New Video in the Assassination of Benazir Butto

A new video was released todayshowing that Benazir Butto slumped after the gunshots rang out - we know that the assassin shot three times at her then blew himself up. The official report showed that the blast of the bomb drove Benazir into a lever on her sunroof and the trauma and impact killed her. However, after three shots were fired at very close range - you see from the first shot, her headscarf flying up. That wasn't the wind.

The local police were directed to refuse to allow the local doctors in attendance at the E/R to do the autopsy. Apparently the attending doctors were not allowed to examine the body ... because Al Qaeda did it?

Yesterday Bill Richardson has called for the Resignation of Pervez Musharraf. They say that the art of diplomacy is when someone tells you to go to hell, then gives you directions, and you enjoy the ride.

How do you tell someone to go to hell, who lives in Pakistan ? I mean, suppose you try to to get to hell from Pakistan? Aren't the directions. Go south... Oh wait a minute. You're from Pakistan. Hey, congratulations. You're already there.

Forgetting Ohio

McCain has peaked in recent polls. to the top of the heap. This builds on a previous contention, what I said earlier holds. The GOP is an aristocracy.

The fact that Ron Paul can't even get airtime on Faux despite having raised more money in a single day than any other candidate in history lets you know exactly what is going to happen.

Indie leaning voters out of the GOP will either head to the dems (60%) or they will flock to Ron Paul. Breaking the 10 percent barrier, Paul will decide to run independent. Faux news being unable to stoop so low as to bring on a guy who has a passionate, loyal following and a large amount of cash - will give the already galvanized supporters yet more ammunition to strike out like Ross Perot.

Just for what its worth, let's hope she picks Bill Richardson as the new Secretary of State. Ohio was a narrow race despite a sitting president during wartime running unopposed in his own party - against a boston brahmin ? The fact that McCain is surging right now means that he deserved it to begin with (and it makes my signed copy of his book all the more valuable yeah!) and second, more importantly - the GOP is being torn apart by the bush republicans running to the more maverick, conservative, and reagan-like leadership that McCain represents.

So here's the prediction: Ron Paul Declares Independent, makes a 10 percent dent in the GOP base. Clinton, after winning the primary - battles against the 40% that won't vote for her and watches that 40% drop to 30% thanks to Ron. McCain battles hard against Clinton in the General.

And Al Qaeda blows up something in the meantime and the homeland security alert is raised "Keep Shopping and Go to the Mall".

Free Pizza for anyone reading this, that is a member of Al Qaeda. Just meet me over there near that federal .. er I mean that 'friend' of mine in the dark suit with the earpiece in his ear. Its a great party. There will be lots of fun things to do ... um..

Is spooning with Dick Cheney classified as a method of torture?

My Finger is on the Trigger..

The Pakistani government quickly diagnosed the death of Benazir Bhutto, as "accidental/hit-her-head" and then moved to offer a made-for-tv-movie telephone conversation record putatively intercepted by ever-vigilant Pakistani Intelligence Officials (who did nothing to prevent the actual attack). Think carefully about the conclusions that are supposed to be drawn: are you supposed to have a warm, fuzzy feeling in your gut about the fact that governments now monitor your phone calls without your consent? I suppose you think of yourself as a conservative - I guess you're happy to realize that you're paying some government official every time you talk to your mom now. And the second conclusion? That Al Qaeda killed Benazir Butto? That one deserves even more thought.

Benazir was taken out by an assassin's bomb - she had been fired at and then the bomber blew himself up. The blast blew her forward into a lever on her sunroof and cracked her skull open. Although there are reports that shots were fired at her, and that the assassin had a handgun trained on her before he detonated himself - the final autopsy shows blunt force trauma as the cause of death. Definitely a hit by an assassin, possibly a terrorist.

The problem is that Al Qaeda doesn't specialize in this kind of work. They are infrastructure guys. They hit buildings and battleships. A political figure is a bad trade - how does the removal of one talking head, change an economy?

A political hit takes out only a single person and it is supposed to change the electorate and the general election climate. It is , as terrorism goes, a bad deal. For example, how many democrats do you think can be murdered that will keep the current status quo of a lobbyist free-for-all, alive and well - in DC? And the best one of all - what if someone Murdered George W. Bush ... President Cheney... give me a break.

Osama Bin Laden wrote, immediately after the 911 hit - "The quickest way to destroy a country is to destroy its economy". OBL likely lives in Pakistan, and despite the Bush Administrations well publicized (they have spent more money on advertising than all of the previous administrations combined) advances against them on behalf of Pervez Musharraf, Al Qaeda is still Headquartered in Peshawar, and no doubt happily ensconced. This Pakistani location gives them the benefit of a blurred borderline where the Former Soviet Union is bleeding suitcase nukes and radical islamic scientists are hard at work reading the operating manuals and trying to figure out which button turns off the GPS. Al Qaeda is pouring resources into their next big attack, commonly sequenced five years apart (for example, the first time they hit the trade towers, to the second, or from the "Cole" to the first hit on the towers.. or 911 to... hmm... right about now..)

Use of military power against terrorist target(s) echo hollow here in the assasination of Butto, as anywhere. The concept that you can bomb the village where the assassin lives is laughable. The closest we ever came was when Bill Clinton had a hellfire missile locked on him at a training camp in Afghanistan. Unlike the successful maneuver against the car bomber headed for the 2000 times square ball drop, this time Bill chose not to pull the trigger. He felt that a military attack was not appropriate. Woops. Ah, but then again it doesn't matter how many drones are in the air - Bin Laden is going to be located by a spy. And his time will come again.

What do you think President of the United States of America will do, when it becomes her turn to take out OBL Again? Will her administration squeal on the spies working for her administration?

Do you think she will catch Bin Laden?

St Simons Island / Sea Island

The song that remains the same. Everyone has a place they come home to. I can hear the sound of children playing from the street. The waves. Its not quite California; I've long ago given up hope for four foot walls out here. Its ok. I guess its home.

Our next door neighbor named their little girl Rush. That is so cool, if you ask me. Its a great name.

There are little ones running around, playing in the front yard. A happy day. There will be a big party tomorrow night, everyone will come by. Its sort of a tradition. Naturally I'm in here hacking on code.

Last night I won an argument with my dad. It was easy. All I had to do was agree with him, repeatedly and right up front until he heard me. I think he was kind of in shock. Note to self: leverage the element of surprise.

Merry Christmas Everyone. =)

Heaven or Las Vegas - The Cocteau Twins

How to be the strong one

1. Keep a sense of humour
2. Remember, that its not your life - its someone elses
3. Have faith in something, even if its only yourself
4. Expect pain
5. Sacrifice yourself if it helps. Otherwise, play for keeps
6. Stay heads down even if everyone is going crazy.
7. Kiss away tears
8. Grab the back of the wrist, not the front. You won't get cut
9. Be willing to fight the crowd
10. What they're saying about the people they love, is really about themselves
11. Protect all children but teach them and play with them more
12. Make lists, even things that are soulbound.
13. Plan the work
14. Work the plan
15. Pain is weakness leaving the body
16. Lance Armstrong Rocks

"There is no limit to what a man can achieve as long as he doesn't care who get's the credit". - Bob Woodruff. (Coca Cola Corporation).

If you can believe it I spent last night in a manger. I am not kidding. We ate s'mores and traded bad jokes; the christ child was a cabbage patch doll. The virgin mary was a chemist. She seemed surprised when I told her I worked for the Lab once. I didn't tell her I was just a lab rat like all the other undergrads. She said she liked all the work that comes from Lost Almost and I thought - jeez.. even the stuff that happens down in the kivas? Then again, she +was+ a virgin mother so I give her credit for being easily excited.

Merry Christmas

Because one day I'll leave you, a phantom, to lead you in the summer...

To Philip Rosedale

How to fix second life:

1. Change Second Life so that there is scheduled downtime from 5 am to 11 am PST (SLT) once per week. Six hours is enough time for the network team to perform scheduled maintenance, and upgrade systems.
2. Aggressively implement upgrades to your physics engines (make sure that you give the network team time to do so, see item 1.) . High end physics engines will help reduce lag.
3. Power consuption on your blade servers has been an issue. Invest in a fuel cell setup to cut your costs and provide clean UPS power. Also, you may wish to look at allowing the server to be licensed to allow people to build their own SL network grid outside of yours.
4. The client browser should be modified to a heavy client. Your client is easy to download, and you have done good work with your updater. A client which offloads terabytes of graphic processing will improve your situation dramatically. It is worthwhile to have a heavier client given the size of the world; clientside graphics processors need lower level device access to get at the kind of processing required for smooth rendering. Don't keep it all up in the browser. Too many layers before rendering.
5. Implement a builder mode that allows builders to prototype their builds without them being seen by the mass public (this will save again on lag). The situation in which a massive world is being downloaded to the client continuously is untenable. Builders will have to bite the bullet and see two modes to their creation - one, is test and the other is production. They will have to wait until scheduled update intervals to allow their production stuff to go-live. This should be available to people who are building arenas or high traffic areas.
6. Invest in my initiative to create a voice change utility for those who desire voice alteration. Stream this from a central server so that the capability may exist for people who wish to apply a different voice while in-world. This will support a small economy / replete with a client hardware submarket.
7. Implement a democratic system of government. Allow the people of SL to vote on matters that mean the most to them. You will have to establish a constitution, with a council comprised of members of the virtual world. Model this constitution upon a simple basis of human rights, and representational government. Abolish the existing monarchy and resign from your role as emperor, let this be a public ceremony.
8. Allow money to be regulated and traded without careful constraints. The existing effort to artificially peg the money supply at a certain value causes the market to react in a lackadaisical manner- to unpin the linden from its false structure will enliven markets. It will also generate new interest in the virtual world. The markets should be given a chance to self regulate (see previous) and should also trade as a real currency (which is impossible in the current setup , as you are artificially pegging the currency to a false value).

Thank you Philip, and please keep up the good work.

Repo Man

freddy = the girl , eddy is the guy. I like those two.

Four Days

This is a post about the sanskrit wedding ritual (yes, that group of people that gave us this thing called "written language").

A hindu wedding is at sunset and then that night the bride and grooms friends and family party until dawn. The morning of that second day, in the blue hour, the brides family starts bargaining with the groom's family and friends. They won't even let him go to the restroom. Its a serious proposition: this money is not a dowry, its a sum that will finance a really cool party that the bride's friends and family get to throw later (it can happen any time, a week a month later - no kids allowed - its sort of movie and restaurant money, in some sense).

So, at dawn on the first day, the bleary eyed groom agrees to an amount and it is paid to a due representative of the bride's close friends and family who will store and account for it later. The bride and groom will then rest a bit. The afternoon of the first day is the ceremony of "the wedding festival gone bad" or bashibiyah. This is a wedding ceremony, similiar to the main ceremony but smaller - that celebrates end of the formal festival. Then, at night the bride will be taken to the grooms home , where the mother of the groom will ululate as she is greeted. They will sleep this night separately, at the home of the groom.

On the dawn of the second day, the groom and bride will spend a nice day together. This is just a day of congenial companionship between friends and family and there isn't much scheduled. The groom will help his mom , that day to get everything ready for the next day. Rituals are ongoing through all of this, little ones. The aesthetic is really important. Honestly, if its not fun, its not really worship. Thats the paradox and thats why so many people come to India to awaken spiritually - it is the forge of the worldview of buddhism, writing, mathematics and art. Columbus may have had personal reasons for wanting to find India, when he was discovering America. We will never know, its just that sacrifice, and ritual are involving things and not really as formal as you might think.

On the dawn of the third, the bride and groom do what? They get ready for a big party. There will be small rituals in the morning, and then they get ready for a big party in the evening. This is sort of like the reception you get immediately after a weeding. And that night, the bride and groom will meet each other in home of the groom. And there will be flowers on the bed. And thorns. Ok. Just kidding. =)

So the bride will await the groom on this third night, and this will be , for some, the first time they've ever really met alone. In modern india, about one in two marriages , this will be the first real time they will spend alone together.

The morning of the fourth day will come upon the newly married couple who will breakfast with the grooms father and mother. The bride will sit down at the breakfast table with her new family, and they will all talk and enjoy each others company. The bride is not supposed to talk too much, but an educated bride will talk. And if she does talk too much the parents will talk about it a few months later. Everyone has to learn how to adjust.

Then on the fourth day, the bride and groom may go off to another place on a honeymoon, or you may choose not to go anywhere. Normally however, the bride and groom will go somewhere, perhaps to town. There is nothing formal set for a big trip anywhere, the bride and groom may go off somewhere on vacation anytime afterward. And the husband and his +entire family+ will think they have acquired free skilled labor.

And then the husband realizes that he is no longer the boss. Of anything! Which is good, because we males realize secretly that we have seen the bosses job. And we don't want it ! :)

Nine Inch Nails

Here is a question you get all the time. Is there a god? Does god exist? Do you believe in God?

I dreamt last night I looked up at the night sky and I saw part of the milky way. I was on a lake shore with friends. The stars were bright and blue. There was a warmth to our companionship. And there was a band across the sky and I could look and see the center of the galaxy. It was a warm moment, but the sky was so clear. I woke up.

Spend time wondering about the question. Do you ever look up at the stars? Do that for questions sometimes. Just the question alone might be worth it. Is god real? Is that the question?

All you have to do , to destroy the most beautiful theory is bring up one ugly fact. I was there on the dark shore looking up at the most beautiful thing I could ever imagine. And yet somewhere I knew stars are disappearing at the center of our galaxy - I knew that, at the center. Is the beast. A black hole with a radius the size of the distance of jupiter, to our sun. A maelstrom.

Yet it was sort of like being close to someone, and yet far away. Like predator and prey. Like that line from the film "The Thin Red Line".

Is our entire universe designed so that a biological plaque covering a tiny, blue rock spinning around a third rate star in the outer arm of a minor galactic ball, ... be able to figure it all out?

Lets depart from the idea of being a single cell in the sea. I usually like to pin my reference point there, but they're an awful band. Heh heh. Lets talk Faith, brothers and Sisters! Can I get an Amen. The power of the group, say an entire faith. Don't be a single cell. Be a strip of actin and myosin fibrils- 200,000 cells . Be! Excellent to each other! Party on, Dudes!

Even then, do you think they'd be able to figure out if something was happening to them. Do the cells within you, wonder what you are?

What if a Nail was being driven through them? Lets go down to their level. It works for kids. It should work for this.

No eyes. No ears. No mouth. No head. No pearly gates. No thorny crown. Only darkness. ... but like that biolumescence that shines in the southern night ... they will be able to communicate ..different cells.. but they might possibly share an experience that by its definition defeats description. Don't just assum that they won't know something is going on. They will make an observation.

Even a perfect observation is in some sense touching the observed. Maybe they can feel this as well. After all this is atomic reality; we know for certain that the schroedinger wave form collapses on observation. We can disagree as to whether its multiple worlds before it does, but it does collapse. Waves are particles at this level of reality, and particles are waves. Tasty.

Opera can take your breath away. I remember the Diva from the Fifth Element (She is singing a song called "The Mad Song"). You can hear opera when you're looking in the mirror, or into the face of a newborn child. It doesn't matter. It will be there waiting for you. It might just be a song you hear, as well. It might be something else... it might be a dream..

Say, again, we are on this shore, the saline sea. Companionship and warmth are a part of it. We're in the dark. And I look up and the sky , so brilliant and dark - breaks open .. it is amber bound by a dark band ...

Then the nail ruptures the skin and the band gets darker until it becomes a single black point. The distant sound of a hammer striking metal, like a dull thud, sweeps through the dust, spinning stars into bright being. The nail fragments bone and splinters wood into us. We feel it happening over what seems like lifetimes. So back to the question. Would you still ask it? Is God Real? I think the reality of it would not be the question.

Weight begins to pull on us, as if the nail itself is holding up the entire universe, but it is tearing. Rending itself into us.

The question is: Is love a decision?

You're specialized, remember. Like actin and myosin (The stuff that makes up muscles, ratchet like). You have a complement. If she was torn away from you - would you ask "why me?" ... or would you just ask.. "why". And would you care about her, as much as you cared about yourself?

Men are like Microwave ovens and women are like chefs sometimes. Men are always hungry, women like to enjoy cooking. Complements of...

Black Hawk Down - [Parabol-Tool-AMV]

It's not about the Bike

Ever since I gave SL the heave-ho (not really, but sort of) I've been reading again (not really, but sort of). My latest book is "Its not about the Bike" - My Journey Back to Life - By Lance Armstrong. (who started out as a triathlete, by the way..)

I have a class of book that I really enjoy reading that I use not unlike a swordsman would use a sharpening stone. I firmly classify Jon Krakauer into this category , cf. "Into Thin Air" , and "Under the Banner of Heaven". I also enjoyed "The White Spider" by Heinrich Harrer. Lance's book fits into this category. There's a passage in the "Its not about the Bike" that I find fairly intriguing. It is his personal account of the first moments Lance awakens after radical brain surgery (removing necrotic tissue, not unlike a stroke, of sorts - stroke survivors weather internal damage without biopsy).

Lance goes down for Brain surgery, and he's given three things to remember "Ball, Pin, Driveway". He will be asked to remember them later. After the surgery , he does - and they ask him who he is and he responds "I'm Lance Amrstrong and I can kick your ass on a bike any day". :) Then he slowly realizes he's had major surgery and he's really laid up and he looks up and sees his mom. Here is what Lance said after his near-death (and after they removed part of his brain) - He turns to her, and his mom holds his hand - and he realizes that when he was a baby she counted his breaths in the night. She thought she had gotten him through the hard part, before this. And he turns to her and says.

I love you. I love my life, and you gave it to me, and I owe you so much for that.

Remember that.

Ruby on Rails

Ruby on Rails is a good way to get your web development done. I'm considering switching from PHP to Rails; its a solid framework. XAMPP is just ever so slightly glitched..

How cool? Ok, read the documentation and tell me for yourself! - How many development platforms have an xkcd comic documentation team that can teach you how to use it in like, two issues?

Have you ever heard about this stuff? What do you think? Was the documentation fun?

Cinnamon Girl - Neil Young

I've decided to stop writing about kinky sex.

I've decided to stop writing about kinky sex. My new topic is going to be... kinky sex! =D

Slight variation can have really big effects, given a system that is dependent upon initial condition. Couples, for example, are coupled systems. Things can get exponential. Especially if you have kids. I have always felt personally that grasping the infinite is possible, within the harbor of a relationship because of a simple idea.

Think of a number, the largest number you can think of. Now, hold that number in your mind. That number is , for all practical purposes infinity. But it is a number, so its not infinity.

Ok, now suppose you knew someone really well and you could share many things with her. Let her walk up. She can think of that number you're thinking of, but, because she can visualize a different number - she can simply think of whatever number you're thinking of, and then add one to it.

Alone, you are thinking of a finite number. I don't know if the mind can generate an infinite number - we can use the really big numbers as if they're infinite, but the truth is that they're just really , really big numbers. Like, for example, a google.

But together, you could grasp infinity. I still think there is something to that.

I drive the 400 corridor regularly (my business is at sort of a crossroads, but we've expanded and its a pretty decent commute). As I was driving today , I thought of the situation in which you have one kinky partner, and another one that isn't compatible. For example. Two dominants or two submissives. Technically that would be a problem.

I have some ideas about those kinds of couples. For example, I would bet that two dominants could fall in love at first sight. A dominant is, in some sense, a hunter or huntress - they are looking for something specific. Thats why submissives don't bother to be pursued, they line up for you and you choose the one you want. On the other hand, a submissive is in some sense, a prey animal. Its so funny to visualize a dominant as prey. Its always the reverse. Prey animals sacrifice the far animal of their circle; they are in some ways much colder than predators. They do not use all of their senses and don't grasp the thrill of the chase as much as the predator - but they have a sense of overall life that is pretty astonishing and definitely worth the curiousity and exchange required to make the complement.

So in some sense, a dominant/submissive relationship can probably strike a real harmonic. It would be sort of linear. Think of a pendulum, it will swing back and forth naturally.

But a submissive/submissive relationship, or a dominant/dominant relationship would depend on initial conditions. I find that most people are in some kind of relationship like this. Not many people really can get into being too kinky - there is simply not enough room for it in the genome / its too risky to be a submissive and too dangerous to be a dominant. Think of a pendulum with a few joints in the swing arm - its motion will be erratic. To repeat the same arc, the pendulum will have to be started out at exactly, exactly the way it was before.

Its been said that dominants are fine, as long as they both have something to dominate. I think dominant/dominant relationships will be breeder type relationships. Submissive/submissive relationships, on the other hand, are probably more subtle and unfold slowly over time. I would argue that of the two, these relationships are the ones that will disappear more easily from the genome. Submissives don't easily disappear - its a strange fact but the lowest male (the omega male) does the most social damage if he disappears. Society shifts to keep submissives around, for some reason. This is because we're human. In the jungle, submissives get hurt.

At any rate, the idea is that for dominant/submissives there can be real harmony. But for dominant/dominant or submissive/submissive there can be exponential effects. Most relationships are just nonlinear enough that you really shouldn't put too much weight into the idea that changing them is going to bring immediate effect. Here are some simple rules to follow, that help . But they're not guaranteed.

1. The two most important words you will ever learn: "Yes, dear"
2. If you have to ask if she's angry... she's still angry!
3. Yes means yes, and no means no. Except when no means yes. =] But never when yes means no.
4. Common ground is good
5. Fallback: get into an argument - try the "30 second rule", because if you can keep the communication open, usually you can resolve it. Just listen for 30 sec., even if you don't want to - and don't interrupt. And then you can speak for 30 s. , and she is to listen. You will be surprised how many fights this thing can kill. Try it!

Theres more, but in the end, people are into kinky sex because they want someone to spank them. And that comes at the expense of great amounts of trust. So, kinky sex is about trust as much as it is, I think - power exchange. Two people who play well together, can play together their whole lives.

Religion

" Your religion is not the garb you wear outwardly, but the garment of light you weave around your heart. Discover who you are, behind those outer trappings, and you will discover who Jesus was, and Buddha, and Krishna. For the masters come to earth for the purpose of holding up to every man a reflection of his deeper, eternal Self. "
- Paramhansa Yogananda

Damien Rice/ Cannonball

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on

Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
Still I can't say what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer
to me
So close that I can't see what's going on
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage!
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know

the final chapter of the romantic dominant - (break out your colorless secret decoder ring for the secret message below ) Love is not a fluffy thing. Its got edges and teeth. Love refuses to play small or sell out. Love is more powerful than rage. - Julia Butterfly Hill

I am officially addicted to WoW

As of today , I would like to announce my latest addiction. I am completely addicted to World of Warcraft. Yes, the same game I made fun of three months ago. Hey, I wanted to bash my sex drive into nothingness. And besides, I paid a month subscription, darnit. I am going to finish the month. I have leveld up almost 60 levels and they say I'm doing it really fast. I have a talent for this stuff. But I have also noticed that I am hanging out with guys who eat cold pizza for breakfast. Therefore..

I plan to submit myself to the nearest "WoW Anonymous" group, where I will sit in a circle with people who are suffering from the same affliction, in the earnest hope that, by following a 12 step program of recovery, I will be able to get near a WoW client and not end up playing for two hours at a time. At present, I am losing weight, and in danger of becoming a skeleton at the keyboard with cobwebs hanging from me. Late at night, of course. When no one will notice I am gone until morning. They will just find me there.. a skele-ton.... I can see it now. Have. to stop . now!

Some ideas for keeping me from playing:

1. Changing my password on my game machine, and providing it to you-know-who.
2. Chaining myself to the workstation in my home office
3. Staring at a candle flame and repeating the words "I am cured", in a dark room
4. Taking substances for it, such as a cold glass of milk, refreshing spring water, or sweet nectar (this is an inside joke).
5. Hiring a WoW de-conditioning trainer, who will teach me how to play for only five minutes

I recently duo'd the deadmines, which is supposed to be very, very hard to do and my character is so overloaded with epic loot that I couldn't even keep the existing enchant items I had. I was trying to solo and ended up pairing with a strong character and we annhilated that place. She was a dranei.

The deadmines and VC were just amazingly difficult. There was an art to this place, things you would want to do at certain moments. We made mistakes. I wasn't ready to do it. Every time I asked "what is the plan" she would say .. "Kill". It worked. :) hail kitsune!

Ok now I really know I am addicted. I am talking about WoW to people who could care less. I heard that if you played you might try to use the word "goblin" in a sentence. Please +donate+ to World of Warcraft anonymous. Save your fellow man! Or woman.

I will probably delete this post. I am posting it to remind me that I'd better get something done for someone I know or she'll be high and dry... its a confession. And yes, I really am addicted. But not hopelessly. I think..

Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence

Meme

Razorblade (Emily) tapped me to be part of the meme (rhymes with "mean"). I thought to myself. Ok. Sure. Why not. I read up on it, and this is supposed to be some kind of art form . At any rate, I will play. Eight (8) facts about turnerBroadcasting ...

1. I am an ex-surfer. Landlocked. This is probably the most important fact about me. Once a surfer, always a surfer. I lived on a cliff / surfed when it was on/ dive and snorkel every day when it was not. Then I lived on the coast, used to sail every day. When I went to college in Florida, I spent a year and a half out into the woods with tanks and dropping into springs and diving caverns and caves underneath the forest. (bumpersticker: Paddle Faster. ..I think I hear a Banjo ). I can find lobsters by the vibrations they make in the ocean. If you give me a set of gloves, a rubberband, a stick and a catchbag I can bring you back a six course seafood dinner. We hunted the big wave - I once surfed double overhead from the back (17 to 20 foot waves). We had to paddle back in, all the way around the island because things got gnarly. As in. Waterspouts came down near the point. Seven of them? The fact that I was there, is probably the most important fact about me. I had a red, Barry Kanupuani Gun made by Sunset Beach Surfboards in Hawaii. I slept with it. Later , I traded sleeping with surfboards for sleeping with girls..
2. I am fit, decent looking, and generally intelligent. I'm in a relationship, in fact, a very longstanding and strong relationship. A recent change in the other person has driven me away from her - a radical and scary change that I can't go into , here. But I am doing what a good person will do. I am trustworthy, and discreet - she will be gone from my life I think by the 17th, although it was orginally the 10th - and when she goes, I can breathe again. Right now its pretty scary.
3. I never write directly about anyone I know (at least hear) because I love them very much and care for them and want their identities anonymous. Its funny, I don't anonymize my own identity - I've responded to CL postings with my full address information straight away. I am fairly thick skinned in that regard, I guess. But when it comes to people around me, its a different story. I go out of my way to protect them, or keep their identities anonymous. Their life, is their own. I am a good person to trust, I guess.
4. I love kinky sex. In fact, I am convinced that kinky sex is the basis of all life in the universe. I am searching for molecular kinky sex to prove that life is not unique and the entire universe really operates on kinky sex. Ok, kinky sex and general relativity.. I will admit that. But just think for a second how kinky a schwarzchild radius can be... omg. You think of a rubber sheet? To explain it. Well. I think of nipple clamps. Why pull a rubber sheet when you can just pinch someones nipple? College could be alot more fun if physics professors figured this out. Hey church could also. I think it came in part from my kinky girlfriends I had when I was growing up. One of them was a lesbian, an artist (actress), the other was a painter. I am very sexually open as a result, and also .. a bit confident? I guess. My main thing is I think , in fact, you deserve a spanking just for reading this. Assume the position. >:)
5. Fun food fact - I never throw away any food. Ever since I returned from India, I have always recycled anything I could get my hands on. It comes from seeing a plate made out of leaves, that a restaurant had thrown out. The cows walked by, right off the street. And ate the plates. That had a deep effect on me. I have a comfortable home, and woods in the back. I make the trip outside everynight to throw away dinner scraps. Any greenspace will do. You would be surprised what is out there looking for a snack.
6. I am either going to get rich or go bankrupt, very soon. Its a strange situation - I have a small business that has alot of orders, that if I can fill them I'm made. And if I don't, I'm toast. Oh yeah and I won a grant last year, and I think I can bring that research forward. My wife has been screaming at customers. They're still around. You do the math.
7. I play a game called Second Life. I have been known to do cool things in there, at times. Once, I made a big black hole that sucked up all the bad architecture in my neighborhood. Now you know my secret, that I was just bored. Please let everyone else think that I am pure evil. It helps me with my day job there.
8. I love to read. I have just finished "Under the Banner of Heaven" by Jon Krakauer. I have also read "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy, and "Animals in Translation" by Temple Grandin. I loved "Customer Response Management" by Darlene Richard . If I could recommend one book, it would be "The Consolations of Philosophy" by Alain De Botton. Don't let the title get you. Its alot of fun. One thing that bothers me with my recent life is that I've been seriously wrapped up in World of Warcraft (in an honest effort to destroy my personal sex drive) and as a result I've been reading less... I think the way it works is that I'll eventually just stop playing online games and return to equillibrium. I truly love to read. For now, its a semi-managed thing - again if you look at the 2nd item in the list, giving my partner the send-off will mean more time for books (she takes about 50 hours a week right now. I don't want to be cold, I am just telling the truth. giving her the heave-ho will improve my life immeasurably). (and then I can break the addiction to WoW as well. SL is so damn lagged that its easy to ignore, just remember lag.)

Alright since I've talked about what happens if you lick me on the ... oh.. I skipped that didn't I .. hm! . Good! So. Now I am going to find eight people who will just be overjoyed to find that they've been tapped.

1. The lady (you know who you are)
2. House of Battle (we only think we know who you are )
3. Cosmic Variance (Daniel Holz)
4. Chris Bowers ( formerly of myDD - now with actBlue )
5. Thomas Beyer (where the heck are you man?)
6. Bitch, PhD. ( riight )
7. Desiree S. ( be precise )
8. Phoenix Seelowe (from SL)

Green Meteor

At 10:33 tonight, ESDT, I was standing outside near the silver comet rail trail (around mile 1.4) and I heard something. It was really really faint, i couldn't even describe the sound but it made me turn my head quickly.

I looked up and just caught a huge meteor burning across the horizon. In the sky/ North by Northwest of Atlanta there was a giant green meteor, it was really moving fast. It struck somewhere near what appeared to be south marietta (?) - it was brilliant, round and green. The trail it left was not persistent. It reminded one of a comet - but it was not quite that.

Origin: Lat: 33.848525 /33:50:54.690N - Lon: -084.541582/ 84:32:29.695W. second point would be due northwest of that location. Probably within 30 miles but can't be sure, since the treeline obscured the impact site. So draw your line out that way, you might get it.

The meteor was as big as your thumb, if you held it at arms length. I am trying to figure out what to do. I called 911 and they recorded the call.

Colorless Green Ideas Sleep Furiously

Origa - (Player) [Final Fantasy Ten/ AMV]. Turnerbroadcasting is currently... ( please choose one):

A) On vacation
B) In rehab
C) Incarcerated

..I will be back in:

A) Five days
B) Ten weeks
C) Six years to life

Colorless awakens december 10th. To: Ms. Lee. Its all about trust. >:)

World of Warcraft/ SL/ Time to Burn

World of Warcraft is way fun. Its a massive, multiplayer online role playing game and birth control device. I have never played anything like it.I caught myself posting on craigslist.. ah ... lets not get into that. Lets just say it works great on two levels. Its a game. And its also one of the most happily violent experiences I have ever had. (ever had one of those days where you wanted to kill twenty people? WoW lets you discover that you're not alone.. ) For WoW, I am warning you +not+ to watch this clip .. (some people just don't have enough to do. lets be honest. these guys have no life.)

I sort of wonder what burnout looks like in SL; I wonder if its a function of loneliness? I know what burnout in WoW will look like - you'll notice that you're not really doing anything great, there's no real grand quest or honor its just a person sitting at a computer playing a game. I have never felt that way with SL, its kind of like a really interesting cellphone - you can call people in very interesting ways. But still, I definitely get bored in there. I really enjoy doing kind of wild things in there; I have a really creative side and I really like to explore different aspects of art. SL is a huge forge for art; I was proud to be a part of three projects there. The creative aspect of SL is hard to really help people to understand; you can get addicted to good graphics design - but you never really get addicted, because it takes alot of work. Watch this if are curious; we all owe philip rosedale alot - he made this space to create art. I guess its kind of like burning man ? You can't do it all year long, but its great for what it is. Totally different. WoW is a game, pure and simple. SL is something else. Burnout in WoW will be when I just stop playing.

In SL I have had alot of fun as Turner Singh; a sort of playboy but not really - hard to describe. Maybe I can say what I've done? I got married (which was cool) (and sort of not cool also, because the marriage had symbolic meanings to some real life people I knew). I've gotten involved in some really great projects. I've explored the fragments of JR Tolkiens lost tales. I've sucked up all the bad architecture in my neighborhood with a black hole sun. I've played trivia with a brilliant woman who in real life has a bar code tattoo and can run the mile in 3:47. I've even won real life projects out of it. I've even talked to someone who is a self described submissive but kept telling me what to do. Oh, and I've made great friends of a Romanian web cam girl who goes there to get away from it all (she's now a slave in there, I have learned not to talk too much about that). And she's helped me do my hair. I've been a man and a woman, and a wolf. I am a happy woman, actually in one form quite lesbian and in another form sort of businesslike and semi-straight, and cool. I've learned about gracefulness with her (and where I can improve). As a man, I've done what men do. And I've been a well fed wolf. I've made art, built things, and gotten involved in music. Ah. Well. I guess I'm only missing making up for one awful date (we went to the world of genetics.. can you imagine anything worse? I'm going on a date on thursday to see "no country for old men" ... imagine if I told them , "hey, lets just take a look at the genetic material here before we go".. it was my fault ade..). SL is learn, grow and play.

In WoW, I've had some moments there. Its more of a run each time. Each quest, is like that. I am learning how to level fast, and frankly I'm curious how fast and how many levels I can make in one night. I get invited on alot of quests because I can really keep a party alive. In one of my forms I heal. I sort of love bringing someone back from the edge. Its a blast. You can watch them getting tense then just pull them back alive. Its great. I also play a mage. I can wail on things with the mage; I eliminate anything in my way. I would strongly recommend playing alts in WoW, but not more than two or three. They reward you for playing alternate characters - and also theres more to life than just killing or making a killing. Priests are fun. I really love healing. (I will not go into my family history here... lets suffice to say its probably in my blood).

Both spaces are about dynamic. . World of Warcraft is a place where your friends and you can do things together in a kind of fun and focussed way, its a group raiding party sort of head rush. SL is more of just a way to communicate with people and you can have fun alone (I go there alot of times just to paint and draw and shape things). And you can also have fun with smaller groups of people, onesies twosies. SL is a profound enhancement to communication between two or more people.

The downside of SL is always the people who are wearing a crown. And to tell the truth, I'm not that into that manly hugging thing. People go through stages there. The funniest stage is the one in which people realize that they can listen to their ipod while they're playing and start singing lyrics from whatever they're listening to. I get a kick out of that one, since I write them. SL can be popular with cool people, but there are also the fair share of oddballs - and SL lags.. its a slow, clunky, buggy environment and they're still not shaking the bugs out. Its a huge client (makes a 700 mb memory footprint). If you have a nice fast mac you'll be ok I guess.

Again, I'm Turner Singh there and feel free to use me as a referral, I will give you half the referral fee. In WoW I am the mage Tsaar (Cenarius) or the Priest Tsaaritsa (Cenarius) (you will find me more and more, in her skin.. I am a great healer, probably better than I am , a mage)(it took practice though). Oh I am also the undead NazGhoul in some dark scary place , and I feed off my dead victims. Don't worry about him... heh heh heh.... >:) lol

Real life is really alot more fun than any of this stuff, I mean that goes without saying. This stuff is addictive. But I have it under control. Take this for example: this is where I am going to be next year...

Would you like to go there with me? Burning Man 2008 will be fun; I will make sure I don't burn up all my time before they burn up the man.

My Favorite Things - Negativland

When Anger Hurts, Part Four

She picked up the book I was reading
and threw it across the room
I had fallen asleep the night before
that was what I did wrong. I should not have fallen asleep
reading +this+ book

It was about someone named Sultana
and her friends are pretty rich
a person in england that I met in second life
told me about this book
she was a young indian woman awaiting arranged marriage
and, in SL, an erotic dancer
in real life, I think, a database administrator
we traded books
I recommended "animals in translation"
by someone who uses autism
to decode animal behavior
and it being so hard to find, for her, as well
she ordered it online
but
that didn't matter
because to the one who was angry at me
every female is the same
and I am cheating on her
again
and the book is probably about sex
(it was about abuse)

Anger makes you feel like you are right
even when you are wrong
and thats dangerous
in the film "secretary" the protagonist is methodical
and alone
relationships, whatever type - are not storms
sometimes they are an odd form of ballet
and definitely contain
power exchange
but
they are not storms

Storms mean waves and rain
and wind so strong
you can lean over in your backyard
with your jacket spread open
and not fall down
and the calm
when everyone runs outside
before the wind changes direction
and everything hits you from the other side
storms are there to right a wrong
and not to raise your son

maybe - relationships
are like stars
songs and faces
maybe they are common ground, special places
where you can live
some good
some , not so good
but then
maybe we were not so good when we were in them

I remember
a friend of mine once wrote
that her turn-ons
were puppies
guns
and when they don't see it coming

I admit that
my love life thus far has been kind of like
the tale
of mickey and mallory knox
if anything, I have been as dominant as she
as dangerous
just not this randomly violent. ever
I would much rather channel rage
into watching monster truck competitions
and maybe eat some
burgers and fries

American Man
American Woman

Better get away

The Thin Red Line

I wonder sometimes what its like
to be able to see yourself living your own life
like a person can look into the tide pool at low tide
and see the life there swimming around free
its about creation growing out of destruction

what makes us cross the thin red line
that separates us from nature
why does fate hold a subway sandwich in one hand
and tokyoi drift in the other ?
she offers you tastyness
then turns you straight into oncoming traffic
she is who she is
we are who we are

Why is war a part of all living things?
it doesn't come from the dust
it doesn't spring from the air
and yet we are born to it
I suppose you've seen it all before
but
one goes east and one goes west, both from the same wind blow
its the setting of the sail
and not the gale
that tell us the way to go

So we cross the line, we make our choice
the dragon and the dove - rejoice we have choice
locked forever in eternal conflict (to carry one)
under the banner of heaven

I asked the mormons to come visit me
and they stayed for a while, the first time
I read them st. augustine
and gave them a glass of cranberry lemonade
they said
on wednesdays they do their laundry
it might be hard to make it, but we'll be back
..they never showed up.
Its ok. I got a free book of mormon out of the deal

I met a stripper named Cyan
she was cool
I guess I'm not a mormon.
but.
willing to learn

When I was in college
someone had spray painted a message on the sidewalk
I lived in the party dorm
I read it every morning on my walk:

Eternity takes back its own, Our bodies stirred these waters briefly, danced with a certain intoxication before the love of life and self, dealt with a few strange ideas, then submitted to the instruments of Time. What can we say of this? I occurred. I am not... yet, I occurred.
- Paul Maud D'ib Atreides

So
I really am looking for pull
not push
I am still trying
even if you think I'm not
Here's a quiz for you
Can you think of the guiness book of world records
Why
does
all
of
heaven
rejoice
When one lost soul comes home to heaven?

Do you think its because
we borrowed his tools?
The red queen runs
on the thin red line

Its a circle
Don't tell Cyan

The Drop - Ozama Tezuku

Sunday, the Day of Rest. Riiight...

What a day today. I wrote out a proposal on Thursday, won it. And then got sick. (Pink Eye - at least part of it. damnit damnit. That stuff is way contagious. You know you have it if you can't open your eyes in the morning. I am sorry if I gave it to you.. ) My friend from Copenhagen came in and I would have done the work on friday but that got shot. Then saturday night I am at this way cool bar - we are talking ebony heaven, and I am still slightly sick. Would have just been slightly drunk as well if it weren't for a girl named Cyan. So that was a nice thing. It always seems for me that I beat any bug I get by just lying down and sleeping it off. And so Sunday I just passed out and it was four hours later, cold sweat and I am ok now. I guess. Had to work late, late sunday night. Grr..

My friend really helped out, he gave me this ginseng extract and somehow that cut the edge off of it all. I think I am better today. We were supposed to meet with this Korean investor on Sun. Night and instead he sits down and explains to us in broken english the secret of true life. It was his testimony. I'm still slightly fevered, I can barely swallow - and so I concentrate, listening to his words - and drink water from a nice cup while he explains.. "True life. Like your body and soul and mind. Mind cannot live without body " etc.. So I end up heading to the office at like, 1:00 am in the morning and get out at like, 2:30 AM. I have no life. And what do we do when we have no life... Second life, of course. Logged in and had fun there. So I'm ok with it all.

I wonder what a day of rest really looks like...

Secretary - Steven Sodebergh

Equillibrium

Part of why I write here is that this is a kind of whiteboard for the sould / a kind of search for equillibrium.

Life in the 21st century can be a wash of toxic ideas. Things that create soul rifts. Madison Avenue is populated by voidwalkers whose sole purpose is to remove the connections society forges to resist false hope or perception , and replace them with a sort of constant , driven framework of spend and release that results in making their clients rich. They drive home messages that should be entirely unrelated to selling soap. And they dare us even now to say what that is... its a totally cynical approach ...

Another problem , I find, is in the alternate lifestyle I lead. Take for example, skateboarding. At some point it became more important to be seen as a skateboarder than to actually skate. A guy who could do a 3 foot ollie but sang in the choir on sunday was persona non grata. Stacey Peralta used to have this problem sometimes.

In the end, of my readers I only ask a sort of loose friendship and the hope that I can somehow track down something worthwhile for them or write something worth reading; I am humble. (thank you D.) It sort of followsfrom my topics of interest that I would be writing about the connections people make to each other, and to groups. In the end, I'm a bit like Doc, still from "Cannery Row". This does mean that I live across the street from a cat-house and so I am not going to say what I did last night. Except that her name was Cyan.

Whatever I do here, its pretty clear that the jig is up. Everyone senses this feeling - mothers and wives are looking for husbands or lovers that will carry them out of it. I really am a warm person, who doesn't like to take what I do and sort of wear it all on my sleeve - and at the same time I generally can find strength or focus when I need it and fall into line with the others like myself. So its about Schadenfreude a bit. And about Betty Page (from a peering perspective I guess).

I hope you enjoy this work here, some of it is really good, better than you will find in magazines or books. All of my work is original. Other works are just a collection of things that I find, I am an avid reader and also very curious. And slightly kinky (makes big shovelling motion).

Let me know where you want all of this to go and what you want to do here.. feel free to post comments about anything. Even off/topic because the topics here are sort of like essays, everything is an open thread. In the words of the immortal Bill and Ted - BE. Excellent to Each Other. Party on, Dudes.

And if you get the chance to freelance a presentation that includes black fingernail polish ,thigh length boots, or white lace stockings you will have my focus. Thank you for reading me, because I have had a glimpse of who you are - yeah, you can be a guy too... (as long as you wear a dress) .. You are in my mind, but more, you are in my heart.

BTW have you seen the movie "Secretary". Ok , today I threw a party to let a secretary go and I was daydreaming. The point isn't to replace your life with a lifestyle. .. is it? Can feelings and states of mind so intense , actually be communicated and shared? It was funny = someone said "She does so much for me around the office, she files and answers the phone and keeps the whole office running... I was surprised when I turned to her and asked her to write a chapter in my book for me and she said she couldn't do it. I said, well, I sort of expected at least an outline. She smiled at me when I said that "

What do yout think of that film? Its not one of Sodeberghs best. I dont think masochism fits into soft bdsm, really. I think the female character was over the top. I think she deserved to be spanked.