Long

Just a smile would lighten everything
maybe a picture of you on my desk
and then unfold my day
the predictable pain cuts through
I look at you with wide eyes
I wonder about your tattoo
Why I had mine
Its
A paragraph
on my back
that lines me up with so many people from new york
to make a poem of human skin
a story known
only
to the writer


I dreamed I was awake
I should have known it was a dream
I am not a modern American shogun
I do not carry
A razor sharp katana
My enemies
Do not wonder, wide eyed, if they are actually cut
then slide apart before our eyes


Oh, but
Just for clever conversation
Didn't you tell me god was a man
born
from a carpenter's finger?
Didn't
armies rape
Israel
on their way to the Egyptian theatre
and then again
back to Rome S.P.O.R.C

L'insignificance

I think of brown skinned women
Damnatio Memoriae
Dust storms that take the paint right off my car
I think of a sunrise over Baghdad
My mind drifts as we talk
I smile
listening more closely that you could know
But not so closely that you can't tell if I'm faded

Things are easy to recognize
Against the barren Moonscapes of West Texas

I hear the sound of an indian sitar
and scottish bagpipes
Everyone dances
in unison

We line up around the world.
The word on my chest - or is it my back
a phrase on your breast
the sentence upon the skin of a man's arm
the comma on your side
two nipples line up to make punctuation
and tell our story
and its not very long
but it seems to find
open mind


We whisper to each other
A nurse in Nova Scotia, A wife in Calcutta.
A coder in Chicago. An Engineer in Wisconsin
When the night is still
I can hear the snow fall
Such a short time to be here
Such a long time to be gone
.. Tucson Arizona fur coated revolver (don't let me down).

One - U2

Making a List

This next few days are going to be tricky. I am not exactly focussed right now, if anything a bit de-focussed and missing the marks.

Last night was a good start though. There's something I've always wanted to do, but there was a meeting running in the same room and so finally I just walked into the meeting and started working. I kept in mind that I am not going to worry too much about what people think of me as long as I am getting the job done.

The first step is always with me to make a list and I am putting it off. I am still not sure all of this can be won. But I am going to try.

Go here for something useful. Good clip. She always says the same thing when she posts them "oh, posting clips is lazy blah bla" but wow what a good clip.

And yes, I don't know her. But I've read her a bit. She's one of the ones that sometimes does something cool. IMHO she is only self deprecating because she's insecure about herself and likely surrounded by bozos. Suburbia .. does... things to people. But. Then. Whatever. Don't know her. Kinda sad isn't it.

I am busy making a list. And getting out a calendar. Whats up with you?

The slow realization

I had a slow, painful realization today that basically everything that is wrong in my life (mostly work related, some personal stuff) is something that I can fix.

This is a very important realization for me. It came after I sort of accidentally dropped into a game of WoW in the late afternoon, didn't have anything scheduled and the kids came home. The run was through a place called Shadowfang Keep. I was playing Horde. As usual I was doing a pretty good job. I say this in humility, I have done a great job with my avies and toons - had them do all kinds of fun things. A grown man playing with dolls.

And so we are in an instance, as a group - and I am dawning as we are working through this instance - that I am handling some complicated dynamics here. Our group was low (meaning we were easily killed).

This is that halflight of the day , that time when people who actually have a life, meet on their porch. Have a drink. Talk to friends. Things like that. And I am an undead warlock. And I am taking second in command on the group, and tanking for them.

As usual, I'm pretty happy. I really enjoy the focus the game offers. And our group ends up making it all the way through, to this amazing battle sequence - just insane sequence inthe end. We won.

This is almost the time when the lights came on. I knew that I was playing to avoid doing anything useful because I was afraid I was going to fail. But I still didn't realize that I was actually winning anything. I tell myself I play WoW to delete my sex drive (which it does, sort of.)

So this is a story in two parts. First, it struck me of the magnitude of how much, that I could fail. Thats important - I realized the stakes of the game (in real life) that I am playing. And in that fel instant I realized how afraid I was of failing. Both personally and professionally.

I am seriously dropping the ball. That was the thought that I have been having this week. And then I realized.

No. I am trying to throw the ball away to keep from getting tackled in the endzone.

And then for the first time, honestly in almost a good solid year - a hole seemed to appear in the defensive line. And if I run through it... I just might have a chance for a first down. Not a touchdown but a first down. And I am going to get hurt. They are going to tackle me.

And I am not a defensive end. I am going to make crunching sounds when they hit me. And they're going to mob me.

If you could only know how slowly it dawned on me. That I have this one small chance. I am still not sure exactly what to do. Tonight we go to church, partly because I am doing acoustics and computer work for them, partly because the kids love this wednesday night dinner - but mostly because I want to sit down somewhere and ask a question of myself.

I have picked a very, very hard research topic. I have a small angle into it that might work. The kids are all over me, but thats an excuse. I use everything as an excuse. Half the time I am telling myself I will ebay my Triathlon bike and pay for everything and life will be fine. Truth is .

I can still only barely see the light at the end of the tunnel. And it might be an oncoming train. Funny. I write this in the dying light of a day that , frankly - wasn't that productive.

I have to keep things in order. God. Family. Work. And right now. Maybe I see daylight. Even as the sun slowly sets.

This is the slow realization. I might just be able to pull it off. I am making a list.

I will hit that list and it won't be pretty. A QB just barely making it through the line of defense, not like a running back with the ball. It will look like someone desperate. Because I am. That is where my focus point is. I need to get my work going, my projects and code shipping and this damn business launched.

Win one, then another. No touchdown pass. If they're open, fine. But. Just make first down. Stay in the game. Lets go do this thing.

Life is not a game.

Cherry Darling

From the new Quentin Tarantino Film (Double Feature) - Note the bullet wound in her left side.

Blu-Ray wins!!

Ok, folks. HD DVD has now officially gone the way of the BetaMax format. Blu Ray wins! Toshiba just withdrew their manufacturing support for HD DVD .

Now as soon as those South Korean HD panel factories start kicking into high gear and the price of trillium drops, we will have a really killer system on the way. Yay!

Choir in the yard
in the house next door
where a grandma brought
some songs from the shore

Six foot girl gonna
sweat when she dig
stand close to the fire
when they light the pig
standing in her chinos shirt pulled off clean
Got a tattooed tit
Say number 13

The Pixies

Digital Love - Daft Punk

Implicit Bias

This is a personal bias test, that uncovers your hidden bias as to whom you, if you were voting in the primary - would vote for - and it covers all of the candidates. .

I found this during my morning perusal of good blogs that I occasionally read, and I really liked it so thank you to my favorite bitch and pls. enjoy.

Cleaning House

I am cleaning house and not in a nice way. I am going after things that have been buried under piles of other things for six months.

I have a steam cleaner for the carpets. I bought a new mop for the hardwood floors. I have a V-shaped razor blade hook thing for the caulk lines in the bathroom.

I have nailed the kitchen, getting stuff that was on the hardwood floor for almost a year. Polished the tables. Cleaned the windows to the kitchen and the adjacent sunroom.

The kitchen is spotless. Gleaming. Ready to be trashed again but hey. There was a stack of 4 chairs there in a part of the kitchen that should have been gone a long time ago. They are now in the garage.

In the process I emptied out alot of old dried beans that were for some reason or another kept in the original bag . I emptied them out into the big old glass jars with the old time metal clasp locks. And I thought - wow. I never cook indian food - looking at them made me hungry for my wife's fare.

This was her kitchen. And she was a great cook. Very consistent, very careful and above all she could do wonders with almost anything. She would ask me what to cook for a night , which always caught me a bit by surprise - she thought things out in advance. She's been in India now for nearly two and a half months, and we will be apart for six months. We will all come over to her in the summertime, and so I am one of two cooks in the house, and currently the only one old enough to use a kitchen knife. It doesn't mean I actually use a kitchen knife but I do have my moments at actually cooking well. I even measure things out occasionally.

But my wife would measure and cook , for what seemed like hours - she could cook Thai, Indian, even French food. I think that part of her personality was what endeared her to the wine people we know - that same meticulous attention to something you are ultimately going to consume, is a trait that they appreciate. Hint: Try Toad Hollow if you can find it. Its a very rare vintage and a California Wine Industry Insider's pick. (you will love finding out who runs the vineyard too - read the label carefully if you can find a bottle.) We go years between glasses, never drink beer - don't smoke or do drugs, but we both love wine and food.

And so I am remembering - how sick I once was, and how quickly her cooking made me better (Thom Kha Gai vs. Influenza, and I bet influenza hasn't forgotten the score yet).

And so I am thinking.. should I re-organize the kitchen. No way. But it didn't stop me from taking the food out of the bottom half of the fridge and scrubbing it and then putting it all back in.

So now the kitchen is done, and part of the living room. My daughter cleaned her room - and affixed to her ceiling the picture of the United States, lights at night - that satellite photography where you can see all the cities glowing from space? Its above her bed. And her room is absolutely spotless.

But my sons room. .... Does anyone remember the last line of the film "Apocalypse Now?". Ok.

I took Richard Scarry's biggest book ever and I made the biggest gak scraper ever. I scraped his stuff up into a pile in the middle of his room and then we sorted it out. He has been "cleaning" his room by piling stuff up under his bed and his dresser drawers.

About 30 percent of the pile still remained after he, my daughter, and I sat there in the middle of the room teasing usable stuff out of it. Then I cut it into threes and said, ok. Find something useful. Everything else goes.

Then I scooped all that was left, broken toys mostly - and threw it away.

Our upstairs is now ready for the steam cleaner.

In the end, this is sort of a nesting instinct thing. Its really almost nuts. Pent up energy. I re-potted the ficus tree in the living room and the big tropical tree next to the tiffany knock-off floor lamp.

Ok. So now here's the joke from church. Read it while I get back to housecleaning. ( rolls up his sleeves ..)

How many Christians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go off and on at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old bulb was.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light bulb is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb or tulip bulb. A church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring a bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review the church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish: What's a light bulb?

The Implicate Order

There was a person named David Bohm, that I remember from school. One of his favorite things to do was to take a cylinder of clear glycerine and place three small dots of dyed liquid in them, or five, or whatever. A series of dots.

He would hold up this cylinder,and show you the dots. Then he would spin the cylinder and the dots would disappear. And he would say, there is order here but you can't see it. And then a few seconds later the dots would appear again in sequence. That is implicate order.

I came back home from "No Country for Old Men" last night very aware of the home that I live in - the life that I have been living.

I bought my father a copy of Cormac McCarthy's other book (he has a few, all of which are probably very good - I have read "The Road" and now only seen "No Country for Old Men") - called "The Road".

It was a christmas gift, sent late. And it was never given to him. My step brother gave him the same book for christmas and he read it and enjoyed it. I asked him if he'd already read it and he gave me a blank look. We found the book with the rest of the presents that had not been given from me and my family that year.

I was very proud however that we found it but for some reason my father's blank look continued that day and then later I found the book torn to bits by the dog. It was a detached look that he sometimes gets - my father is an avid reader - it let me know that one way or another , he really liked the book but he was slightly annoyed that I had given it to him late. Sometimes when we really want someting, we become keen about all the details. Things become clear.

So I remember the way the book looked. Torn.

A few nights ago, one of my kids came home with one of his friends having borrowed his library book. I asked if he'd gotten it back and he said that his friend had said to him that he would get his book back if he gave him some candy. I got the kids in the car at that instant and drove over to the kid's home. His mother met me at the door. I asked politely if she had seen a library book. She had not and at the door the little one - who had been having trouble with the alphabet song (he's a kindergartener that rides the bus with my son) - sang the alphabet. He and I had been working on it. And I mentioned to his mother in quiet what had been said while they took off looking for the book. We got a clarification from the little boy.

He's bright, but very inclined to take things apart. He's not doing well in school - he's kind of unable to focus for a long time. He has speech impediments that make him want to skip the first of two consonants put together.

My son likes him. Every time he comes over something gets broken. I have learned to be aware and I made the decision that either I would isolate my son from this boy or simply help him along. So I chose to help.

But there was no question of what I was going to do when I heard the deal. There are things like that, I suppose in all of us. Things that can be done. Or said. That will have an immediate impact on us.

They are there. We can't see them. But they are there. And like David Bohm's implicate order - they also have a sequence to them. A sequence of ideas, or thoughts - or events. Triggers.

I have been thinking and writing for a while about the trigger sequence that occurs between a man and a woman. But one of the reasons I really like Cormac McCarthy - and perhaps also the message my father picked up - is that McCarthy isn't really interested in sex. For Cormac, there are things that a man will do with his life first before he will get laid. Almost as if getting laid falls out from being an alpha male. Thats likely the way it is.

In the last scenes of "No Country for Old Men" there is a woman by a poolside - the only reference to sex in the entire movie. She calls over the protagonist to visit her and have a beer. The only other time he had a beer was when he had tried to walk into the border of mexico and used it for a cover. And the protagonist is at an Inn , in El Paso, where he knows he will likely meet a murderer.

I have enough respect for anyone who hasn't yet seen the film to avoid piecing together the ending of "No Country for Old Men". But I will say thats about as far as it goes for sex and beer and all of that shit. A brief flash of a girl by a pool with two beers sitting next to her calling out to the protagonist "I have more beer in my room, come have one with me". "I'm married" (shows his ring)

"Well you can come over here and have a beer with me, sportsman (the guy is carrying his sawed off shottie in a riflebag) and stay married ". ... "No man, because I know what happens. One beer means another beer" ... and then she smiles and sets the beers out next to her by the pool.

Last night was a night like that for me. For the first time in 15 years of marriage I was alone, didn't have the kids around or the wife. Actually my wife isn't even in the country.

I went to go see a movie that I had wanted to see for a long, long time. Almost every beautiful girl can attract a man if she wants. But I live by a code. And I coldly realized that I am more like the antagonist of the film - than the protagonist. I am the one who would sew up his own wound if he had to. Who would singlemindedly pursue something or someone until I have found them.

We all want to identify with the good guy. I never chose, in the end, to be a bad guy. But if I am. Then I had better get my life in order. I noticed quietly that the bad guy has more work to do. And he has to run - everywhere he goes. He has to be wary of anything and anyone. But he also has to be clear enough to let the fear dissolve and get the work done.

In the film the message is pretty clear. Unsettling. Its a coen brothers film - the best that they have ever done. If you remember "Fargo", there is a connection. But it is distinct. And for you to figure out.

I have always loved the relationship between the two characters in the other Coen Brothers film "Raising Arizona". It was slightly kinky, but definitely understood. They knew they were the right people for each other from the day they had met each other. And there were alot of people who were going to disagree with them. He was a convict. She was a police officer. Her name was Ed.

All they wanted was a baby. So they stole one.

In "No Country" the same sort of relationship exists. Another of the final scenes shows his wife - we are never told explicitly that the main character dies - thinking of her own husband. The bad guy tells her that he must keep his promise, and kill her. We are there in the room with a man who is going to murder a woman. He offers her a coin toss. And she says "No. It doesn't matter. You will decide. Its not the coin"

And then he quietly informs her that her husband precipitated her death because he could have ended it all when he gave him an option to simply give up. And he didn't. She disagrees with him, saying that her husband was better than that.

And again, in respect of one of my favorite Authors, I can look away at this point and leave out details. You will have to figure out for yourself if what the evil guy says is true or not. Or even whether or not she lives. Thats your thing.

My thing is that in all of this there seems to be an order to the events. One that we can't see, that drives us onward to fate. But what is really interesting about this, is also the same thing behind that glycerine cylinder demonstration. A simple spin of the cylinder clockwise. Or counterclockwise. Gives the same result. Like a circle. It doesn't matter which way you rotate it, its spin invariant. It will be the same.

What is great about it is that there are some parts of it, still that we can change. Things that we can do to make things right. We need to keep focus. We don't have to be evil.

But in the end. This is America in the 21st century. Maybe it will take a little bit of luck. But the thing I hope you take away from it all is that you need to keep your focus and get what you need, done. Done.

The dots have spin into strands so thin you can't see them. The rings circle in the the clear liquid. They will reappear and when they do they will be in the same order as they were before.

And then everyone gets hit by a giant gleaming Peterbilt. The end.

Freak on a Leash - Korn

The key issue now for Obama

Poll in Texas came out today, it was like. Clinton 49, Obama 40 and the Wisconsin polls (for which the contest is only 4 days away) is 47 to 40 Obama.

People want to fall in behind a winner at this point. They do not want a big giant freaky convention with the whole super delegate intrigue. Add to that Obama picked up 12 and Clinton lost 3 on that score, and what is happening is what I predicted. Namely, that the superdelegates just aren't a big factor. They are going with the popular vote.

So what may happen is Wisconsin may break to Obama, thats a really competitive race right there. I would offer that if Obama can take Wisconsin it is going to be harder for Clinton to come forward.

The key issue now for Obama is for him to get very simple and direct and eliminate the one key issue left that amongst the people who are really going to the polls in primary - are going to divide against. That is national healthcare.

Obama's plan is a kind of strange frankenstein's monster of progressive ideals and platitudes. Clinton's plan is simple: make the Federal Employees Health Benefit Plan, scale up so that everyone can qualify for it.

That makes sense to the average voter. They can connect the dots. They can understand what happens next. There are also alot of people out there who have some kind of coverage, and thats ok too. But imagine what it would mean to their premium if there were an 800 pound gorilla on the block, stomping on prices. The big pharma and the overmedicators do not want that - they want "Sicko". But if the feds get into it they will definitely steer the game towards a price market that makes sense. Look, if you don't believe me - try this little hospital puzzler - go to your local hospital and ask them. "Hey, I need a cat scan. How much is it." Blank stare. Then "Well, what is your provider" and then you say .. "Oh, I just wanna pay for it".

Its fun watching the smoke come out of their ears. Everything is so effed up pricewise. Why? Because its all crooked - doctors are sending out lab work to firms that are doing the work and giving the doctor a margin on it after the billing is banked to the insurance company. The insurance company is losing out. The patient is losing out. Everyone loses except a crooked pair of people in the chain. Oh, and lets not just leave it there. The hospitals? All have coded in discounts so that if one provider is trying to charge X for a procedure, then - you end up with 40% + X billed so that they end up getting their "price" which is not public information - because they suspect you are a spy with Humana.

And new studies suggest Americans are overmedicating. Which wouldn't surprise me. What is viagra, some kind of sick joke? Do I need to take a pill? Give me a break.

No. In the end, the healthcare system needs a coherent connect-the-dots approach to a federal entity , more than a so called "free market" approach. Premiums are up 87% in the last 10 years, and over 400 acquisitions have been made giving three companies nearly all of the the market (about a good solid score over a third). There is no competition or fairness in standard oil. Only the kind of weird stuff we've been seeing , like in the movie "Sicko" by Moore. Just sad. People are leaving our country just to get healthcare. That doesn't make sense, but its true. And if you're smugly sitting there saying "I have a great policy" ask your goddamn employer what they think of paying off your fucking premiums.

So what does Obama do? Simple. He makes one point. He lets everyone know that the Federal Program that is now running the health plan for congress, will be the one running his plan when he gets into office. People GET the idea that you can add a single Terabyte harddrive and add 200 million accounts and still have 300 Gigs of storage left over for youtube clips of Thomas Jefferson waterskiing on the Potomac or something.

But just be clear. Let them know thats what is going to happen. Not some kind of 'exchange' or 'intermediate' 'saves you money' program. McCain is going to go for letting the big dogs get bigger and go national, so the 'saving you money' angel isn't gonna work in the general.

And if Obama figures out that he can start running his general now, by doing that one thing then the mantle of victor will be placed upon his shoulders like the bright steel of a king's sword. And America will see a new Thomas Jefferson who really can ski the potomac.

Principles of Lust - Enigma

Three Days on an Island

My daughter was working on an essay last night, and she started it off by asking me to read her first para. I did. It was junk. I told her so.

In retrospect, I could have been kinder. But I wasn't. And she got the message. Now, its really important when you give criticism to be very clear about what you really want to see. And , for me at least, I have to keep an image in my mind of the ideal case. That is, I pictured her, in a flash - writing a great essay. Somehow that came out. Thats important because thats where I really center with whomever I am working or playing with - I really enjoy visualizing the end of the trip at a good place.

But I told her. Her entire approach is trashed. She started out with "If I were on a desert Island I would experience many wonderful things". I turned to her and said.. ok... tell me precisely what they asked you to write an essay about. Give me their exact words . Now, this may sound like you are being a jerk. And maybe you are, a bit. But so what. I had to hear it. Thats the kind of person that I am. I wanted to listen, very intently to exactly what the teacher asked her to do. And so my little Straight A student said, exactly what the teacher said.. " Suppose you are on a desert island, stranded for 3 days. Write an essay about your experience." ...

So I turned to her (while I was, of course, playing WoW) and I said .. "So, why are you trying to assume what they have asked you to take for a given? You're already on the island! Just start from there. " She tried to rewrite her first paragraph, from "What if" to "I wonder what if" or something like that.. and I just told her, no. Throw the entire paragraph away.

Then she closed her eyes.. and started again. "Day one. I find myself on a desert island.." . It was classic.

She was about halfway through the essay and she turned to me in exasperation and said "I already have two pages, and I am not even on day two yet." and I just smiled at her and said "keep going. its good". Then , she gave it to me when it was done. I sort of read it, and didn't read it - for edits. Pointed out that she had written in a convention ... she used italics to indicate her thoughts . So I told her she didn't need to set that off with commas.

Then, when it was done. We all climbed up into my big english bed and we snuggled together and I read her story to us all and it was great - there were the lines that made me and my young son sleepy (I had been very sick for the last two days..) like ...

Day 2: I awoke with a start. Where am I? I pondered on it for a minute and then I remembered the tragic accident that happened yesterday. I stood up and walked outside. I grabbed the canteen and went to get some fresh water. After that task was fulfilled, I snatched the spare clothes and changed inside the cave. Then, I lit a fire and started to cook some eggs. While waiting for the eggs to cook, I washed my clothes in the river, and then hung them up to dry on a tree. I took the eggs and put them onto a smooth, clean stone. After I ate, I searched for food. As I was walking, I saw something rustle in the leaves. I stopped. Then, I heard it again and it was in the same spot. I started to move towards it. I pushed my way through the trees and came out into a clearing. I looked around, and caught sight of a horse! I walked over to it, talking to it soothingly. It looked very sad and worn down. I pulled up some grass and offered it to him. He took it willingly. Sitting next to it was a saddle, a bridle, and a bow and arrow with a quiver. I saddled and bridled him swiftly and before I got on him, I grabbed the weapon. I spent the rest of the day riding and hunting, and by the end of the day, I was exhausted. I had caught two bucks and I had mapped out most of the island. I fell asleep as soon as my head touched the ground.

It ends with a modern day conquistadore - and the sound of a faraway engine drawing near.

I slept so hard I felt like I had been shipwrecked on a desert island and had fallen asleep on a hardrock cave floor..

Bird of Prey - Fatboy Slim

I'm playing with it

For some reason, the paperback novel "Prey" by Michael Crichton seems to be a silly toy for my seven year old son. He throws it in the air and laughs "I'm playing with it!".

Tonight at tiger cubs we had a cannonball. The kids would head out into a course with made-up cardboard boxes on them, to the fuel station, through the car wash and on towards the pit stop where they had to change tires (take off their shoes and put yours on). It was a riot.

When we were making his car I looked down and noticed he'd written "Cub Oil" on the side. We circled it. Sponsored at age 7. And he took third place. I think he should have gotten second, since second place actually crashed.

But I put him out with a fire extinguisher. Meanwhile my daughter is beginning to get heavily into "Eragon". Its fun to casually remark, as a matter of fact that dragons are born blue .."But they turn red as they get older". Her eyes get wide. She really does suspect there is still magic in the world.

If two numbers are even, say, a, and b. Prove that a+b is even.

That was the problem they opened with, in numerical analysis. Proofs are a sort of play to the people I went to school with. How much has math been a part of me. And how much have I changed. I had to work at it. It takes a long time. How really dedicated to the problem . How long it has been until that still small voice said within that you're ready. You are finally ready. And that light will spread once it is brought into the world. How wonderful to be there when it happens.

And I have finally learned how to sing. I miss my wife. I hope she is well. I heard she was teaching.

The rain is falling now. I will go downstairs to read with my little ones. And my son is not allowed to throw my book into the air and say "I'm playing with it". We will smile. He's got a book he's reading for his A/R. And my daughter is upstairs poring over stories of Dragons written by sixteen year olds.

I'm playing with you. And everything around me. My mind. My life. The lives of my children. And its alot of fun. Its serious play. Focussed, hard play - almost driven to the point that for some it seems as if its not. But it is.

I miss you.

Direct Democracy

Democracy has changed thanks to blogs. In the old days there was a smoke filled room. Now everything is out in the open.

But it is a long race ahead of us to actual, direct democracy. Obama is a start. Having chaired the ethics commitee. And being relatively free of lobbyist ties (as/opposed to the clintons - who are now running around all over the place trying to make the superdelegates their pals). In fact, Obama is a great start. Look today for a huge win amongst the super-cool people who live in the DC area.

When I run triathlon I hit these walls sometimes.. I get this dread feeling.. like maybe sometimes the harder you hit the worse off you are. I think thats what its like right now for the opponents of direct democracy. They are subtle in their ways, to be sure. Many of them masquerade as "friends" of the movement. But they're not.

Does anyone remember when the Govt. of Burma (a military industrialist oligopoly) tried to shut down dissent and shot the priests? The camera phones broke out and the images were up on blogs all around the world in no time. The blogs changed that debate. The government tried to shut off all internet access. I remember - being in Atlanta, and despite the best efforts of the Burmese government - seeing the images of the government coming down on the priests. It didn't work.

The reason is because membrane of oppression is permeable to simple truths. And technology like SL and the Blogosphere are catalysts for the discovery of truth. And science. Genetics is being revolutionized by the net. You can download entire sequences like software code. Isn't that cool? If you could download a new part of yourself what would it be? But that aside - like everything it touches, the cool parts of us all are being brought out by the net.

Technologies like second life also help with copyright issues. We really need to explore a viable copyright system in light of the RIAA's failures to restrain downloads - and the sort of proto-napster thing thats going on. Free work is not good for the artist. I like the way copyright works in SL - for a software professional , setting "no copy" is like a dream come true some times. There is alot in legislation and government that is slowly sorting itself out with the help of the blogosphere.

We're on a path to Direct Democracy. Lets see if Obama can pull it off for the Democratic nomination. Fun to see who McCain will pick. But in the end, you're probably here or somewhere else on the web to do your homework. I mean sure, there are people who use this stuff for kinky sex but they're probably not getting much. Those who know do not say ...

The participation levels are off the charts - and mostly due to the internet savvy Deaniacs that have mobilized into the electorate. The democrats outnumber the republicans, at the polls 14 to 6. Better informed voters. Better decisions. More involvement. You.

Today's wins in the Washington area for the Obama campaign +will+ come about for three reasons.

One.
Obama is running an internet campaign, and listening to his constituents. (we should be testing this right now, with the issue of national healthcare - its a huge, huge issue and obama is dead wrong on it. if he wants to win the big delegate states he'd better get on the ball - we shall see... said the blind man)

Two.
Virginia and Washington are extremely involved, strong places for people who are relatively independent - in their thought. Which is also good for the country - and they are breaking for Obama.

Three.
Finally. It seems as if we, as a country, are going to grow up and elect someone who will do the will of the people. And not the lobbyists.

The main obstacles to direct democracy are spam, crosstalk and people who jump into spaces like SL to try to create aristocracies. It doesn't matter. In 10 years, we'll have direct democracy. Until then vote for Obama. =)

Let it Be- The Beatles

WTP about Super Tuesday

Ok this is my last whorish top post (WTP) about Super Tuesday. But I wanted to draw out a couple of other cool things that happened.

The california counts are coming in and Obama drew strong numbers in the high population districts and so that means that we've got two interesting facts.

First, he won more states than Hillary. Second, now, according to the count - he won more delegates. Ok, if you include superdelegates Hillary is on top but - if you included superdelegates in the count - she would have also been winning after Iowa so, in my own little world I am going to just go with the national delegates you can win, ok.

I guess why I really work out there - is because I know that soon genetics will change the structure of society and I am trying to nail down concepts that are hard for me to understand. Polyamory, Origin of life, molecular networks. That kind of thing. I didn't do too badly in lattices when I was in college. I usually find that I can approach these biological things going on with a kind of stable eye.

So, here's the punchline for all of you out there into polyamory.

Politics effects social change, in large measure. Who we pick as president also determines, to a degree, the direction our society is travelling towards. I think if we vote for change in this election - we might just be ready for it when it actually comes. In the meantime if I were you I would read that link and tell me what you think.

Super Tuesday Results

Georgia won by a large percentage, giving Obama 9 delegates. This is significant because right now the race yesterday is so close that every delegate will count. To give you an idea of how close , right now the entire state of california (with, like 400 delegates or something) is coming down to 18 delegates. Those 9 that Obama won here (his margin was way more than 10 percent) really count.

Obama is also winning his home field stronger, and taking more delegates there - He won Illinois by 30 percent - whereas Clinton only won NY by 15 percent. The way that delegates are assigned means that the actual delegate totals will work to Obama's favor.

McCain won the Republican Primary. He will now focus on the General Election although there are some states that he will have to barrel through to get there. Good for him.

California is a big deal right now, as is New Mexico where the two battled hard. Clinton came into California with a big lead and now its looking like she will not come away with the lion's share of delegates although shewon by 10 percent.The way she won is significant. Hillary polled well in big rural areas and the valley- (note to people who lived in California - thats right. ++ the vals ++ voted for Clinton!) - not as highly populated as the areas that Obama won. The way that delegates are awarded she's going to have a close delegate count out of California. In fact, nationally Obama vs. Clinton was just slightly edged in her favor, by fraction of one percent. (think it the popular vote ended up 49.8 to 49.1). The way that the delegates will count - if Obama gets within 20 delegates split out of california - which is to say if the massive electoral prize of California in the end only yields 18 additional delegates to Clinton, then the game will truly be on between them and Obama's slight lead will now trade hands.

This isn't momentum for the Clinton campaign, however, but it is something to be proud of. She lost far too many states that she was supposed to lead + in the end, she is battling Obama much harder than a front runner should. It does however suggest that as goes California, so goes the USA. And the Clinton campaign has shown that they want to grift votes out of every place that they can, for example - trying to shut down Nevada from mobile caucus sites - and getting the states whose delegates were sanctioned away to count even though not everyone was on the ballot.

The only things that might change it are the two rapidly approaching, and unfolding contests in some of the southern states. No rest for the wicked.

Yes We Can - Barack Obama AMV

Delivering Ga. for Obama

I've worked hard to get Obama into good position in my state. This is an extremely conservative state, that tends to vote republican in almost every general election. And yet Obama has been the most workable candidate I have had the pleasure of supporting in nearly eight years. The man has taken more money from small donors than any other democratic candidate in history - using the internet. He is free of lobbyist influence. Thats a huge plus.

But what he can really do is get people talking to each other again at Thanksgiving dinner tables and over morning coffee.

There has been an extreme sense of division visited upon our country in recent years. Being an independent forces you to question issues - anathema to those who would have you sign loyalty oaths at rallies, or screen out questions that were "too controversial" and for all the others , deliver pre-made answery. News-media-entertainment "reporters" would pretend to interview our president or vice president and pointedly ignore questions than 80% of America wants to know about. Then there were the 20% of Americans, identified by a disposition to get their news from an entertainment source such as the one I mentioned - that actually believed WMD's were found in Iraq.

We have become the least informed, and best entertained people in the entire world. And if you haven't noticed - there are people who have been in power for far too long who are either noticably lame duck or poisonous to our systems - all the way down to the family level.

Obama's promise is simple. Our Moment is Now. California , the largest state in today's contest - may have a surprise for us.

Speaking for Georgia, that division exists strongly. Rural townships resent the constant drain of resources to the city of Atlanta. The strongly conservative base there holds a strong dislike for Senator Clinton.

And there was never any debate about whether or not this was about Women, or Race. That was something that the Clinton camp tried to get off the ground in South Carolina. Bill acknowledged that he made a mistake there. This is about who can lead the country best.

There are people in my state that will simply never vote for Hillary Clinton. And if she is elected honestly I am not certain that she will stop the smirking and self satisfied complacency that exists in my family's St. Simons and Sea Island political discussions. In fact, I believe it will be the opposite.

I believe Obama will take Georgia , and their large Sun-Belt delegate count by more than 10 percent today. I have simply worked at the grassroots level to make this happen. I will get invited to the victory party.

January 20th. 2009. The last day of the Bush Administration. Our moment is Now.

H - Tool [300 AMV]

Sold the Horse!

Alright here's the deal. I really got the stablemaster miffed at me for what looked to be a really innocuous wrongdoing. There were three bales of hay there in the barn and I normally keep my hay up there out of the way in the loft.

I had been stacking my hay in a small red woodshed in the upper paddock so my mare can have breakfast up there without me dragging bales all over the world.

Well. I had stacked quite a few there, and a few in my tack room and I had three left over. Now, I had bought 10 bales of hay for a friend and sold it to them in their hay room and they were fine with me stacking my hay there and that was the plan. But it was a shared room, actually the people were co-op on that room and as things stood I was not cleared to stack three small bales of hay in that room by the other two there. Actually one of them was the mayor.

So the guy complained. He's a dude thats about sixty and has a wife of about 30 and thats just the kind of guy he is. I'm not that impressed with him, to tell the truth. But there you have it. Oh, he's got the tattoos and the motorcycle and the big muscles. To be sure. But I am quick. and much more ruthless. It was going to come down to that.

Now, there is nothing more pathetic than a 50 cent prostitute. This guy goes on and on about how bad it is for three (count them) bales of hay in his room to be there and how if there are any stolen that he will come lookin' to me and so one and so on. And I just tell him what I said here. I would not rip you off for 5.00. Honestly. I am not a thief.

Another thing that has been weighing on my mind is the fact that the horse will generate medical bills, and they will be expensive. Upwards of 4,000.00 for my friend. For one horse. In one season. So. In my minds eye, the stable master was comin' to me and say'in that he'd throw me out. And I just thought. Somewhere deep.

Pleease don't throw me in the Briar Patch. Now I am going to go break this 100 I have here on my desk befure I go do the deal, into twenties. And I am going to get 10.00 of it to a girl that helped me. Tip the stablemaster 20.00 .

And the best part? We get to ride that horse. Anytime we want. Because that was part of the deal. She will be a lesson horse. And so my daughter rides her through the week. And I will be damned if my daughter won't be taking lessons on the same horse either. This is going to be good news. And of course, the kids allowance starts back again today. That is going to be their surprise for being good all month long.

Score one more for Dad. Now I have about 2 hours more a day and the load off my mind is immense.. I am out of the horse business for good. Of course, my friend told me this before I got into it all and its been now about a year and a half of fun, but here is what I have learned:

Never put money into anything that eats while you sleep.

bow shock

Bow Shock by Gregory Beniford is so. cool. Its a short story about a radio astronomer who has discovered an object that is speeding across the plane of the sky - a simple story about the life of a scientist who gets blindsided by everyday life. Even if the thing that he's working on because turbulent it just makes him more curious about it. He follows it wherever it goes.

This short story also takes us farther into the life of the scientist than you have probably ever before been. How strange the feelings you can feel, standing at your girlfriends mercedes benz dealership where while you get your oil change, you can work on your putting game and drink latte. Are scientists second class citizens? Not enough "O.C."?

I think we tend to forget what happens in modern life. The lab rats are stillw orking away, they've chosen harder problems. Just as in "Prey" by Michael Crichton, there are moments when we can glimpse the vaudeville of their attempts to keep themselves funded. Nanotechnology still hasn't reduced the eart to gray goo. IBM spelled out in atoms on a circuit once - to show what can be done with molecular engineering - and the rest of the scanning electron equivalent of sideshow bob that would take an entire 9 hour day to spell out three letters - are usually relegated to the last page.

There was a time when even politics would touch upon some of these changes, if only to justify massive military budget expenditure.

But I am telling you, seriously. What is coming next will truly blow your mind. And that if I can, I want to work in this field. I will need to be sharper. I thank those of you that have helped me to become sharper.. I remember that inn grad school, I was more or less forced between a choice of mind. body. or soul. Pick two.

Out here. It seems that you have to pick one. Your body deteriorates exponentially around kids eating junk and keeping you in one place to watch them play. But I am wondering at this point what is the next best sacrifice. If the fedex arrives before the repo guy... =)

At the dinner table my son remarked that this friendof mine (I swear she's jsut a friend) would die soon. I said why. He said "because she's so old". "why do you have a friend who is so old, dad." and I told him. "we sometimes dont get to choose who is our friend and who is not. and besides, she's not that old." I was silently thankful that my wife wasn't there. Her inability to control her anger was legendary it welled up within her like poison and if even a friend of mine's name alone (she preferred to use the online name and never refer to her by her real name) were mentioned at the table - it would be lights out all over town. Tonight my daughter said "dad, why is it that your friends are all female". I couldn't answer. Godels paradox of relationships. Hey that reminds me. There's a domme somewhere that keeps a teddy bear. By the name of "paradox". She made her sub eat grass from the front lawn. He was a grown man. She said it was better than sex. God she is such a lamer.

In the final scene of a film "The Fountain" there is a man who suddenly understands that part of what he must do, to finish the story that his dying wife had left behind . Three timelines from 1500, 2000 and 2500. All as if they are all happening simultaneously - and all very simple. Two people dedicated to each other. And at the same time. She is beginning to lose feeling. She is dying. Through his tears he reads what she left behind for him.

He finally understands. In the far future, and then again. In the past. The bow shock draws out across the dying star and - like my friend's aim in life - when he goes he leaves a 50 foot schmear across the sky (well my friend wants to leave a stain on the concrete, but he is a bush republican. I am trying to get him to aim higher. lets see if he votes for Obama this year)

The image of the tree there within the sphere - is so vivid still in my mind. But so also is the image of the man, her mate. And his last moment.

In the beginning, god made two trees. The tree of life and the tree of knowledge. And after the fall he hid the Tree of Life was hidden from us.

The paperboy just drove by with a paper thrown on my driveway. I will have to turn to work soon. The india team will be up.

As in the short story, the approach to studying energy driven molecular networks or - Self organizing complex systems - there are two approaches - Rasmussen has chosen bottom up. As did, similiarly - the antagonist of "bow shock"

Craig Venter (a fellow surfer) chose top down. Surfers rule.

Um. Sorry. Did you know that there are females out there, who, if they were betty page - would say that if they were, they would have to spend their whole day fucking themselves? I would seriously like to meet them. Isn't gonna happen.

Ok. So anyway. Guess which organism he chose to build first. Come on. Think. What do guys think of all the time? I will give you a hint: its called Mycoplasma Genitalium.

Here's what I think they've both missed. Why is it that this organism, happens to be the simplest organism on the planet. Biologists see something and they get excited about it (ahem) but ... do we ask the question. Why is it that here, of all places - is to be found the simplest (517 genes total) organism.

While we're on the subject of tight, he's probably doing it on Dept. of Defense funding to be able to synthesize a life form that can suck CO2 down into itself and kick back out methane fuel. But don't whisper that too loudly. They might hear you.

The bottom line from the Top is that Venter succeeded in loading genetic code into a parent organism and using that organism to replicate his code. Yeah baby!

Yeah.