My Wife

I have dutifully and faithfully executed my office as husband. My ex-wife - and I - after much empirical work - have now , working together - formulated these rules for a happy marriage:
  1. It's important to have a woman who can cook
  2. It's important to have a woman that is great in bed
  3. It's good to have a woman that can do the books (thanks Dad!)
  4. It's important to have a woman who has a great sense of humor
  5. It is very important that these four women never find out about each other

Looking now upon the shattered ruin of my marriage - I, with two small children to raise alone - now appreciating exactly how much work my ex-wife was doing in raising these children - am forced to reflect upon her positive characteristics.

My ex wife always delivers when the heat is on. She is or was a strong, loving , caring woman who is or was almost always demure, submissive, pleasant and kind. Except for a few occasions where she tried to send me to prison for trying to take my son to a Cub Scouts pack meeting - she is a completely rational person who would go out of her way to help anyone she knew.

Let's give you an idea of what my ex wife is really like. Here's a picture of someone that doesn't look anything like her

For fun, my wife used to find new ways to deliver withering critiques of everything I did. And then when I did something she couldn't burn in that fashion - she would smile and let me know she really liked it. There was no "I'm sorry" with my wife. You either did something that fixed the problem. Or you didn't. But when you did she was brilliant - and the feeling of having her around was great. She did alot for alot of people. She was feisty, but sincere and she really appreciated it when you did good things. She loved kids. And she used to do a cute puppet show every now and then.

But God it used to hurt.


Anonymous said…
Did somebody say radar?? Really???
Anonymous said…
Nice change....believable??
Whatever the radar says, I was only trying to pass someone and then I was going to slow down. Honest.
Anonymous said…
The least you can do is be kind to the ones you pass.....failed miserably on that one.
Failed as in .. epic fail?
Anonymous said…
Doesn't matter really.....At this point you will just have to pay a fine. My thoughts are you may be paying this fine for awhile. I do wish you the best. But you must pay......
Anonymous said…
I don't understand how these comments relate to your Sadomasochistic wife. Is there a paragraph missing?