2024; however, who says we can’t have one of those little plastic King Cake babies?
‘We just had a baby- here, lemme get it outtta my pocket-“
Sorry…just getting frisky and silly with excitement.

Amy said…
…excitement at the prospect of seeing you.😘
Amy said…
https://youtu.be/Wog2tTDqiUc?si=b2ACCtlz2uz_lL9t

“Spread icing nice and thick between the layers-
oo let it drip down the sides, who cares?

I’m watching it drip down the sides…

If you want a better batter better beat it harder”

I’ve been thinking about you, too.
; )
I love you
: )
*kiss*
Amy said…
Aww I’d never heard that Van Morrison song, either- thank you so much. : )
I loved it. I love you.

Here’s a song….listening to this, I imagine being with you, walking somewhere together in twilight, being in a good mood, making wisecracks and flirting with each other on our way to see a show or get a drink.

https://youtu.be/b7wgu5WWYJo?si=eMnQKRflefA-1EoH



Amy said…

I knew I shouldn’t have come back to BlurSky- you cast any reality you want, there.
Are you capable of not being a fucking asshole to me at all times, behind my back? Doesn’t look like it to me. “John R.” says you’re not to be trusted, and I believe him. Meanwhile, the account you put your actual (masked) face and first initial on says I’m an irritant. That’s nice. Would you like to talk about irritating bullshit online? Because BlueSky’s full of your mean, fakeass bullies, and they’re irritating a lot of the time, like when they act like a 6th grade mean girl.
Btw- do you have some kind of surveillance bullshit on my phone? Should I believe any answer you give me?
You’ll have to come here in person or text me to talk to me. This is fucking ridiculous, Trey. You can’t keep from being a total jerk to me longer than 4 hours?
Amy said…
You don’t want me tagging along after you? Is that tiresome to you? How would you feel if I made a fuckton of fake accounts and said all kinds of made-up ugly shit about you, would that be irritating?? Over & over? Hm-
Amy said…
No, I have no goddamn interest in making any fake accounts to harass you with- that’s your routine, obviously. It would also be a massive waste of my time. Have fun- you’ve got BlueSky all to yourself & your eleventy-one other accounts.
Amy said…
Darling it hurts me when you can’t control your demons in time to stop yourself from posting ugliness about me. FFS stop indulging them, they are fucking horrible

Tell them fuck no

For once
I said…
Nope…so simple, to not be an asshole to me, and yet, you can’t stop. Did you think I’d find that appealing? Because I don’t. Your continued inability to control your psychotic tendencies means you post more mean, thoughtless bullshit, which….if your goal at this point is to keep me from wanting to be on BlueSky, then good job, I guess. I don’t like playing games at all, especially rigged games like yours are. Sick of your games, fuck your games and puzzles, I’ve done enough
Laura said…
Nice guys finish last couldn’t be more true, turns out.

When is the fucking finish is what I want to know

Are you done punching me, yet? Want to mock me about anything else while I’m down, Winner?

Winning, wow….that must be nice

you have everything you ever wanted. Why do you still want to torture me
I said…
Making fun of me for going to the goddamn store- how low are you
I mean wtf does it take

You and that emptiness you harbor

you’ll never understand what this is like

the pain you cause
I said…
I’d like to go to the fucking store but I’m not because I’m still contagious with Covid, jerk

Or were you just laughing at me for making I Ain’t Never Going Anywhere come true for the rest of my life

Either way, you come off like the opposite of a good person
Amy Walker said…
Did you enjoy listening to me crying alone today

Get off my goddamn phone

What makes you think you get to listen to me at home- what makes you think I don’t deserve privacy

Get off my fucking phone right now

I don’t do any of that shit to you, you fucking stupid bastard

Who do you think you are

You don’t know

I don’t care

What happens is this

GET OFF MY PHONE YOU FUCKING PEEPING TOM

HEAR THAT, ASSHOLE?? NEED IT IN FUCKING URDU??

CUT OUT YOUR FUCKING SERIAL KILLER SHIT

Stop that shit right now.
Amy Walker said…
GET OFF MY PHONE AND GTFO
Amy said…
Why is is so impossible for one grown man (you) to NOT ACT LIKE A FUCKING JACKASS

Why did you think it would be cool and okay to do that? So goddamn stupid.
Amy said…
Don’t worry, I don’t have the capability to hack into your phone, or the desire to listen to more of your bullshit.
Amy said…
I’m okay. -Hugs-
I love you so much.
Amy said…
I’m about to go out to get some things I need at the store, going out for the first time in days. I think I’m okay to mask up and do self-check, I’ve had symptoms improving for a day. I never had a fever, but I would still occasionally get cold sweats- could be anxiety, though. I’m wondering if you’d already know where I went this evening, if I didn’t tell you. I don’t know if you’re still listening to my phone and/or tracking me somehow. I’m wondering if you’ll be laughing at me for going to the store, big whoop. I really don’t know for sure, though. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter anyway, darling. Nothing I can do about still loving you.
Hope you’re enjoying the game. Thank you for the music. : )
Amy said…
It doesn’t matter, the spying, because there’s nothing I can do about it. I think you’re still listening to me on my phone, I don’t think you’ve unplugged that. I don’t like that, but there’s nothing I can do about it, so it doesn’t matter. I love you so much and you know I’m harmless. You know this. What fucking crimes against humanity am I spitting, from my broken-ass self in my shabby little place I’m lucky to still have? If you still feel threatened by me, who in the Helena Bonham Carter sold you that crack? Why are you still scared to talk to an unemployed misfit with C/PTSD you have so much power over? Why are you listening to me on my phone all day, love? Do you listen to everything, or does AI give you a transcribed report/highlights?

Dr. Glenn Doyle thinks we were meant for more than coping and surviving but right now that feels sooooo untrue for me. I’ve had so many disappointments, endless moments of “oh you thought you were finally getting what you wanted at last? Well you were wrong- give it back, because that’s over.” Lucy always swipes the football away, and I’ve never been Lucy in that scenario. I identify with Charlie Brown, always did, always will…& Linus, too, just probably not as well adjusted as Linus. I certainly loved my security blanket- I understood the hell out of that. I better have a damn blanket - because I learned from an early age that people sure won’t be there for you. They’re supposed to be there, but…shrug. Speaking of blankets, have I told you about how my mom consciously used shame on me about my weight, my appearance, my blanket, etc. all the time because her mother shamed her “and it worked”? She wonders to this day why my self esteem is such a problem. It works, Mom, but at what cost. I can’t blame her, though, because she had it rough as a child, too.

Can you not see and hear how alone I am out here. I’m stuck out here in the wind, always shut out, howling forever, never getting what I really want.

All I ever wanted was to have someone to be with and share things with- who loved me and wanted to be with me, too. That was it. I thought I had it, but it didn’t turn out that way. That’s always the way, and it’s so lonely it’s wrenching.

https://useyourdamnskills.com/
Amy said…

https://youtu.be/Vg5mHnR9EWw?si=DczNTSOn_W0V3Sr7


I love you <3

Dance party! : D


Amy said…

https://youtu.be/dbKj_OjeBJk?si=iRuWkvDnFtIm3BeL

I heard this at an 80s Night in a tiny club in Savannah and it sounded so crystalline and perfect, it felt so good. I had a new appreciation for this song after hearing it & dancing to it there. : )
Amy said…
I saw the Quiet prequel in TX at an Alamo Drafthouse and the clip show of old trailers related to the concept of NYC Destruction that they ran for a half hour or so before the feature was way more fun & enjoyable than the actual movie. I felt the same as you- only interesting as a character study of Lupita. The aliens are meaningless and weightless looking. None of it was believable. Also, *I* would’ve been able to organize a better municipal evacuation of NYC than that, Lol- ‘just shuffle as quietly as you can to one end of Manhattan where a boat is- we won’t make a diversion or anything!’ Liked it a little more than the first one, at least! ☺️
Amy said…
I have to give a special shoutout to Teenage Crime Wave!!! ❤️❤️❤️

OMG my breathless gasp when I saw that poster…thank you so much, because that little film is just so dear to me, mostly for Mollie McCart’s gusty & insolent performance. I love it- she threw herself into it fiercely, just went in crackling. I love the MST3K treatment, too. I have to watch that around every Thanksgiving. This one and Teenage Strangler (also MST3K’d) are in my top 5 episodes of all time, tbh. Those two, plus I Accuse My Parents are a triumvirate!

-Hugs-
<3
Amy said…
Here’s something I’ve wondered about: what kinky Event/s do you fantasize about taking me to? Tell me about something you’d especially enjoy, being out & about with me in that world. I was just enjoying listening to Nightclubbing, thinking of you & wondering what you’d want to do together.
Amy said…

Accent Lover’s Corner:

Tonight I noticed that the YouTube comment section for this certain 1989 Renegade Soundwave single is full of UK ravers, all so excited to hear it again, it’s great. They use the word ‘tune’ a lot, occasionally spelled ‘choon’ which is so great. My favorite was the guy who wrote “Oh sweet Jesus what a Chooooooooonn!!!” because I could hear that voice so clearly in my head.

https://youtu.be/JpGT5O8ln9s?si=GiHo-YnABHyZLKE5

Amy said…
I can’t not ask…Did the Steve Ditko panel mean you’re considering not spying on me anymore through my phone remotely? I hope so. It’s an invasion of my privacy, and it didn’t help my mental health the last few days, love. I’ve felt paralyzed and under a microscope. I try to forget this is happening and I try to ignore it, but I can’t. This is a problem….You know you have no business listening to my private life or anyone else’s. How would you feel if I’d done that to you, & you figured it out? You don’t need to do it, and it’s creepy and gross. Please stop; I’m asking you nicely, Trey. I know you’re spying on my phone; you feed me references on BlueSky to what I say and do at home ‘alone’. It’s not cool or impressive or attractive to me, and it doesn’t make me trust you. It doesn’t make me feel like you trust me, either. What made you think that was a good thing to do to me?
Amy said…
I’m serious, Trey- I was serious here when I yelled at you before about it, and I’m more serious now. The more I think about this, the less I trust you. If you care about me, you’ll respect my basic right to privacy. What you’re doing is illegal and a dealbreaker. It’s not ok in anyone’s view. Darling, if you want to see me again, get off my phone. If you want me to consider seeing you again, get off my phone. I didn’t appreciate seeing evidence in your posts on BlueSky that you were secretly listening to my home life. I’ve tried to pretend this isn’t happening, but it is, and I’m not putting up with it. I don’t like your stupid outhouse ‘joke’ post, either. It wasn’t a joke, you were just laughing at me because you can see and hear everything I do. If you won’t give me back my privacy, I’ll be looking into my public safety resource options and see about kicking you off and keeping you out. This phone spying & listening thing scares me, Trey, and I don’t like it. It’s been unnerving. Please stop it.
Amy said…
I love you, darling, and I miss you.
I really hope the empty phone booth post is supposed to mean nobody’s spying on my phone.
Because I do love you and wish I could see you again, if you ever really wanted to. Wouldn’t seeing me be more enjoyable than spying on my phone from an office chair somewhere? I think that would be much better for the both of us- I know I’d be a lot more excited about seeing each other, what about you? What are you thinking of doing tonight? You seem like you have weekend plans of some sort, but what about next Friday night, is that night still on your engagement calendar?
Amy said…
Hey darling. -Hugs- Xx XXXx. XXX xXx XXx. X. : )
Thank you. I’ve only looked at John & Rick so far today, but they’ve been nothing but loving to me this weekend. I wanted to tell you I noticed that, and I wanted to thank you, love. I see you being good to me, please don’t stop, darling- and don’t forget how far you’ve come, because you’ve worked on it. I still love you so much and I want you.
You’re still doing it- we’re both still moving forward, we’re still here for each other. I can’t tell you how good it feels to see you keep your equilibrium consistent. You might laugh at me for saying all this, but then you might be smiling and quietly beaming with satisfaction about your efforts. I don’t know- tell me how you’re feeling about it, love. I hope being a better person feels good to you. : ) You deserve to feel good about yourself, darling. Thank you.

Thank you for reminding me of EmoryExplodo’s righteous Portishead mix I enjoyed so much, that was so good. I need to listen to that again. I liked all of Rick’s music. Wicked Game is one of the most gorgeous songs ever. I’d almost forgotten about Justify My Love- when I listen to it now, it’s very evocative of the last year or so of my virginity. Pop songs around late 1990 through 1991 were pretty damned horny, with this & Wicked Game, I Touch Myself, Sadeness, I Wanna Sex You Up, Gett Off, etc. (The first time I had sex was in October 1991 at SCAD.)

I hope I see you again soon, darling. I love you, I hope you’re doing alright today.
Amy said…
https://youtu.be/eP8Y9cxGS80?si=7MZTA89M44ABtkAj

I love Paul Desmond, especially with the Quartet. I love it, and listening to this right now makes my body want to be next to yours, hearing this music in the air with you, dancing together in this room. Feeling the warmth of your hands through my clothes.
Amy said…
G’night, Hopscotcher ; )
You nuthatch
Hmm… what’s with the ‘hang the DJ’ talk?
Is it merely meant to imply the concept of ‘panic’? Or is the repeated ‘hang the DJ’ refrain mean that you’re still spying on me, listening to my phone, and making fun of my music? It’s all a definite possibility. Wasn’t a fan of your decision to post that photo of the Trumpy blonde woman with the fat face. But I still stand by my previous message, because you’ve successfully dialed it down a lot from before, at least- and I have true faith in you. That might feel weird if hardly anyone has done that for you in your life.
-hugs-



Amy said…
Ok I’m going to ask- who does Natalie Wood remind you of? I don’t think it’s me, because I don’t think I’m anything like her. Is she supposed to stand for me because she might’ve gotten murdered & I mentioned her in that poem? Or is she Erica? I’m honestly not mad, just curious. I love you.
Amy said…
Beyond nuthatch- whatta maroon you are, love. John sure has been in a shitty mood today- for hours.
Makes me pretty glad I’m not there on BlueSky anymore. I’m less manipulated by your snide doppelgängers when my account is deactivated. I’m not checking it as much lately, but you might’ve noticed that. I wasn’t lying, I still adore you and feel the same way about you as I did earlier tonight. People can feel more than one thing at a time- I also think it’s gross that you are still listening to my phone and tracking me and whatever. What, do you jerk off while thinking of me saying ‘it’s not like there’s anything I can do about it’? Or to the sound of me peeing or burping or whatever? I sure don’t know. I’m correct to think your spying is gross, by the way. It’s horrible- you don’t need to do that, it’s illegal, and a lot of other reasons. I really hope you’re not using Jared Fogle as a role model- that’s not something anybody should sign on with. Come the fuck ON with that shit, DUMMY. Yeah, I clocked that- you keep thinking I’m stupid, jfc. Trying to fuck up and put me off for good? Because you’ve been doing a good job with that. I was trying to at least call out that it wasn’t so bad as it had been, for 2 days. Then John still had some eye-rolling bullshit to throw around about me being, among a fuckton of other things, a siren luring men to certain doom. Fuck you.

How is it this difficult for a person with your intelligence to stop posting your insults, spy reports, and bullying? After this long? Can’t not be an asshole to me any longer than two days, huh?
I said…




IT’S VERY SIMPLE:



-STOP LISTENING TO MY PHONE-













Amy said…
Why are you listening to my phone? Why are you tracking me?

Please stop. And please stop making fun of me.

Did you read all the emails I sent the County since last Tuesday and the bullshit they’ve responded with? I’ve been done playing the world’s game of Seeing How Much Pain You Can Withstand While Obeying Courteously. All of them can fuck their fake-ass game where they get to insulate themselves from people saying “No, that’s a bad idea”. They think they’re immune from being wrong. I hate being alive in a time where it turns out bullies win this much.

I like Kamala- she’s been working to promote women’s healthcare and abortion and she’s not afraid to call out bullshit.
Amy said…
Hello, love.
I hope you’re doing okay.
-hugs-
I still love you. Still miss you. Just very worn down over time from the demon doppelgängers who’ve persisted on BlueSky, and the spying/tracking. Would the demons persist in real life, if you saw me tonight? Are you worried about what you might do or say to me? Would they make you hurt me? Darling, why won’t you ever text me or try to communicate directly? Because BlueSky…I think you chose to use my phone number to spy on me *instead* of try to talk to me…and it’s so easy to bully me there you can’t not do it, it seems. Has BlueSky helped you, or has it mostly helped you get more pussy and be a jerk on the internet to me in multiples? I think you would do better with me in person, for a change. Being present with me would make all the internet doppelgängers irrelevant, and that’s as it should be. Try leaving all that garbage behind, because you don’t need to hide behind anything. You keep forgetting how much I love you. Do you still love me?
Do you want to see me again and make this happen?
Or not-?

You probably already know this, but I’m going to try to get on disability with Social Security. I’d get about $1800 a month of disability and I might also be eligible for SSI, so I might get another monthly $500 or so.
Part of the requirement is that you haven’t been able to work in a year. The thought of walking into a new work setting and learning new people, new structures, new processes, being under pressure to be productive and showing the bosses I’m not only performing well, but also growing and improving, jfc…it all still fills me with more anxious dread.
Please don’t make fun of me with ‘She Works Hard for the Money”. Change the setting in that video to a county library in a historically conservative Civil War racist lynching town, where so many people resent and mistrust educators, and still hate the government because of Reconstruction, Civil Rights, a Black president, and having to acknowledge that gay people exist and deserve rights. I’d like to move elsewhere, I keep considering it, because I’m so angry at this place. I’m glad the teacher Marietta schools fired is suing their asses with the GAE. I sure hope I made some good trouble at the county for that bullying and conniving library director (who I suspect is Republican and possibly never even believed Covid was a threat, from what I witnessed). Those 3 Admin biddy-buddies have largely hidden safety & security problems from the county and run off any staff who might make them look bad. They all need to fuckin retire already, ffs, they’re all older Boomers. I hope I included someone at the county she isn’t already friends with and horrified the right person. Maybe. Who knows. I hope so, because working under that shit was a mindfuck and a half. She advocates for better library pr, not to make anything better for staff, who have more demands on them now than ever. But she’s ignoring it, she thinks we should all just be grateful to even have a job (a common refrain from superiors when we’d complain about something valid). She wouldn’t even admit that libraries are under enormous pressure, in front of the people who are supposed to help us and back us up.

Hey, how come I don’t get your phone number? I gave you mine, and you promptly used it against me, handsome. I wouldn’t have done that to you- you know that. Don’t be so afraid of not having an unfair advantage over me. Balance of power isn’t a weakness or liability. One person doesn’t have to dominate the other to exist comfortably in the relationship. Having adult playtime fun with domination is one thing, but you can’t seem to keep from trying to dominate and manipulate me on the internet.

If you’re willing and able to control your urge to dominate me as a person, I wouldn’t be surprised if it would make dominating me sexually that much more enjoyable, in my opinion. Thoughts? Comments? Plans?

You nuthatch

: )
Amy said…
Wanna tell me what exactly you meant by reposting Lil Donny Fuckface disgracefully mocking the disabled reporter, right after I told you I’m going to go on disability for mental illness? After struggling for over a year and a half?

I’m not performing my life for anyone’s approval or amusement, no- not even yours.

You can’t even control yourself enough to not hit “post” or “repost” on shit like that? Right now? To me?

Wouldn’t you agree that’s some disappointing, insulting, and ugly bullshit from you that I sure don’t need?

Goddamn your impulsive will to hurt me that you keep indulging.
Amy said…
You honestly can’t keep from posting or saying hatefulness like Donny making fun of a disabled man, in order to make fun of me and what happened to me?

Talk about disabled…you’re missing a conscience, for one fucking thing. Kinda glaring.

Do you think that’s fun?
Or funny?

Are you glad you did that to me?

Do you think I deserved that?

You honestly can’t recognize assholery like that before you hit ‘post’? After all this time?

What the fuck do you want from me?
You want to just keep me as a ready victim to take your demons out on?

Again:

Fuck that noise.



Amy said…
Guess what: you’re the kind of person who has to be told that I deserve someone who won’t make fun of me for a disability.

You did that to me, now go live with yourself, because I sure won’t. Does Erica know the kind of awful shit you’re capable of doing?

You had one job, Lol - “don’t be an asshole to Amy”.
Nobody should have to fucking explain to you how hatefully you behave towards me.

Fuck off with your psychopathic & abusive ass, and fuck you for not controlling your urge to hurt me.

Nope.


Amy said…
Why should I let you touch me when you won’t stop hurting me?

It’s fucking stupid, and I’m not stupid, asshole.
Amy said…
Go ahead, brag about your rotten werewolf behavior you can’t control, revel in it. Do it for the rest of your life, let it eat you alive, let it chew up the people you love the most, don’t do a goddamn thing about it. All other people deserve what they get from you, don’t they- just because we exist. Nice people you’ve hurt deserve what they get, huh?

All your smarts evaporate when your werewolf shit kicks in, you know that, right? It makes you act really stupid, in addition to really mean. Tell me, why should I keep giving any attention to an alleged grown man who’s too gross to refrain from making fun of me for going on disability because I fucking have to. What a rat bastard. Why should I forgive you for any of your pain and burdens? Why should I do anything but ignore your mean & destructive punk ass? Fuck that- you can’t do one single fucking thing for me except hurt me, you loserwolf.

You don’t deserve a goodbye-
Amy said…
I knew I should not have paid one nanosecond of attention to you today, Trey. No matter what loving or benevolent posts some of your proxies put up, there’s always plenty of insults, bullying, and jokes about me there, too. And probably other people you’re fucking or have fucked in the past. And the accounts that may be real women you’re fucking, or just more proxies. You cast whatever reality you want, whether it’s true or not. When you get anxious, you think I’m the problem and you love to make me hurt. Did you get angry because I felt grief instead of romance at your nicer, non-bullying posts earlier today? Did you listen to me cry? I remember some post of yours, or a song you put up, that was accusing me of *not being romantic*.
Honestly. Come on.
Whether that’s an impression, or an accusation, or both: you’re not only wrong, you’re spectacularly off base. You missed the barn, son. You’re going to allege that about me, the woman you supposedly love, who was a 6th grade girl obsessed with Amadeus, Mozart, and all music?
Hey how would you be feeling right now if you found out some fucking asshole had been and was still spying on you in your home, constantly? Not only would I never do that even if I could, you know for a fact I’m not doing it. What makes you keep doing this to me? I’m not a Batman villain- you’re the one wearing all the costumes, & I’ve just been me. I chose the avatar I did for fun, not for real, you criminal. Who’s closer to being like a Batman villain- you or me? But why the FUCK are you so obsessed with roles, and forcing us into them? Does it feel like control or problem-solving? Because you shouldn’t be forcing me into your different molds. Put away the Creepy Crawler Maker- I know it’s fun, but we don’t do that to people. It hurts them, and it makes you act like a total asshole. Being a better person than that would help. You know better than to lash out at me because you’re scared. You’ve pretended to be several nice people who were capable of being thoughtful and kind with me, but I guess you can only do that if you’re also lying to me somehow, to feel more in control and confident about the whole thing.
Stop being a part of what’s been making my life so difficult, does that mean nothing to you?
Can’t you be good to me just because you love me?
That’s all I ever wanted to do for anybody- love them and be good to them.
If you think I’m scary and untrustworthy, that’s your own self-image you’re projecting on me. Not me. That’s what this is, so often. You won’t stop thinking I’m like you in that I’m a multi-faced liar. You know damn well I’m not. It seems like you also keep mistaking facets of my personality, my moods, and depression/anxiety symptoms as me ‘being untrustworthy’. That is a mistake, but it’s also pathological behavior and a reductive way to look at someone. Me telling you this is not me forcing you into a mold, btw, because I don’t have Cluster B behavior patterns that are actually harmful to others. How does it feel to know that the things you’ve done to me have made my mental health pain worse? Because you know that, right? You’re part of the reason I can’t get better. I’ve had a parasite I’m conditioned to not ignore, accommodate, and even please. Fuck that shit. I should be able to have privacy from people like you. I obviously don’t. Trey, fucking think about it- I have a goddamned cybersecurity professional with Cluster B pathology doing straight-up surveillance of me and my life. Can you not see how damaging that is to me and my mental health? How the fuck would you feel if you were me, goddammit?? I’m a person, I’m a woman, not your doll.
If you loved me, you wouldn’t treat me like this.
None of this would’ve happened.
You wouldn’t keep thinking I’m a threat, then hurt me. I get hurt for no reason every time.
I’m not a threat and I never have been. You assign me an imaginary threat level, then you start dealing out pain and judgement.
Wondering why I don’t spend nearly as much time on BlueSky as I used to?
Amy said…
Your spying and bullying both still suck.

Do better.
Amy said…
“…Juicy Fruit.”

: )

I love you.
Amy said…
Referring to MST3K’s running theme of apes doesn’t necessarily answer any of my MST3K questions, but that’s nothing new from you. In the mood for waffles, by any chance? Because with Paper Moon, the giallo lipstick woman, the lipsticked pig…after spying on me while I’m putting on makeup then referring to it…..it’s your typical shitty “Amy Sux” bullshit you’ve pulled so often, on top of the creepy spying thing. Sure, there’s Marilyn and Grace Kelly and all, but I’ve had more than enough of that cognitive dissonance combo platter. It’s like being in a restaurant and trying to eat something delicious the waiter just brought, but while I try to eat it, the waiter keeps punching me hard in the ribs. Kinda hard to give that experience a glowing review. You know what sucks? Your spying, your condescension, and your insults. I don’t care if you’re scared of me or not when you post mean and stupid shit like that, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because you’re acting like an asshole to me. Oh what, you forgot it would be a shitty thing to do to post a photo of a pig wearing lipstick? Having just watched me put on lipstick? You forgot?
Trey, if you can’t stop doing this same stupid shit, you should forget me.

Amy said…
Here’s a question: What’s the intent when you post things like comic book covers of Lois Lane and Superman getting married and that old ad with the big header about getting engaged?
I think you’re teasing me with those, personally.
Can’t say I appreciated the ‘Hillbilly’ bread label with the leggy podunk redhead woman on it. Since when was Brunswick, GA considered a bustling metropolis? I’m not ashamed of where I’m from, but when you claimed to be from Palm Beach our first night, I recognized it as a lie and a dodge, and briefly wondered why you did that. Were you ashamed, or something? Or just lying out of habit?
Anonymous said…


I wish there really was a boat somewhere, with you there, waiting for me.
So lovely.

I love you, and I wish that was real- not just a poetic image, not just a dream.

I wish you would treat me like I’m real,
like I matter to you.




Amy said…
https://youtu.be/Mxd5cYFFzGA?si=n8h0XCZfeoGhFZBi
Amy said…
Play that for Erica tonight while you’re fucking her, asshole.
(Comma optional)

I said…

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/spycatcher/201712/narcissist-or-psychopath-how-can-you-tell

Both- a Venn diagram overlap.
Not as violent as the extreme examples in the article, because you have more ability to control yourself enough to at least stay more covert. There’s not enough self control to keep from leaving reality out of fear, though. I don’t think you’re able to see me without those destructive delusions getting in your way. Delusions that I’m irretrievably stained and villainous, instead of being your long-suffering victim. A victim with emotional intelligence and intuitive ability, but I’m still your victim you want to dominate at all times.

You can’t interact with me comfortably because I understand what you are, and that makes you feel too vulnerable. That feeling triggers your delusions/psychosis about me. You can’t control it when you get triggered. And one thing that triggers you is *not* having an unfair amount of hidden control over a situation (which you’re so accustomed to).

I’m considering the tragic irony of a surgeon operating on Jonestown victims, oblivious to how much critical damage he and his wife had done (and will keep doing) to their troubled young son. A son who would not be a mass murderer, no, but would share character and personality traits with the ultimate perpetrator of the violence inflicted on those patients of his. How many traits did he and/or his wife have in common with that perpetrator?

You deserved better.

But so do I.

I’m not coming back to BlueSky.

Giving any attention to your accounts always equals more pain, and I can’t afford to waste my energy on that cycle anymore.
Especially when you’re still unable to recognize your own clear patterns. Even now, you still fucking lean into it when you want to hurt me. Like reposting malignant, mocking insults with several of your accounts, to *make sure* I see it, to *put me in my place*- powerless and suffering. You can’t keep your pathological drive to dominate me as a sexual scenario- THAT is what you really live “24/7”- dominating and manipulating anyone you “see” as a threat, who knows what you are.

Fuck you for being such a coward- you think you’re being rational, safe, circumspect, and keeping control over the situation by not talking directly to me…but you’re really convincing yourself to keep me shut away in my specimen box, and keep yourself out of any discomfort. Fucking gross.

Fuck off with that, and get the fuck of my phone.
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