How to Hate Old People, Kids, Pets and Others

To be fair, only certain kinds of old people, kids, and pets. Maybe some homeless people, and why not throw in a few foreigners. Those ones with the dark eyes. You really have to set them apart, make sure they're dealt with properly.

Ok, you look like you're probably having a great day, walking along there. The sky is clear, and your head feels fine. I noticed your nice shoes, and your fine clothing. Mine is weatherworn. I am holding up a sign.

What would ruin your day worse, than to catch a cold. Yep. Thats why you hate old people and adults don't play with kids. Thats right, I'm talking to you. Give me a quarter. Ok, then just click on a link up there from my Google ads, and I'll get a nickel and then I'll tell you the rest.

I'm waiting... Hey, don't try to walk away. I'm talking to you. What? You say I smell funny. Want me to follow you to your car? .... click on those Google ads.

... Thank you. God bless you. ... Huh? Oh. Why you hate old people.

You hate old people because they're weak, not because they look strange, or act strange, but because they're weak. If you saw a great, strong old man with long flowing beard, standing in a cloud you'd probably bow down and worship the lord or something. But seeing someone like me here, my scraggly grey hair - see those bushy eyebrows? See these nose hairs? They're telling you that my hair is no longer taking excess nutrients as dead skin. And sure, these big bags under my eyes are telling you that I've got a runaway inflammation response. All cues that if I get sick, I will be more sick than you. You're so much better than me.

I know, I know, you want to just keep walking away... but stop and think, what happens if I really do get sick? Madame. Sir? Please. Just help me out here. Click on those Google ads.

Thank you. Yep. My immune system is just close enough to the state of yours, that I am a walking training ground for any virus you're fighting. Being around me is like giving your virus' an Al Qaeda training ground in Afghanistan. Or Texas.

Oh, wait don't walk away. I'm serious. Come back here.

Kids. Its those damn. Kids. They catch all kinds of diseases and school, and then they swarm them all over you when they get home and jump up in your lap to tell you their day. We should be wearing masks just to go in there. And the worst part is, when you're tired and you have a headache and a fever, and you just want to sit down and rest - they don't stop bothering you. They just don't get it, those little kids think they're healthy - all pink and rubbery and recovering all over the place. Yeah. Their little short term immune system response.. Its just like a public swimming pool..

Alright, I know what you're thinking. How often is that? How about maybe twice a week. How about intermolecular signalling and chemical signalling almost every day? Now relax and drop your guard for a second and those viruses get to work inside of you snipping your DNA and doing things that will wear you out. And then those kids don't let you rest. Same goes for those other people, they can't be trusted. They get some strange version of the Bird Flu and it knocks them dead. You and I both know we should seal our borders against them. They're the problem. Not me. I'm just down on my luck here. Oh, don't worry - that guy Howard Hughes tried to remove them all. You end up getting them anyway.

Its a part of everything. Kids. Pets. You have alot of Bacteria - working together. If you removed bacteria from your intestinal tract, there would be four pounds of nothing but living bacterium, there. You're running with huge sequences of unexpressed DNA, all because you're waging a war with the dominant form of life on the planet.

The Virus, Sir.

What does this mean to you? Well. I made this cardboard sign up because they're going to turn off my heat soon. I am here on this corner, talking to you not because I care about you - my germs are fine, your germs are icky. What it means to you is that you never know where the next superbug is coming from. You're all about schadenfreude. Give me cash, not a post office box and a cellphone. You don't want to catch anything. So you're just going to make sure you don't. You'll click on my Google ads but if there's any popups, you'll get away from them, right?

Thank you. God bless you. Have a nice day.