Steve Jobs / The Dream is Over

I had the strangest dream last week. And since then, recurrent nightmares. It was a dream in which I met Steve Jobs, and he told me a few simple things but more importantly he and I went through a ring of light and I saw the universe laid out before us and I was so happy that he spoke with me.

I was also happy that there was a beautiful girl sitting next to me in the auditorium where we met Steve after his TED Talk. But hey, this was my dream.

And after that point, recurrent nightmares all week. Strange ones. One of them - was a dream in which I felt that my life, my home, everything about me was a prison. Tonight , after work, I came home and fell asleep for a nap that ended up running from 6 pm until around 9. It was a dream that was about music. I was searching for a piece of music. And it was a dream in which there were monsters coming for me while I was searching. It was an odd, terrifying dream. One that wakes you with a start just as the zombies near.

And I woke, feeling very odd. I went downstairs and had a late dinner with my daughter, who had been video editing. I queued The Pixar Story, on Netflix - and we were watching Steve Jobs talk about Toy Story - and how - the first iteration of the film was kind of ugly and mean and all about insults. The character Woody was sort of rude and pushy and not altogether fun. It went on to explain how they had basically one chance to do it right - and they went into a rewrite, and rewrote the characters to be a warm, happy children's film. Steve's contribution was to make sure the computers that rendered the film were 24/7 up - they had only one shot to remake the film. Disney was disappointed and didn't want to produce the film and had told Pixar to lay everyone off, and shut down the project but running renders around the clock - the film was reborn and in its final iteration it was beautiful. Jobs knew that in order to grow the company from that point, he had to get Disney in as a 50/50 partner - and everyone agreed that as soon as the successful IPO finished, Steve Jobs maneuver to bring Disney in at 50/50, was a good one.

Then, while we were eating pizza and watching this - my daughter turned to me and said that Steve Jobs had died. She said she was on facebook, when she heard the news. I asked when. She said "I don't know"... then finally relented to around six.

The documentary about Pixar had morphed into a kind of loud, silly thing - and I shut it off. I sent my daughter to bed.

Quietly. Slowly. All the furniture in my house changed position. And Character. I saw all the detail. I knew then, as now. That the world had changed. A great man has passed into the Afterlife. Just as in the final scene of Good Will Hunting - we have come to his door. And he is now. No longer there.

I am taking tomorrow off. I'm not sure, exactly why. I plan to catalogue my software designs, finish up a few parts of things that need to be done - clean up all my drives - sort through and finish everything that needs to be finished. I am going to practice a song that I have long wanted to master. I guess it's my way, to remember Steve by getting my files in order - making backups, housecleaning. I know it doesn't make sense, but it just feels right.

Perhaps in order, I can find meaning. I don't know. I do know that dreams fade. With courage, nightmares end. And a coward will die a thousand deaths. A hero, only one.

Goodbye Steve.


Anonymous said…
new apple logo:
Anonymous said…

Nigel Marsh TED video, if you don't design your life, someone else will design your life for you....
I haven't yet seen the Nigel Marsh TED talk but I am going to take your word for it that it's a good one. And I'm going to check it out.

Even though you are Anonymous.
And all that it represents.
God I just saw the face in the apple logo. Man. Now I miss Steve Again.

God. He was such a cool guy. We've got to figure out a way to do something with this Country and this life. If America was a place where Steve Jobs lived - we have to be able to make it better than it is. Don't you think.

Man. That image haunts me. I thought I was over him dying. I guess I'm not.