Proof that Satan Exists

Cats. These four legged minions from the outer circle of hell, are living proof that Lucifer the fallen is a very real being. Why?

Ok. Take my indoor/outdoor cats. Today is a nice, cool - slightly rainy day. What does the cute little kitty cat do? What else? Crap all over the wires under my desk. The smell. Worse than any dead demon. Essence of Satannic gases... Deadly fumes... wafting up through the home office...

Those of you out there that have nice little kitties who use kittyboxes never see this problem. My cats are indoor/outdoor. And when it rains - Ever awakened to the sound of rain in the morning? ... the quiet sound of rainfall just before dawn.. is a telegraphed message to my cats that they must avoid getting .001 ml of water on their fur - and thereby converting my home office into their field latrine.

All cats are crepescular, if you want to catch them at it - you have to rise from your bed and slumber around your house like an undead zombie at 4 am in the morning to catch them. Sleep in, a little, on a rainy day? How about wake up and try to defend your desk from cat dirt.

Cat dirt has an amazing substance in it, which they transport direct from hell to earth, that can turn telephone lines black. No one has ever survived chemical analysis of it - My theory is that cat dirt has an amazing chemical reactant that actually travels through the phone lines, and makes long distance calls when you're not around. The lines are burned black because they're full of dangerous nanotechnology that will one day destroy the internet with tethered appliances. Cats love tethered appliances. Because they remind them of balls of string.

Lastly, cats sleep all the time. This is so that they can hypnotize you. When you go to work, the cat is there on your bed, as if to say.. You are getting Sleepy.... sleeeeepy.... so that when you fall asleep they can drop their catdirt all over the cables in your bed, climb up all over your furniture and lick the dishes in the sink. If you happen to die in your sleep, there have been verified reports that housecats will eat you.

Benjamin Franklin reportedly told those that would listen - that he heard Satan speaking to him one night from his backyard. Historians widely report this to have been an incident in which two cats were mating outside his window. Even if this is the case - is it just a coincidence that our founding Father's Satannic experience involved or implicated cats. Can we shrug off, someone so clear-headed as Benjamin Franklin to have said with a straight face - to his friends, that he heard Satan talking one night in the dark.

And then walked outside to find two innocent cats looking back at him. With that innocent look on their face. It looks kind of like this kitten here...

You know this expression. You've seen it before. Yes. They were waiting for you. Pretending to be innocent. Wearing their cute little, strokable fur. Just look carefully into this little kittens eyes. What do you see here...



Anonymous said…
I ... see... dead .. people..