Part of why I write here is that this is a kind of whiteboard for the sould / a kind of search for equillibrium.

Life in the 21st century can be a wash of toxic ideas. Things that create soul rifts. Madison Avenue is populated by voidwalkers whose sole purpose is to remove the connections society forges to resist false hope or perception , and replace them with a sort of constant , driven framework of spend and release that results in making their clients rich. They drive home messages that should be entirely unrelated to selling soap. And they dare us even now to say what that is... its a totally cynical approach ...

Another problem , I find, is in the alternate lifestyle I lead. Take for example, skateboarding. At some point it became more important to be seen as a skateboarder than to actually skate. A guy who could do a 3 foot ollie but sang in the choir on sunday was persona non grata. Stacey Peralta used to have this problem sometimes.

In the end, of my readers I only ask a sort of loose friendship and the hope that I can somehow track down something worthwhile for them or write something worth reading; I am humble. (thank you D.) It sort of followsfrom my topics of interest that I would be writing about the connections people make to each other, and to groups. In the end, I'm a bit like Doc, still from "Cannery Row". This does mean that I live across the street from a cat-house and so I am not going to say what I did last night. Except that her name was Cyan.

Whatever I do here, its pretty clear that the jig is up. Everyone senses this feeling - mothers and wives are looking for husbands or lovers that will carry them out of it. I really am a warm person, who doesn't like to take what I do and sort of wear it all on my sleeve - and at the same time I generally can find strength or focus when I need it and fall into line with the others like myself. So its about Schadenfreude a bit. And about Betty Page (from a peering perspective I guess).

I hope you enjoy this work here, some of it is really good, better than you will find in magazines or books. All of my work is original. Other works are just a collection of things that I find, I am an avid reader and also very curious. And slightly kinky (makes big shovelling motion).

Let me know where you want all of this to go and what you want to do here.. feel free to post comments about anything. Even off/topic because the topics here are sort of like essays, everything is an open thread. In the words of the immortal Bill and Ted - BE. Excellent to Each Other. Party on, Dudes.

And if you get the chance to freelance a presentation that includes black fingernail polish ,thigh length boots, or white lace stockings you will have my focus. Thank you for reading me, because I have had a glimpse of who you are - yeah, you can be a guy too... (as long as you wear a dress) .. You are in my mind, but more, you are in my heart.

BTW have you seen the movie "Secretary". Ok , today I threw a party to let a secretary go and I was daydreaming. The point isn't to replace your life with a lifestyle. .. is it? Can feelings and states of mind so intense , actually be communicated and shared? It was funny = someone said "She does so much for me around the office, she files and answers the phone and keeps the whole office running... I was surprised when I turned to her and asked her to write a chapter in my book for me and she said she couldn't do it. I said, well, I sort of expected at least an outline. She smiled at me when I said that "

What do yout think of that film? Its not one of Sodeberghs best. I dont think masochism fits into soft bdsm, really. I think the female character was over the top. I think she deserved to be spanked.