Every Day is Exactly the Same

So a brief moment of happiness in my life, washed away. Thank god for lawyers. Without their unique ability - my technicolor acid washed view of the world would be thrown into vivid color. Two lawsuits to deal with, both petty (a lease that was signed under duress then forcibly enforced, and a minor (10k) debt acct. to restructure). Oh yeah and the threat of a lawsuit from my competitor. But, I get to enter his communication into the public record if he does. Fun day. For nearly all my life I lived almost completely upon the basis of reason. I hate to say it but I admire and respect lawyers, and I can see their point of view. I just have to add that the perspective one almost always gains from them, is even more cynical than my own. So its a great way to get back to reality after yesterdays so-called "good mood".

Well today all is not lost. I think I won the name that firearm contest over at Airborne Combat Engineer today. I don't think I have the caliber right, but Glocks are easy for me to ID. Who knows. Maybe this could be my New Beginning.

Politics. For a second. 92% of the socialist party platform of Eugene V. Debs has been implemented by both democrats and republicans in the united states. This year is the democrats year, regardless of whatever republican coalition is around to bring yet another candidate into the race or advance one of the weak field to the starting line. The republican party is a monarchy, and it is a telling story of their own divisions within that they have not yet selected their de-facto primary candidate. The Democrats, as usual are disorganized. IMHO this year is not Hillary's. The GOP candidates will try to reiterate how she is "up in the polls" but thats because they have internal numbers that show they can beat her in the general. This is an Obama/Edwards/Richardson race at this point. Still, nobody's even beginning to listen to we out here in the blogs. Both parties contravene the interests of the american people. Lobbyists continue to rule DC. Bribery, even if it is legalized , is still bribery. So. I'm an independent. But I think this year I'd probably side with the democrats simply because they're going to win. Bush republicanism is a badge that some will be forced to wear for decades. Not me. >:)

In my personal life, I've always been one to enjoy fun. I am monogamous, but demand alot of my partner. So its surprising to me that somehow I feel quite as if I am in the story "The Dark Garden" by Eden Bradley. I will leave it to you to decide which one. (this book for me is a FAST read. I know every note of this song.)

When I was little I used to live on a cliff overlooking the ocean and the tides were very strong. So I became a strong swimmer. Today I went out and sprinted i think they were 100M freestyles. Someone in flippers with a third length lead (in her words "smoked me") bested me. But 45 seconds is good for 100m.

At any rate I am just - well. Let me be honest. I've been obsessed. I know what thats all about. A little girl with white skin and very red blood, many years ago in college. A pussy so tight it nearly knocked the wind out of me just about every time I got laid. I nearly went to jail for her. A classically trained pianist who was in essence, my first slave. I got bored of her. And of course, the saint - the first girl and the one that I was with for nearly 3 years. Now thats alot when you're in high school. So at least one of those was an obsession. (heh heh. the ones I didn't talk about .. even more so.) But in all of this sexual adventure I have won perspective. I am certain that my thoughts, centering around this other individual - have been extremely healthy for me. I can even prove it. I have become a more effective person. About the only thing that has gone to hell are my finances, mostly because I have a dangerous sense of exactly when my deadlines are and an annoying tendency to turn everything in just before it. Actually its probably worse than just deadlines but when I get my invoices in from a certain wireless company things will be semi-ok. So I know whats going on. But.. really the main thing is, that if I am sort of thinking about this person, but not really obsessed. Why can't she be my friend. I wonder what it would be like to meet her. I think somehow we've forged something that needs to be explored, maybe just coffee. I don't know. But I would like to in all honesty meet her, and just say hi. This is new for me. I don't like being dependent on anyone and I certainly dont like being unable to clear someone from my thoughts. I leave politics to do that, and generally attempt to use simple parties, and fundraising to kill off the people I find dislikeable based on a sort of impersonal view of their platforms. Politics is nice that way. Makes for strange bedfellows. But now I've discovered anarchy and .. a female. In that order. Well. I can't tell you how this got started... But I can tell you how it will end