Darkness

There is very little that cannot be solved in life
if one is simply willing to curl up into the foetal position at dawn
and stare into oneself

This morning I got up and shaved off alot of hair
and then showered and climbed into bed again, worried, scared alone
a sort of endless hell

American Beauty starts off with the main character masturbating
he says, This is the high point of my day. It doesn't get any better than this
later on he just gets stoned

And halfway through the film he thinks of a young girl almost his daughter
naked, with rose petals falling around her , and he feels alive
and then shot in the head for homoeroticism

So back with another one of my block rockin' beats I face the darkness
I am tired, alone, scared - I have too much to take care of by myself
I will face heat going to work tomorrow after three days of flooding
I drank a few beers yesterday night
I didn't like them

It makes it too simple
to meet the darkness
And just sleep through it

I don't know how it works for you
but for me the darkness comes like a being that wants to feed
the darkness enfolds me and makes me feel safe
it is my friend and also my enemy my lover and my guide, my antichrist
it comes to destroy not create, to black out
to wait by the door and hit me so hard the sun will rise in my eyes
to blot out the days and make me wander
and forget what I say
It is where I hunt and where I maintain and where pieces fall
and where the world comes to me and whispers its song
It is where I come from and where I return

At the edge of darkness is a council of angels
And a cruise ship that pulls into harbor
At the edge of darkness is a woman with white skin
She is my hero, my submissive and my lover
She pushes me into a watercolor day
My weapon my home my hearthkeeper my conscience her eyes pierce me
and then and only then I am complete
and then and only then I cannot see you
feeling you is are like staring into the sun
collapsing into darkness

In Dei Domine
Exulta
Tempus Fugit
Memento Mori