Once when I was in Tampa I started running. At night. In my clothes. I didn't stop until 15 miles later. I don't know why.

I have not worked out in nearly 2 and a half weeks. I have been off and on , on the bike. I am literally here at the doctors office with my friend (again). The doctor is one of 450 specialists in the US. 440 of them are just research. He is one of the 10 best doctors and only practicing doctors in the US for my friends problem. He is expensive as hell. One hour was 900 bucks. I had to pay cash. :(

And all this time I am thinking. Finally. She is finally going to get this whole thing of hers fixed. Intensive labile hypertension.

I tried to tell the Doc that she is kind of belligerent.. but she cut me off. So I went over to his laptop and posted this; I happen to be Doc's network engineer. And have been so for nearly three months and this is the first time I've been able to drag her here. She has a huge resistance to anyone helping her. She doesn't take gifts well. Finally I got fed up and just brought her here. She had some lame appointment she wanted to do instead. Nope. I top when it counts. Kicking. Screaming. Doesn't matter. I know just where to grab you to pick you up without getting cut. Luckily I didn't have to do that. But a girl I know at the stables shot me a knowing smile when I told her that I would. I get to do the cookout there tonight. Shish kabobs.

I want to run. I want to run so far that I can't feel anything. I want to do a 20 miler. I want to do a half century bike. I want to hit the pool and swim so hard I can pull the water in front of me and spiral to the wall dead tired.

Until my painfully expanded soul is big enough to be able to enfold the type of transformation I have to make to take care of all of these people who depend on me. I think about my employee, it was a girl. 3.5 kg. Akshita is her name - it means "wonder girl".

I dont bind to alot of people. I really dont. And I get scared when I see life out of balance. Which is what is going on now with her. The doctor is just freaking out. 190/110 is her bp. He is getting everyone to track down the stroke records from the hospital. And hes ordering up echocardiograms and carotid artery scans. And stuff.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I know she will die young. It bothers me. Alot. But I can run. After I take care of everyone. I am already getting very good at biking in the middle of the night. But I haven't run in the middle of the night. Its time for a long one. It really is.


It is YOU who needs some rest and peace from all these many pressures. YOU can't keep up at this one can or would try. Or is this YOUR way of "fixing" things?

You know that is my department; and if necessary I will fix this another way.

If you ARE mine, you do not own your body, I do. "...and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." I Corinthians 7:4
Wow. Someone else owns my body.

That explains so much.
I really need to talk to this person. I have some things to go over. My BMI is way off.

Hey. As far as a 20 mile run pace goes, you would be surprised. 10 minute miles.
I wanted to keep a linke that appeared on the adsense.

This was pretty cool. it is a graphics program for stroke survivors.

we are looking more at an interactive training thing but I am going to look at this later.

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