What would your first date, be like?

My daughter's friend giggled at the dinner table and said that she heard me say something. She refused at first to say what she'd overheard, she kept giggling at the table about it. So we patiently waited it out and she finally offered that she'd heard that I said I was horny.

Lets get a few things straight. I am horny. Very horny. To people who know me, this is nothing new. But I've been on the dock waiting for the boat to come in for four months now. I'm starting to see things.

But this wasn't a conversation about horniness. This was clearly a conversation about whether or not the kids here are going to head down a path of being open about their feelings and also to be able to discuss sex (or lack of it) openly. Remember, I live in an area where evolution was banned from the textbooks (and for which, yes, a certain parent's association had it promptly un-banned - textbooks now carry a sticker that says 'evolution is a theory') .. Six minutes of giggling to say the word "horny" isn't quite the same thing as where I was, three years before their age - specific questions to my mom about vaginal intercourse. She told me the whole story. Very matter of factly.

3 years later, When my step mom gave me the little books about where chicks came from I smiled and thought. Hm. Ok, but which came first, the chicken or the egg?

A girl I almost once married loved to play a game with me. She would stop me and say. "Where are you?" and I would say .."Los Alamos".. "Where's that?".. "Uh, New Mexico...", "Where's that?" .. "The USA"... "Where's that?" ... "Earth..." ... "Where's that..?" ... "... The solar system?"... She intercoursed like a bunny. :) Too bad she was insane. She's lighting technician for the Indigo Girls I think. Either that or I seem to recall she was in the Dept. of Linguistics at the University of Chicago. Anyway.

I could see this was going to be an interesting situation and so I said slowly. Ok, lets talk about this kind of thing. ... "Whom are you attracted to, a guy or a girl" and my daughters little friend, whose mother is a closet lesbian rolled her eyes and said "Well. Guys of course".

And I said. "Ok, good. Usually its a good idea to stick with that. Some people like both, but it doesn't exactly get them twice as many dates. "

Alright. I said. "So, this means you're heterosexual. Its fine either way. Now, lets talk about your first date. " ... "Can you describe to me your ideal date?"

She thought for a moment and then said "Well, he likes me for who I am. He's funny. Nice. Maybe a little bit weird like me" .. and I smiled and said.. "Weird is not a character trait, its a judgement others make - what do you mean by weird? ".. well, she said.. "I mean he should be fun."

Ok, I said .."Where would you go?" ... "Oh, he'd take me to the movies. " I said, "Thats great! Thats a wonderful date!". What would you wear? I said. She said a nice dress. Ok.

Next, my daughter. Who expressed her interests in the opposite sex as - "I would like him to be handsome and fun. And like me for who I am." .. and "I would like to go to Six Flags all day". Asked what she would wear - she replied "Jeans, and a Tshirt". Which is ok, too. Alright. So we moved on to my son.

Now, this is the kid, who just today gave a pair of handcuffs to his best friend, and kissed him as he left. And who whispered "bad boy" as he handed them over. And so I was wondering which gender we'd pick here.

I said, first - which are you attracted to , boys or girls. "Girls! " , he said. Ok. So, what would your first date be like. He said.. "Ok, we'd got to Whitewater and we'd swim and play all day. Then we'd get into a car, and drive out into the country and go to a hotel. "

Made sure he understood this was his first date, he stuck to his guns. Ok, good. What would you wear?

"I'd wear a tuxedo! A red, white and blue one. And she'd wear a sleeveless dress. With ruffles on it."... "Blue um.. Jacket, and pants. White shirt. And Red tie".