Kink

What's the definition of kink? I feel its the consensual exploration of brutality, and/or erotic sensation.

So. First, consensuality. Its the number one rule. Consensual play means the person knows what they're getting into, agrees, wants it, etc. It also means that if you have a wife, or a boyfriend, you tell him what you're doing. Adultery is non consensual sex play. The wife is being forced to endure the sexual fantasy of the husband - or vice versa - a living fantasy that involves, as part of the thrill - an element of risk that the affair will be discovered.

I define an affair as any ongoing relationship, that involves two people in an intimate and emotional bond. I do not, for example, see a man jumping in bed with a hooker in Las Vegas as effectively having an affair on his wife. The hooker will remind him that she's got to be paid. This kind of thing is essentially exploring your own personal fantasy life. Not unlike masturbation, any encounter which is simply for the purposes of fulfillment of physical need - does not qualify as an affair.

The exception would be anyone who continually seeks to pair with others instead of with their playmate (at least in the context of consensual monogamous relationships) for this kind of one-off satisfaction. In this case the repeated single instances add up to what amounts to an ongoing situation where consent is stripped from the partner.

Violence and aggression are a part of kink. In many cases, people are exploring a form of their own sexuality when they repeatedly seek the punishment of others - sometimes without having any basis for that punishment. In the context of consent, this is fine. Although it is sadism, it is recognized for that element of sensation that - even if it means causing pain, is something exploratory in nature and not merely a form of control or abuse.

Anger can hurt. It has a cycle which can destroy people - trigger thoughts can fire off unwanted feelings that , if they are not appropriately dealt with - can cause people to lash out at others to drive the feelings away - not unlike a child running to his or her parent to make the hurt go away. And also , that form of loss when the child realizes that there is no one to kiss the hurt and make it better - the form of destruction of another person that feeds the feeling that you are right - at the cost of helping that person to grow. That form of anger is a destructive cycle that leads to huge health and emotional problems - and is not even remotely connected to kink.

However, it may surprise you that - there are some people who want to eat you up. They love you so. They feel through your skin. Your submission is a form of trigger thought to them that helps them to explore who they are. They take you to subspace. They bring you back. They deal in erotic pain. Not emotional, or aggresional pain - but rather a form of sensation and exploration.

To pursue someone, terrorize them, stalk them - without their consent - or to accuse someone of wrongdoing, when they are innocent, is a destructive, harmful act. It is a form of emotional parasitism. However, setting up a rape scene in advance - is a little bit like wearing special clothes during sex. Its a way two people can have fun. Games like this defuse the free radicals of a highly sexualized culture we are forced to endure in our cultural endogenesis.

In general, kink attracts two main types of people. Dominants and submissives. A dominant enjoys impression. A submissive enjoyes receipt of impression. In the world of kink.. there are the bunnies. And there are the carrots. Which one are you?