Moments of Love
I once met a girl who readily defined herself as polyamorous and that was a wonderful moment for me, I really liked the idea of talking to someone who could actually love more than one person at once.
Somewhere in the back of my mind I always wondered if I was in fact like her. And then I realized I am not. At least, not in the sense that she defined it. But i still loved her. And she was foremost in my mind. Does this make sense?
To say there is any science to quickly assessing people is like trying to equate an online university diploma mill typefuck with meeting your second wife.
This person quietly challenged me and I loved it. She was an atheist. I am a christian. I can usually reconcile these two world views in grace. I simply remember that all of heaven lights up when just one soul is saved. And then I always reflect upon the jesuit reality that this soul might in fact be mine. Would god play by the rules? We are keen during moments like this and simply express our faith clearly without mysticism.
I get off when they don't see it coming. I wait until I see her make a mistake. My worst character trait in dealing with others is to do this. When I was young, I my weakest strategy was always to push someone across the board until they make a mistake. And usually to do something surprising with their queen. I keep this to myself as I fall down the list of people she would approve for play.
And I waited. And listened. As she described her peace and calm. There were so many moments I could just almost want to snuggle her. She has such a kind heart. And it dawned on me slowly. That somewhere in her past. She was hurt. And like it hurt in her, it hurt in me. Its hard to explain but echoes of how we are raised and the mistakes we make and learn from , esp. those mistakes we make with the queen - are the ones that seem to be the most easily transferred in feeling and thought and the least likely to go away.
Perhaps sometimes we equate pleasure with love. Certainly there are times when the chemical crush of love is worth part of what would would invest. There is always a return for love. Always a moment. But the reality is that even love itself is a point on the curve. Its the part of it all that everyone watches for, like Tiger Woods stepping up to the tee box. But there's a saying amongst us golfers. Drive for show, putt for dough.
What matters is when you're on the green and its just you and your shaking hands and a single sweeping motion that you need to make for one million dollars.
So. At least I have that going for me. <-- Assumes voice of Bill Murray