I am the child of a broken family. Not so , in terms of love or care - but simply, that when I was five, my parents divorced.

They were young. He later remarried a beautiful and very kind nurse, and they are happily married. She remarried and divorced. Three or four times. I stopped counting after the second one. It is a difficult thing to do, for a 12 year old to do, to tell his mother that he will not live with her. But it's a decision, like others, that I have made carefully. Ultimately it wasn't a bad one.

Some of this is going to be easy. Some, maybe not so easy. In fact, some of this is going to be a street fight. We make our own rules. But we're fair.

So. My father and mother were the first divorce I was introduced to. My first impression, as a five year old, was that divorce is just two grown up people, making a a mistake.

Have you ever heard anyone talk about their divorce? They never say how they were a complete idiot. They just talk about how much of an idiot the other person was.

This being the same person they have fucked every other day for ten years. (note: if they've not fucked each other every other day, dear reader, please refer to the "justifiable reasons" section below). See how they hate each other? Guess what. You married them. What does that make you?

The next experience divorce was one of basic upending my life in sucession, one after another. I think , when I was young - the concept of divorce in society was kind of new, really. I'm sure if we look at a graph of divorce in society through that time we'd see a spike upward. It's certainly high today. Thank you, Ashley Madison.

Divorce left me with a distinctly negative conditioning. I actually get upset to my stomach thinking of the topic. And in marriage, I really won't discuss it. It's just not an option. It's not something that solves anything. Two people can live together,
and work things out. It's really that simple.

That said. There are some exceptions and reasons that can justify a divorce. I can understand how and why some people would need them. And to be honest, even though it's a painful thing for me to consider and it certainly doesn't vault anyone up ten points - I don't really think it's something that can eat away or destroy my view of someone. I like to try to be objective. People can make good and bad decisions at any point in their lives. The ones that count really have an impact. They can change you forever.

Just like decisions, love transcends time and space. You don't need anything to see that. A mother sees it with her child. A cat can see it with her kittens. I can see it when I hit my driver pure 280 yards dead straight down the center of a lush green fairway.

Of course, this also means that I am capable of heading out onto that fairway. Which is something , I can give you - would be ok to question every now and then. It's ok. It's only raining just a little bit. It'll blow over in a second. Let's play through.

Marriage is a contract. Here, of course.. is where I had to google some of this. So.
Be patient while my writing suddenly improves dramatically as I cut and paste things into this essay. Or not. Why is it that I just got a hit from Pat Robertson? Forget it, I'm writing this.

Ok. So. There's this passage in the bible. In Ephesians. And yes, Virginia -the bible is a great place to go for stuff like this because the bible correctly predicts that a man should leave his mother and cleave unto his wife. So. How he loves her and how she loves him, is important. Ephesians 5:22 says something about how a woman should listen to her husband. And that's the part everyone talks about, you know- how she should be kind to him, etc. - but the part that most people miss is Ephesians 5:24 that says. A man should love his wife as christ loved the church. Yeah. Right. What would Jesus do? Get himself totally nailed, and not come home until monday morning.

Seriously. This is what he did to the church: he broke the fucker in half.
Just like that song by "Tool" .. His death marked the destruction of the temple and the Rabbi's that made sure he was killed instead of Barrabas... I am told they tore their clothes in shame. So be it. Someone has to fix the temple.

The thing is, this person gave his entire life for her. And even then it wasn't over. That's a pretty serious thing to recognize. See. It isn't really over when you die. They say till death do us part. Partly true. It goes beyond death.

To me. Marrying a single person. Is in alot of ways an act of ultimate trust. I think , however, there comes a time when it can become clear to anyone and more importantly to everyone that staying in a marriage can cause damage or harm. It really does have to be a high bar to set. The easiest and most justifiable way out of a marriage is death. Then, beyond that, you've got things like - if a person decides to convert their personal project about you into a personal vendetta. It might sound crazy, but there are some people in the world who can only see their light shine whenever they are destroying someone. Finally, there's the whole matter of cheating. People are probably hardwired to cheat - but you can choose to leave someone if they do. I would personally define cheating as something that involves not so much one person loving another, while in marriage - as one person taking love that should be kept for another person - and giving it to someone else. This of course assumes there is love in marriage. That's a big assumption. But being specific, it's the form of love we know as Eros - that should be the singular domain of a man's wife or a woman's husband.

Then, if you want to play variants on that, it has to be consensual. I am perfectly happy to play with one girl. But that's just me.

Perhaps its the ex punk in me that doesn't tend to get very shocked at things but rather looks for where one can find edge. While mr. and mrs. preppy were out at night drinking beers and wearing dock martins, I was in an old deserted catholic chapel running around in a circle while Gothic Playground belted out electric sharp guitar riffs. True story, one time I actually slammed into someone who turned out to be my physics teacher. But there, you learn. If someone falls down. You hook his arm and pick him back up. You might get the hell beaten out of you but nobody really got killed.

Except for that one guy, but he was an asshole. Nobody missed him.

So. If someone's out there trying to destroy you. And I mean, really destroying you. Or if that person is using you to help destroy themselves. It's ok. You can leave them. When you take yourself out of the picture, you end up saving a life. And ultimately that's what its about. There is life beyond life, but to make up a place where there are fantasy rules and flying spirits and all of that - isn't entirely honest. It's far more likely that the Afterlife is a place of challenge and growth and change and that you will be able to grow as much there as here - even if your consciousness changes and
your physical form returns to dust. It's almost as if life has a way about it, that wants to go forward.

If you meet the one. Marry her. And if you're already married. Then pray really, really hard. And become a Mormon. If you're really lucky, you'll be able to figure out what to do. Don't do it without prayer though. Because your wife is likely someone who
has probably done more for you than anyone else, maybe even your parents. And same for your husband. These are people who deserve love and respect. Your marriage to them is a contract.

There will always be, I believe. One and only one moment in your life together where that contract calls for you to raise your weapon. If that moment passes, let it pass. Think of yourself as if you were in bed with a naked woman, but nothing is really going right. You're in bed with a naked woman. There are alot of worse places to be.

Life is for the living.