Wicked Game

I don't understand quite how I blew this fuse but right now I'm a mass of worthlessness. I haven't gotten anything useful done all day except for some stupid financial stuff and a boring firewall problem. And um. Some mail stuff. But thats it.

I have a fucking 600,000.00$ project / a way to get even with the world.. sitting on my desk , all I have to do is file the effing report. Its all cash in the bank. Safe money, the Customers are secure. I would be made. What is wrong with me? Why can't I get this thing done. I do the craziest things to try not to work on it.

When I start the work I have flashbacks. Its almost as if its a game, my life is coalescing around something. My work, life, kink - whatever - you name it all coming to a single statement. Something that makes it all worthwhile. And I'm terrified of it.

Its a game. I know that. But its a game I don't know if I can play. I am fighting serious urges to liquidate my account, drop all my real estate into a power of attorney and just get on a plane. This is like, an everyday battle .. maybe I'm winning..

Ipod's kinda helping out a bit here..

doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well
(female voice)
Mmm... daddy slow down your flow
Put it on me like G baby nice and slow
I need a rough neck nigga Mandingo in a sec
Who ain't afraid to pull my hair and spank me from the back
(male voice)
No doubt, I'm the playa that you're talkin about

Whisper words of wisdom. Let it be.