A Message to a Lamb

There is so much broken, so little that can be spared. Somehow you are together. In that, a miracle. Things that break and fall inward somehow still survive. You are unique. And you are alone.

I met with a person at the stable today. Carefully we made our way there. Rocks fly. She talked about speed. About casting the hounds. But she could not focus herself. She rambled through her sales pitch incoherently throwing around the concept that because my daughter had been trained by an Olympian , she would win a scholarship - but the scholarship she spoke of wasn't one that had anything to do with horses. The 'hope' scholarship. She did not get our money. We left, hoping to touch the horses. But the horses - stayed away from the fence. They learned they would be electrocuted if they came close. She had made certain that would happen.

So much depends upon focus. And not just mine. Yours. Everyone's. So much depends upon you. Be free. I know my place. I know what I need to do for you. But you are your own. There is no reason for me to be here anymore. So much needs to be done. Just keep your focus.

Sometimes I wonder why I am still alive. Really. How. So many ways to die. Not by some miracle you'd be aware. I freed myself. Simple moments - simple solutions. Barely dodging a bullet -missed by inches on the freeway - steering into the turn on a desert highway - coming up for air - keeping cool in a cave and checking the depth guage - rising as fast as the slowest bubble.

When you've used me, and I've used you. We may part. You never wanted me anyway. We may also stay together. But I will stop worrying about each little thing. Because you have to figure out for yourself Natasha Huntress white lamb - whether or not you'll face the fear and steer.

* currently listening to Bjorke/ Vespertine - 'Undo' *