1950's Narrator

Hi
I'm a Narrator
My voice sounds like its from the 1950's

I'm hear to tell you
your horoscope
when the blue light is flashing
everything in the store
is 50 percent off

This is where I live
in Aisle Six
right next to the mittens
and the lawn chairs
Nobody notices me here at night
A person with a criminal record
sweeps the floor, at times
I've heard him shout 'Please!'
as if its an expletive
But
(chuckling noise)
* nods his head *
I'm a sound sleeper

I'm here to say
anything that needs to be said
with Slack
or in a really subgenius kind of way
Just because my voice is so authoritative
and warm
and friendly
You almost want to trust me, without ever seeing me

I take a shower with the handsoap
and toilet water
and paper towels
Nice and clean
Smile for the Camera

I live off hostess twinkies
and devil dogs
and leftover cartons of milk
and ho-hos.

There's the blue light flashing
and it looks like the virgin madonna of shopping has arrived

Don't forget to get her autograph
Oh look. There's little Billy
she's signing his nose
Thanks, Virgin Madonna!

This is the voice of your 1950's Narrator
Repeat
This is the voice of your 1950's Narrator

We interrupt this poem to bring you a special message
* shuffles papers *

President Cheney
Has raised the National Terror Alert

We have now raised the National Terror Alert to Yellow
Repeat - Condition Yellow

Shop as usual.
... And avoid panic buying