I've decided to stop writing about kinky sex.

I've decided to stop writing about kinky sex. My new topic is going to be... kinky sex! =D

Slight variation can have really big effects, given a system that is dependent upon initial condition. Couples, for example, are coupled systems. Things can get exponential. Especially if you have kids. I have always felt personally that grasping the infinite is possible, within the harbor of a relationship because of a simple idea.

Think of a number, the largest number you can think of. Now, hold that number in your mind. That number is , for all practical purposes infinity. But it is a number, so its not infinity.

Ok, now suppose you knew someone really well and you could share many things with her. Let her walk up. She can think of that number you're thinking of, but, because she can visualize a different number - she can simply think of whatever number you're thinking of, and then add one to it.

Alone, you are thinking of a finite number. I don't know if the mind can generate an infinite number - we can use the really big numbers as if they're infinite, but the truth is that they're just really , really big numbers. Like, for example, a google.

But together, you could grasp infinity. I still think there is something to that.

I drive the 400 corridor regularly (my business is at sort of a crossroads, but we've expanded and its a pretty decent commute). As I was driving today , I thought of the situation in which you have one kinky partner, and another one that isn't compatible. For example. Two dominants or two submissives. Technically that would be a problem.

I have some ideas about those kinds of couples. For example, I would bet that two dominants could fall in love at first sight. A dominant is, in some sense, a hunter or huntress - they are looking for something specific. Thats why submissives don't bother to be pursued, they line up for you and you choose the one you want. On the other hand, a submissive is in some sense, a prey animal. Its so funny to visualize a dominant as prey. Its always the reverse. Prey animals sacrifice the far animal of their circle; they are in some ways much colder than predators. They do not use all of their senses and don't grasp the thrill of the chase as much as the predator - but they have a sense of overall life that is pretty astonishing and definitely worth the curiousity and exchange required to make the complement.

So in some sense, a dominant/submissive relationship can probably strike a real harmonic. It would be sort of linear. Think of a pendulum, it will swing back and forth naturally.

But a submissive/submissive relationship, or a dominant/dominant relationship would depend on initial conditions. I find that most people are in some kind of relationship like this. Not many people really can get into being too kinky - there is simply not enough room for it in the genome / its too risky to be a submissive and too dangerous to be a dominant. Think of a pendulum with a few joints in the swing arm - its motion will be erratic. To repeat the same arc, the pendulum will have to be started out at exactly, exactly the way it was before.

Its been said that dominants are fine, as long as they both have something to dominate. I think dominant/dominant relationships will be breeder type relationships. Submissive/submissive relationships, on the other hand, are probably more subtle and unfold slowly over time. I would argue that of the two, these relationships are the ones that will disappear more easily from the genome. Submissives don't easily disappear - its a strange fact but the lowest male (the omega male) does the most social damage if he disappears. Society shifts to keep submissives around, for some reason. This is because we're human. In the jungle, submissives get hurt.

At any rate, the idea is that for dominant/submissives there can be real harmony. But for dominant/dominant or submissive/submissive there can be exponential effects. Most relationships are just nonlinear enough that you really shouldn't put too much weight into the idea that changing them is going to bring immediate effect. Here are some simple rules to follow, that help . But they're not guaranteed.

1. The two most important words you will ever learn: "Yes, dear"
2. If you have to ask if she's angry... she's still angry!
3. Yes means yes, and no means no. Except when no means yes. =] But never when yes means no.
4. Common ground is good
5. Fallback: get into an argument - try the "30 second rule", because if you can keep the communication open, usually you can resolve it. Just listen for 30 sec., even if you don't want to - and don't interrupt. And then you can speak for 30 s. , and she is to listen. You will be surprised how many fights this thing can kill. Try it!

Theres more, but in the end, people are into kinky sex because they want someone to spank them. And that comes at the expense of great amounts of trust. So, kinky sex is about trust as much as it is, I think - power exchange. Two people who play well together, can play together their whole lives.