To My First Girlfriend

Where the hell are you?

Did you make me listen to that corny song because you wanted me to think of you? It worked. Did you know that a relationship can save a life? I bet you do. How many times since then, besides me, did you royally un-fuck up a person? Six?

Even after we broke up and I moved away (sort of funny how those two go together huh?) I still had a thing for you. I waited for you in the library of my high school for a solid year - sure you were in another state. So what. I was still there. Zero chance you'd walk in, it didn't matter. I think there was a girl there that joined me each day. I think she had a thing for me. I can only remember vague aspects of her face.

But I can remember you. I can remember the black lace garterbelt. I can remember yoga exercises. I can remember working out. I can remember starting your black sportscar and playing a game of hello kitty with the ignition.

Your place has been taken by my wife, and I am pretty sure she hates me.

My wife has been in India for six months now. If she stays any longer, I swear to God I'm looking you up. Because whatever we did, at least we were real. You and I . I know you married a Lotus Notes programmer, the guy probably works for IBM or something now. I know you changed your name to Chloe.

And my guess is, you're going to be in the sunbelt somewhere. There's no chance we've a relationship. But I wanted you to know.

That I count my blessings. Like bullets. Some glisten in the dark of the chamber, Chloe. Some whisper a warning. Some carry me to a place where life never passed me by. Maybe that's the way we really are. Maybe that's the way we always are.

I am glad you came back to America. Now if only my wife would do the same?